I Left Because I Was Sick Of The Dysfunctional Bullshit; "Choices"

I hated school from day one anyhow. I experienced a lot of shame and guilt from teachers and students alike. My first grade teacher threatened to gas my dog because he had followed me to school one day and was very devoted and attached to me. I was laughed at by other kids with "teachers" joining right in with the other students because you're "special" with glasses and an overbite that my parents couldn't afford to take care of partly because it took away from dad's drinking money for happy hour and/or a six pack after work. Shamed by teachers holding up messy homework sheets in packed lunchrooms. Lazy teachers refusing to help me with math because my parents moved and switched schools and they were too busy supporting themselves and me to help. Bullied by the other kids and the higher the grade the worse things got with drugs and sex thrown into the pot. Finally at 9th grade I was more motivated to quit than stay. I'll never forget one guy that everybody thought was this "shining example" because his mother was a substitute teacher, was on the school patrol, a grade "a" student and athlete only to see his picture in the paper with a bunch of well known criminals around Palm Beach County getting prison sentences for smuggling drugs into Florida. One girl who was a sister of a guy I knew had committed suicide because she got involved with ***********. Another girl that was "popular" in school ended up o.d.ing on heroin I'll also never forget the time I and a bunch of us kids I used to hang with were partying and smoking pot at a house and in walks Miss "Popular" with some guy she picked up and going off into the bedroom and not one minute later hearing her sexual moaning coming from the bedroom. Her brother finally had to get up and shut the door. There was a lot of kids that I knew that died of overdoses or had committed suicide. I was no saint or angel either but I thank God I finally walked away from all that.

All should be a light in the dark to each other but attitude starts at home with parents that have half a brain but ignorance and environment can add up poor world view and ultimately how you view yourself which is always, more often than not dysfunctional and neurotic. Ultimately there's not much to chose from when the "popular girl" in high school turns out to be a drug addict and a nymphomaniac or the good looking son of a substitute teacher that was supposed to be a "shining example" and goes to federal prison for drug smuggling and oh, I also had a Civics teacher that partook in an illegal gambling operation that was run in the back of a local Bar - B- Que joint once a week and I'm pretty sure there was some drug use going on there besides the beer flowing freely from the bar keg. Lucky and blessed are the few that have hit the brick wall and fall amongst people that have already been down that road that knew what to do in such an event. The world is full of people that have made poor "choices" in their lives based on ignorance in situations where it's impossible to know unless you've had the experience to back it up. Ultimately the facts are the following ;

This is it!

The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there is no compensation for misfortune.

You have a responsibility to do your best none-the-less, which is all anybody can really do ultimately

If you have a hero, look again: you have diminished yourself in some way.

The most important things each man must do for himself.

Love is not enough, but it sure helps.

How strange, that so often, for the some of us that "made it", it all seems worth it.

EP Link


Harry got up
Dressed all in black
Went down to the station
And he never came back
They found his clothing
Scattered somewhere down the track
And he won't be down on Wall Street
in the morning

He had a home
The love of a girl
But men get lost sometimes
As years unfurl
One day he crossed some line
And he was too much in this world
But I guess it doesn't matter anymore

In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York Minute
Things can get pretty strange
In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York Minute

Lying here in the darkness
I hear the sirens wail
Somebody going to emergency
Somebody's going to jail
If you find somebody to love in this world
You better hang on tooth and nail
The wolf is always at the door

In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York Minute
Things can get a little strange
In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York Minute

And in these days
When darkness falls early
And people rush home
To the ones they love
You better take a fool's advice
And take care of your own
One day they're here;
Next day they're gone

I pulled my coat around my shoulders
And took a walk down through the park
The leaves were falling around me
The groaning city in the gathering dark
On some solitary rock
A desperate lover left his mark, say
"Baby, I've changed. Please come back."

What the head makes cloudy
The heart makes very clear
The days were so much brighter
In the time when she was here
But I know there's somebody somewhere
Make these dark clouds disappear
Until that day, I have to believe
I believe, I believe

In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York Minute
You can get out of the rain
In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York Minute

StarWanderer StarWanderer
56-60, M
5 Responses Aug 10, 2011

Awesome!!! I'll bet a lot of people confuse this with you being miserable. We must never forget where we came from to be grateful for what we have NOW!

Those last statements on my post are from the list of Buddhist Truths in life more of which are;

We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.

The only victory lies in surrender to oneself.

You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.

What do you know - for sure - anyway?

Learn to forgive yourself, again and again

And again and again.

All of those people I mentioned in that post never knew about those which is why they ended up the way they did. Blessed and few are the ones that do gain some sort of clue as to where it all went wrong when they do they better hang on tooth and nail, the wolf is always at the door

Woww, that is very sad. Sounds like you've had a rough time, growing up.

It was what it was. I was just as blind playing the role of "hippie" trying to "find himself" through drugs, alcohol and "free love". I did a lot of things to be accepted by my peers too. I just hope to create an awareness that we need to pay more attention to the children so they don't become drug and alcohol addicted messes.

Well,at least you can learn whatever you want now, and be proud of yourself.