Heroin Addiction

After reading the comments to my heroin addiction story I thought I would update all of you as to how I’m doing. Thanks to everyone who read my story, and thanks to the people who took the time to comment on it.

Anyway, I start my second semester of my second year at uni next week. My time at uni could not really be going any better, I’ve achieved A's and B's for all of my modules, and straight A's for the one topic of my degree. I love uni, it’s given me the focus in life I’ve craved for years. People at uni are always totally gobsmacked when I tell them about my past, some find it hard to believe I’ve come this far. Education and employment is the key to staying clean I feel, a new focus in life is a good start but there’s plenty of other stuff needed to be drug free long term. I’ve also made some brilliant friends at uni from all walks of life who like me for me, not because I have money for drugs or crap like that. It’s a nice feeling to have some good friends. I can easily understand why people give up on addicts, when they are at their lowest doing regretful things who would want people like that around you. I just want people to know there is hope for all addicts, and people who say a leopard can never change their spots are simply wrong. I've made plenty of mistakes over the years and one of the hardest things about being clean is coming to terms with what you have done. It’s easy to get doped up every day and forget about it, but after getting clean and rebuilding your life it’s worth it in the end. Unfortunately I am still on methadone; words cannot explain how desperate I am to quit it. Methadone is the one link that ties me to my past. I hate standing in the chemist cue as the staff look you up and down comparing you to their inbuilt stereotypes of what a drug addict is. It’s embarrassing and demeaning, but the price one has to pay for being heroin free. I’m thinking about selling my favourite prized possession to pay to go to rehab. If I sell my car it should give about £1500 but I still need another £1800 to go to rehab. I even dream about going away, getting clean then coming back home a new person. I don’t know what other people who are on methadone think but I believe it makes me depressed, and most mornings I wake up freezing cold in bed. It saps your energy and makes you tired, yet despite this, my drug worker claims it does none of these things. I know I’m right because I have read recent journals on the topic. Methadone makes your head all foggy, and either the methadone or my long addiction has ruined my memory. I hope it will get better when I am off the methadone. Methadone was a Godsend to quit heroin, but quitting methadone is ten times worse. I’ve asked my drug worker to help me pay towards rehab, but because I’m not out burglarising houses and being a pain in the community I’m not eligible. I do, however, totally understand why addicts are not seen as worthy of this kind of help. I’m still waiting for a lucky break so I can be off methadone forever. Anyways, thanks for reading this. I will update again soon. Thanks to all of you who have been interested in my progress. It’s great to see that there are people out there with a heart. I hope any addicts who are reading this can see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and if I can do it I know anyone else can. Despite what drug workers say a relapse is not the end of the world, just learn from it and continue on your way. There is hope for us all no matter how bad the situation. Thanks again, and God bless.S. 
mgturbo1 mgturbo1
26-30, M
6 Responses Jan 20, 2010

Hi. I posted on your story but I thought I would post on here in case you missed it. Please give me your advice if you have the time. I just found out my sister has been addicted to heroin for six months. I am terrified. I want her to feel that she can talk to me but I really feel like I should tell my parents. I don't want to betray her trust and I know it will kill them and they are older but at least she would have support. She is 20 years old. My dads almost seventy now and I just don't know if he can take it. Should I trust her to get off of it on her own or just tell my parents and risk the heart break and pain? I thought you might have some insight. Thank you so much.

I have had a long 16 years off and on heroin since the age of 14 yrs old and decided in 2008 to rite about my experiences. My book is called Each Time My Eyes Open available on Amazon. I wrote it to hopefully educate other and give an in sight on hoe a heroin addict lives on a day to day basis. I hope this helps. Hannah

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As an addict for about 8 years I can feel him but also you.Because opioids bind with the endorfin receptors in the brain,when he is 'high' he feels like a god.The feeling of pleasure is so strong he doesn't need anything more.He feels complete.I remember that even the pleasure of having sex with the person I really loved,seemed so ''unsatisfying'' in comparison with heroin.But it lasts only 8 hours,then starts the sickness,the withdrawals,an extremelly painfull 7 days period I would describe as ''HELL''.Both physically and mental ill,and the pain is so strong I used a knife to cut my skin,self-harm gives a feeling of relief.He can't offer you love right now,he is only thinking how to find money to get opioids,if he is a long-time user,just to feel not sick not to get any pleasure,it's his No1 agony.It is not your fault,it has nothing to do with love don't feel responsible.HE NEEDS YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER...but don't try to help him giving money,you will just make it worse.Now you must play the role of the saviour,if you love him.And it's a difficult role if he doesn't wanna stop,you must show your love but make it clear -opioids or me-don't treat him like a child.There are meds like Suboxone for detox,so there is no need for him to go through the withdrawal hell.ASK A PROFESSIONAL,A DOCTOR,FOR ADVICE.And remember there is always another problem hiding behind drug-use,like depression,e.c.t.As long he is an addict,you can't make him happy,nothing means a thing to him except the drug.Don't let him fill you with guild,that it is your fault..."..if you were acting different,I would not start using drugs again..."IF YOU HEAR THIS,IT'S A LIE,HE ONLY TRIES TO GET RID OF HIS OWN RESPONSIBILITY,BLAMING YOU,DONT ACCEPT IT...SHOW HIM THAT IT'S HIS OWN RESPONSIBILITY TO TRY TO CUT-OFF,INSURE HIM THAT YOU WILL STAY BY HIS SIDE AND TAKE CARE OF HIM.TELL HIM THAT WITHDRAWALS LAT 5-7 DAYS,ENCOURAGE HIM,DON'T BLAME HIM BUT DON'T BE A 'BABYSITTER'.The most important part,is after he cuts-off,then you will feel how much he really needs you and all the LOVE in once.He will be depressed for a period,show him your love,hug him and remind him how important he is to you now ''he's back to life again'',make small plans for the future without stressing him,go vacations to a quite place after detox and ENJOY BOTH YOUR LOVE.!! IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU AND YOU REALLY LOVE HIM,IT'S A MATTER OF TIME TO FIND LOVE AND HAPPINESS. :-)...but if he refuses for a long time to cut-off,there is nothing you can do,don't waste your life if he doesn't show signs he is trying....WISH YOU THE BEST

I just read your post and your doing great. I was an insane heroin addict but I think we all feel that it was insane and it is. It took me hitting absolute rock bottom before I left it cold turkey. I was dope sick for almost a month n a half! It's now been over 4 yrs since my heroin and cocaine habit! I know you hear this a lot but its true if I can do it, so can you. Keep on keepin on n leave the dones behind. It's trading one high for another. That stuff is bad news. Keep up the good work!

Hi, I hope you are doing well, do you have any further updates?

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thanks for sharing your progress, sounds like you're doing really well. I've just joined the site and i've been finding it really helpful. i've been struggling with my addiction for over two years now. I'm on a meth script, have been for a while. I totally know how you feel when you say you're desparate to come off it....me too! I spoke to my drug worker a few days ago and hopefully I'm going to start reducing in a month. The meth is a constant reminder to me of being a junkie, I don't want to rely on methadone anymore but i think it's going to be a slow process if i am going to be successful. I'm on 40ml at the moment so it could be worse. I so get how you feel when you go in the chemist and the staff kind of look at you with pity...sometimes i see someone else waiting for their script...you can always tell-they are the ones waiting awkwardly in the corner and all the staff refer to them on a first name basis letting the main pharmacist know they are here (as they are the only ones who can dispense controlled substance) Despite this, the methadone has helped me control the situation and prevent me from getting into any further debt but i sometimes wonder if it will be harder to come off this than if i were to reduce my heroin intake gradually......<br />
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