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My Addiction With Heroin

Hi

I first tried heroin at a mates flat at 19yrs old!!I am now 24.

I was drinking like most young people at the time and one night a few of us were there and one of them pulls a wrap of brown out.  I obviously did not know what it was at the time,but anyway he proceeds to smoke it on the foil and offers me  a couple of lines,i try some being intoxicated from the drink.  Immediately i start to vomit , after vomiting i had a feeling of safety,the highest,most intense rush and buzz i have ever experienced,words cannot fully describe what i felt the first time i had it.

  Consequently, i wanted a rerun of the first time and wanted to go back to that higher state of consciousness,thats when problems started to arise.  I had a habit in 3wks,over the last 2-3yrs it has totally taken over my life in a major way,i had a problem with alcohol in a little way before this but this does not even compare.  I have had short sharp spells in prison a couple of times due my heroin addiction to fund the habit. 

I tried methadone,but never really liked it and after two weeks of taking it,cancelled the prescription,it made me feel sick and is sickly sweet.  After further numerous arrests for feeding my habit(shoplifting) and another spell in prison,i started taking buprenorphine,did the detox and then came off the buprenorphine,i was rough for two weeks after stopping the subutex,not in the same league as rattling from h but still had no sleep,stomach cramps and aches in legs and back. 

Well currently i am taking small amounts of subutex and feeling fine,,but it will be a long journey to get my head right. I have been used to a substance as addictive as that for a few years and just being in neutral, obviously is great that i'm off it but like i say,it will be a long journey but with support from the right people i hope to stay straight + clean.  My father knows my problem now and is supportive,but obviously it has shocked him.  I just want to move on up and i know that by staying one step ahead of it by staying straight,i can hopefully get my life back on track.  My other "normal" freind's are no longer,we have fallen out and the freinds i  now know are chaotic users.  Obviously in order to stay straight,i have to cut those freinds off that are chaotic,be cruel to be kind,look after number one-me.  I always say to myself when i am frustrated "why me" but it doesnt work,it just gets you more and more worked up and eventually you will lapse,if it niggles at you long enough.   

 I just want to share my experience with heroin to all that understand and to give my point of view on the subject.

David.

oldskooldave oldskooldave 22-25, M 12 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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Same mate still on low dose of subutex I think my body just needs it now, I've been on it so many years .
Gona try to stop drinking next
I just want to be normall n ting

I am sorry that you are so young and already caught up in opiate addiction. It is a debilitating addiction that destroys everything good in your life before your very eyes and you are helpless to stop it while in that state. Keep going to meetings, keep sharing your story, and keep yourself clean and life will get better. I have had 3 relapses and two overdoses since I began my recovery. It is a difficult road and everyone has their own struggles and their own path to recovery. My spouse is also an addict so it makes it even harder. I can't stop talking to him because I live with him! But we are trying together and we still love eachother despite all the problems. I sincerely hope you keep at it. Suboxone sux in my opinion. I hate the taste of those little orange pills and they don't take my cravings away. I really like methadone but here in america it is difficult to get on the program. Hopefully I wont have to go to the methadone clinic. Hopefully the last relapse I had is truly the last one. All I have to do is stay sober today.

and if that doesn't work I'm moving to switzerland where its legal to do heroin. JUST KIDDING!

ADVICES TO HELP AN HEROIN ADDICT YOU LOVE<br />
<br />
As an addict for about 8 years I can feel him but also you.Because opioids bind with the endorfin receptors in the brain,when he is 'high' he feels like a god.The feeling of pleasure is so strong he doesn't need anything more.He feels complete.I remember that even the pleasure of having sex with the person I really loved,seemed so ''unsatisfying'' in comparison with heroin.But it lasts only 8 hours,then starts the sickness,the withdrawals,an extremelly painfull 7 days period I would describe as ''HELL''.Both physically and mental ill,and the pain is so strong I used a knife to cut my skin,self-harm gives a feeling of relief.He can't offer you love right now,he is only thinking how to find money to get opioids,if he is a long-time user,just to feel not sick not to get any pleasure,it's his No1 agony.It is not your fault,it has nothing to do with love don't feel responsible.HE NEEDS YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER...but don't try to help him giving money,you will just make it worse.Now you must play the role of the saviour,if you love him.And it's a difficult role if he doesn't wanna stop,you must show your love but make it clear -opioids or me-don't treat him like a child.There are meds like Suboxone for detox,so there is no need for him to go through the withdrawal hell.ASK A PROFESSIONAL,A DOCTOR,FOR ADVICE.And remember there is always another problem hiding behind drug-use,like depression,e.c.t.As long he is an addict,you can't make him happy,nothing means a thing to him except the drug.Don't let him fill you with guild,that it is your fault..."..if you were acting different,I would not start using drugs again..."IF YOU HEAR THIS,IT'S A LIE,HE ONLY TRIES TO GET RID OF HIS OWN RESPONSIBILITY,BLAMING YOU,DONT ACCEPT IT...SHOW HIM THAT IT'S HIS OWN RESPONSIBILITY TO TRY TO CUT-OFF,INSURE HIM THAT YOU WILL STAY BY HIS SIDE AND TAKE CARE OF HIM.TELL HIM THAT WITHDRAWALS LAT 5-7 DAYS,ENCOURAGE HIM,DON'T BLAME HIM BUT DON'T BE A 'BABYSITTER'.The most important part,is after he cuts-off,then you will feel how much he really needs you and all the LOVE in once.He will be depressed for a period,show him your love,hug him and remind him how important he is to you now ''he's back to life again'',make small plans for the future without stressing him,go vacations to a quite place after detox and ENJOY BOTH YOUR LOVE.!! IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU AND YOU REALLY LOVE HIM,IT'S A MATTER OF TIME TO FIND LOVE AND HAPPINESS. :-)...but if he refuses for a long time to cut-off,there is nothing you can do,don't waste your life if he doesn't show signs he is trying....WISH YOU THE BEST

Hi David, <br />
<br />
Nice to read a story about someone so committed to quitting their addiction. I have a very close family member who is also 24 and has been an addict for around 6 years, a very young age! You have done a good thing by cutting off those friends who are users. One mistake my uncle has made is keeping his dealers and fellow users even closer to him which has not helped him at all, he has pushed away the ones who were good to him and stuck around with the ones who will not help him. He has tried methadone before but now he just substitutes it with whatever he can get his hands on and if it gets too much for him he has a fix, which is not a good path to follow. <br />
<br />
I hope you are successful in your journey and well done for staying strong and turning your life around. I hope one day i will be able to come on here and tell everyone how proud i am that my uncle managed to do it too!

Hi David, <br />
<br />
Nice to read a story about someone so committed to quitting their addiction. I have a very close family member who is also 24 and has been an addict for around 6 years, a very young age! You have done a good thing by cutting off those friends who are users. One mistake my uncle has made is keeping his dealers and fellow users even closer to him which has not helped him at all, he has pushed away the ones who were good to him and stuck around with the ones who will not help him. He has tried methadone before but now he just substitutes it with whatever he can get his hands on and if it gets too much for him he has a fix, which is not a good path to follow. <br />
<br />
I hope you are successful in your journey and well done for staying strong and turning your life around. I hope one day i will be able to come on here and tell everyone how proud i am that my uncle managed to do it too!

Hi David i'm new to the site, didn't realise their were sites like this. Was great to read your story hope your still doin well. I know what ye mean about methadone, I bloody hate it, I sell mine to help fed my continung habit, i'm 36 now on the **** near 20 years, unforthnatly they dont do subutex over here in ireland, I heard from people in the Uk it really helps and is a lot easier o come off. I haven't put my story up ut I will soon. I reckon the older you get and your still using the more useless you feel and feel theres almost no point in stopping but of course i'd love to have a life, maybe one day. I really hope your still doin well and things work out for you in your life

It\'s never too late to turn your life around. Best wishes to you.

I've done the multiplue arrests things too, most of them are also for shoplifting for things to sell for herion. With 3 herion possessions (but only one conviction) and one paraphnaillia (sp) for having a spoon and needle thrown in for good measure

Hope you stay on this path. Best of Luck.<br />
I hjave a querry, btw<br />
If We are recoverin Heroin addicts does mean we cant even smoke cigerrettes?

Congrats :) Good going. Life's never the same after heroin, but hey...we chose to do this to ourselves, so that answers the question 'why me', huh. Stay strong and all the best<br />
<br />
-LS

Hey man, thanks for sharing your story online with complete strangers. That takes guts. You are stronger than your addiction! keep up the good work, and remember that there are natural ways to achieve that "high" you were chasing.

David, congratulations on remaining clean One step at a time, and one moment at a time. It takes courage determination and confidence to be successful in anything you do in life, even kicking a habit. Any habit!<br />
<br />
Keep it up...

i know the fealing. (well so rta) see i have quite a few mental heath problems Schizophrenia being the main biggie. but i had a lot of trouble trying to contain iit. i was given risperidone to help keep the halucinations at bay. but they also dulled my emotions, i spose i just got sick of fealing like an alien to the rest of humanity. so i told one of my mates all the problems trusting his opinion. anyway he gave me extacy to help me feal something. ( i dont blame him at all, it was my own decision), anyway i began to get completly out of control and it ended up with me running out onto a main road because i thought i was being chased by a mars bar.since then i havent taken it because it reacted badly with my medication but there you go!