It Is Time To Be Who I AmI can always remember being sensitive, but it seems my sensitivity grows greater as I grow older. At the same time, perhaps I seemed less sensitive when I was younger because I was sort of numb...this was my defense from my sensitivity. I lived in my own world and was less aware of things as a way of protecting myself. It was a form of derealization.
I stumbled upon Elaine Arron's book after waking up to reality under the hands of an abusive relationship. It was then that I needed to begin to do some deep soul searching and I realized that perhaps I wasn't so alone. There were other people out there like me! I stayed much too long in an abusive relationship, with someone who didn't understand or appreciate me, partially because I was healing him on an uncounscious level and I discovered there was a term for this as well..."empath," which can sometimes go along with being a highly sensitive person. At the same time, I had also stayed for too long because of patterns of responding that I had learned in my own abusive family.
I struggled through my twenties. I felt surrounded by self-absorbed people whose main focus seemed to be getting their needs met for instant gratification through partying and drama. It seemed very difficult to connect with anyone on a real, genuine level. I was very lonely during that time and I hated myself for being highly senstive. I felt I had to pretend to be someone else, just so others would accept me. I realized that I did this all through college as well. In high school, I simply hid away from everyone.
I've finally come to a place where I recognize being HSP as a gift. If I make it work for me, I can contribute to this world. At the same time, not understanding it and rejecting it will only create more pain. Its time to be real and be who I am.
The cool thing is, once I started to accept myself as I am, I started to meet other HSPs who could appreciate who I was. I also began to recognize people who weren't good for me and I was able to keep my distance. Now, I can say I have a great group of friends--some know I'm highly sensitve and others may only suspect it...some are highly sensitive themselves and others are not so much...but I am happier now than I have ever been.
jupiterjazz 31-35 2 Responses 0 Jul 18, 2010