It Is Time To Be Who I Am

     I can always remember being sensitive, but it seems my sensitivity grows greater as I grow older. At the same time, perhaps I seemed less sensitive when I was younger because I was sort of numb...this was my defense from my sensitivity. I lived in my own world and was less aware of things as a way of protecting myself. It was a form of derealization.
    I stumbled upon Elaine Arron's book after waking up to reality under the hands of an abusive relationship. It was then that I needed to begin to do some deep soul searching and I realized that perhaps I wasn't so alone. There were other people out there like me! I stayed much too long in an abusive relationship, with someone who didn't understand or appreciate me, partially because I was healing him on an uncounscious level and I discovered there was a term for this as well..."empath," which can sometimes go along with being a highly sensitive person. At the same time,  I had also stayed for too long because of patterns of responding that I had learned in my own abusive family. 
     I struggled through my twenties. I felt surrounded by self-absorbed people whose main focus seemed to be getting their needs met for instant gratification through partying and drama. It seemed very difficult to connect with anyone on a real, genuine level. I was very lonely during that time and I hated myself for being highly senstive. I felt I had to pretend to be someone else, just so others would accept me. I realized that I did this all through college as well. In high school, I simply hid away from everyone.
     I've finally come to a place where I recognize being HSP as a gift. If I make it work for me, I can contribute to this world. At the same time, not understanding it and rejecting it will only create more pain. Its time to be real and be who I am.
     The cool thing is, once I started to accept myself as I am, I started to meet other HSPs who could appreciate who I was. I also began to recognize people who weren't good for me and I was able to keep my distance. Now, I can say I have a great group of friends--some know I'm highly sensitve and others may only suspect it...some are highly sensitive themselves and others are not so much...but I am happier now than I have ever been.

jupiterjazz jupiterjazz
3 Responses Jul 18, 2010

I'm very happy to hear that you have friends and that you are happy! :)

Your story sounds very similar to mine. I am also extremely sensitive. I spent most of my early 20s also being numb and living in a fantasy world. I have an engulfing narcissistic mother (who I don't talk to anymore) and I was in an abusive relationship for about a year, prior to which I was with a couple of "bad boys" who weren't so good for me either.
I am going to be 27 soon and I too feel isolated and surrounded by self-absorbed people who are into instant gratification, partying and drama. I've drifted apart from most of my friends because I just find them selfish, immature, superficial and ignorant to the world around them - like they're the star of their own little reality TV shows in their heads.

Just noticed that your post is from 2010... I wonder if you'll see my comment, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

This was a very good writing! I can so relate to what you are saying here. Without the knowledge of what was going on with me I've also tried hard to hide it. I would try also to be like others and was miserable. In this season I am giving myself permission to be who I am. I even changed my hair. I had been fighting to make it look different then what it was. It is naturally fine and straight and I am now just going with it. I love it! I have found also others trying to make me what I am not which only complicated matters. I need to be me, we all need to be ourselves! LIke you...I have also suddenly been led to other HSPs. I see they have tried to hide as well but since the Lord revealed this to me within myself suddenly I can see this in others! As well as the other side of the coin, those I am to stay away from. Oh how I've tried to make the latter type like me and accept me! Oh wow. This is all so phenomenol. I know some would call us empaths but I don't agree with that title due to having other beliefs. I call myself a prophet who is a visionary. It is biblical. Hoping to come together with many other highly sensitive people so we can all have a safe place to not only accept but embrace this wonderful gift God has created us to have and to grow in it. God bless!

Where did you found this people?