I've been struggling with heroin addiction for the past couple of years. I'm a young girl, and i ******* hate this ****! I was in rehab for a couple months, ive lived in a halfway house for a couple months, and about a week after i got out, i relapsed. I was so strong in that house. I knew exactly who i was, ate healthy, I was so.... healthy; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I hate that I've thrown everything away. Ever since my relapse, about 9 months ago, there have been a couple days here and there where I've been able to stay clean, but as of right now I am not. I tried another rehab after wards where I was in for about 20 hours. It was a free rehab smack in the ghetto of Detroit, i could literally go outside and get dope. I was in there for a whole 20 hours before i had to leave and get ****. i feel like every day that goes by not only do i hate heroin more, but i love it heroin more. its the drug, the routine of using it, going to get it, everything. i don't believe in god, and i don't believe in NA. i think NA is a huge hunk of ******* bullshit. I was not born an "addict". Nobody is born a ******* addict. Addiction is not a disease. i was not born with a "disease" either. I am a heroin addict because i like the way i feel when im high; completely numb. saying that addiction is a disease is ******* retarded! it does nothing but give you Zero hope to ever recover. Maybe one day I'll want to recover bad enough, or maybe heroin will win my life over. Either way, I'm sick of waiting for my end. I'm not trying to be arrogant with the whole NA, God thing... I'm just explaining to you how I'm feeling. Because although I don't know any of you, you're the only ones who will listen..