Growing Up With Kids With Hsp From My Experiences

It is sad that parents never know their kids are born like this til they get older. If it could be noticed from the start, then the life of an HSP would be a teensy bit easier. But sadly, some parents never find out and it causes more problems later in life for their kids.

♦ "Deal with it, toughen up, get a thick skin, you can't cry, don't be such a baby, just ignore it, don't take everything so personally and more"

If someone was born as an HSP, toughening up won't work. We take EVERYTHING personally. We CANNOT ignore. While most people can toughen up, ignore, deal with stress, a really sensitive HSP's instinctive reaction is to try to RUN AWAY from the stressful encounters, not to run away or rebel but to make the pain go away and escape to a more peaceful place. If we cannot run away from you or it, we emotionally cut you out of our lives. When I was a little girl, I packed up and ran away, and I'm the last person that should be doing that cause of how I was born. Fortunately I returned. I packed my bags many times to leave. Never knowing why I chose that outlet of escape. Never questioning it. Just wanting to get away from the stress I expected my mom and dad to protect me from. If your kids are trying to run away, do not get mad and don't "play along" as if it is a game. Something is seriously wrong and they're trying to escape to a more peaceful place. You need to try to figure out how to help them feel safe and secure.

♦ "Don't be such a chicken, you're such a crybaby, don't you shed those tears or I'll give you something to cry about, you're such a scaredy-cat, you got spooked by THAT, and more"

We get scared VERY easily by A LOT of things. We cry easily. We withdraw emotionally if people don't look like they care.

♦ "You're such a shy person, you're so quiet, and more"

We are not shy. We are just perceived as shy. We are so overwhelmingly sensitive to everything and everyone around us that no matter how friendly or chatty we are, we have a hard time making friends because we guard our hearts from it breaking again becauase it is so easily breakable from how sensitive we are. I can make friends on the Internet, but I can't make friends off the Internet. I'm friendly and I call people friend if they are not my enemy, but I am almost 35 years old and in all my life, I only had 2 friends off the Internet in the very real essence of the word friend.

♦ "I'm gonna spank you, I'm gonna hit you, I'm gonna smack you, I can yell at you if I want, and more"

THE WORST POSSIBLE WAYS TO TREAT someone who is an HSP of extreme sensitivity and fear is to include physical pain, scolding, yelling, anger, temper, shouting matches, etc. That person is already afraid, already extremely sensitive. Causing physical pain no matter your excuse, even religious, will just make the HSP feel worse. Screaming will heighten the fear, especially if you are bigger and faster. The shouting alone and physical pain will make them feel unsafe and unloved. And if you don't treat all your kids that way, it will be even worse for the HSP who sees their better treatment and who takes everything personally. It will REALLY to them feel like you hate them. It still is hard for me to digest that my mother loves me as much as she loves my brother and sister because I was treated differently than them. I still cannot spend too much time with my family, even though they have known for three years now how bad it truly is for me and are trying. It is bad because we cannot ignore meaning, even if you are nice now, the HSP who was afraid when you dealt with them before will be so very afraid and on guard around you, even if you are trying to be nicer. It is very hard living as an HSP.

♦ "How come you want to be by yourself? Wouldn't you rather go out and hang out somewhere?"

We are probably the friendliest people you will ever meet, but we react differently to things and people than hardcore HSPs and non-HSPs do. Most of those two aforementioned categories of people can just hang out and be fine, brush it off if it bugs them, get a breath of fresh air then be fine, or even get turned on rather than off by it and engage in it.

We get affected and it isn't just a silly, little thing or a baby thing or "stupid" Our bodies have SERIOUS pained reactions. We can get stressed from facial expressions, body language, fashion, outside negative emotions, inside negative emotions we have been gifted to sense even if you are trying to hide it, yelling, tempers, sights, smells, tastes, touches, you name it. If it is overwhelming or if we think it will be overwhelming, we will do without that social experience. To protect our hearts.

♦ "Can't you do anything right?, you are so lazy, why can't you be more like [person]? and more"

Again with the feelings, taking it personally, having physical pain, and being made to feel like you don't care about what we are going through.

♦ "You are always listening to that crap, the music you listen to is junk, turn your music off when I am talking to you, and more"

HSPs that are on the softer side - like me - rather than harder side of the Highly Sensitive Personality spectrum have nontraditional, if you will, forms of outlets. It is not your typical groupie, fan, whatever. If we are feeling pain, emotional or physical, outlets such as things with nice scents, music, beaches, mountains, tv, books, things like those, LITERALLY are like drugs and addictions to us to help us feel better, which is why I say music is like nontraditional medicine or a drug for me. I, even before my family found out how serious stress is for me, would be told by them to go to my room and put my music on. It was even said before by someone who put my headphones on cause I was too stressed to move, that she could see the stress melting off of me. Even if it is not something you are into, if you insult it, to one of us, it will hurt us when we are clearly trying to get away.

Wanting to stay at a scenic, resting spot or fountain in a building are more times for us to heal. I used to always want to go to the local mall when I was in Hawaii in the city I lived in before I moved to the mainland USA. My family used to wonder why I wanted to go there all the time, my mom, stepdad and gramma. There was a huge fountain in the center of the outdoor mall, and it always made me feel peaceful. Of course, at the time, I didn't know I was an HSP.

Certain sounds, sights, smells, touches, etc can really help us feel better. I to this day feel loved and feel good about myself, safe and at peace, when I hear a woman's gentle voice. I smell certain fragrant smells on males or females that are strangers and I want to stay with them cause the smell makes me feel safe. Seeing the color pink anything makes me super excited. Seeing any of my favorite colors - pink, blue, purple, white, gold, silver, rainbow, clear (especially if it has rainbow light reflected on it) makes me feel giddy. Seeing sparkly anything makes me more excited than say a kid high on sugar. Seeing busy prints on colors makes my head feel cluttered and squeezed tight. Feeling baby soft material or once in a even my own God-given baby soft skin relaxes me if I am in physical pain.

♦ "You can trust me, why don't you trust me, you don't confide in me, and more"

It's not that we don't trust you. We do. But if you hurt us, we have to protect ourselves. Most people can find ways to deal with people that hurt them. Some even act like us just for spite. We act how so out of an instinct to stay away from the stress. It's not that we don't want to confide in you. It's that we have a hard time doing that so we stay quiet.

♦ "Don't be so afraid and more"
Well, everyone is afraid even for a moment in their lives. I and other HSPs like me get afraid very easily and it is a physical ordeal. I feel like people want to kill me if they yell near me or at me. I feel like I am facing the firing squad if someone scolds me and the scolder is the one holding the rifle. I get my period if someone is bossy with me. I get out of breath if someone brushes my feelings under the rug so to speak. I get my period if I hear cussing. I get dizzy if someone yells. I get tingles all over my body to the point where I can't use my limbs and my heart beats very fast and loud. My head actually sounds like running water is roaring in my head and it actually fizzes away slowly like carbonation when the ailments go away. I feel like I am in serious danger if I get insulted by anyone, especially family. My legs feel heavy like they're full of lead when I sit and if I try to stand, it feels limp like it's full of jelly.

I can get rash, hives, hives the sizes of baseball knots, shingles, dripping sweat, ice cold limbs, itchy eyeballs - yes you read that right, bloody nose, bruised feelings, real bruises, random cuts on me even though I did not put them there. I can throw up. I won't be able to eat. I will have unusual hours of wake and sleep. Most unusual was when I slept two days straight. Another unusual, when I was pooped then wide awake repeatedly every three or four hours. My body also does not go bathroom number two when this type of stuff happens. Like a vacation. My hair also falls out as if I am on chemotherapy. I cannot take meds. They make me worse.

I cannot watch, read, look at or hear anything even remotely spooky. I once saw an episode of a sitcom Wizards Of Waverly Place on Disney Channel. It was a funny series but this episode had what was supposed to be a scary movie in its episode. The monstrous killer did not spook me. The music did. I had nightmares. Jurassic Park. My mom and dad forced me to read the book, which I didn't, then go watch it with them in the theater. I had nightmares for three months. Then there was another viewing at the Drive-In Theater of Jurassic Park which my folks drove me to see. I forced myself to blank out. I don't mean meditation. I mean out and out just blank out.

In college, I had an altercation with a girl, just words from her to me. I later went semi-conscious after recollecting that time. My dad was called from the health clinic. He packed up my stuff after I came to and I left and have not returned to college since then.

I've been on the Internet since 1999. I was told I shouldn't be on cause I'd get hurt. I guess they saw me before I saw myself. People bully me. Delete account. Make new name. Go to hospital. Happens again and again. Hacking, rumors, bullying stalking, sending stuff out pretending to be me. Physical pains. Hospital stays. Psychiatrists say stay offline but I don't wanna keep running away.

Had a volunteer job offline. A little kid bullied me. I had VERY bad stress pains and a hospital stay.

◙ Inside stuff of softcore HSPs like me
• Our physical senses are different or heightened. Some say we HSPs can see all the colors and shades while those who are not HSPs see a lot but not all. I do not know if that is true of everyone but I have had some times when I was younger and I'd enjoy certain shades of colors in nature and others with me couldn't see it. I can hear VERY well to others' amazement even if I have wax in my ears. One time my niece's mother was on the other side of the kitchen completely around the corner, while I was in the middle of the sun room and my gramma had her tv on in the living room (and she likes the volume loud) and I burst out laughing at what my niece's mother softly said. She was shocked. Smells are really strong for us so it is important that if we stress, we have good smells near us. Most people sniff audibly and noticeably to pay attention to a smell. We can smell it as is. And I don't have a poker face so my way to mask the fact that it is a bad smell is if I hold my breath in. Tastes. I can taste all the tastes in the concocted food or drink as soon as it goes in my mouth. I scrunch my face and freeze if it is not to my liking, then spit it out and scrub my tongue with the paper towel. Rich food and organic food make me throw up very badly or it makes me nauseous up to a whole day.

People wonder if HSPs have gifts of the intuitive or supernatural level. Yes, I do and I met others who do. I tend to keep quiet for the most part about most of my gifts. Once in a while I will talk about a few of them. I am not psychic though. I can also sense what you are feeling if you are near me, even if you don't let it show. HSPs are known for that. I am also very artistic in writing, drawing, painting, charcoals, designing jewelry for girls, designing fashions for girls, floral arrangements.

• HSPs whether bold or shy will need alone time every day because of the emotional factor. Most people are like this but an HSP even moreso due to the alone time being an emotional recovery. I used to go to my room when I lived with my family and just turn my music on and sit and close my eyes. It is not that we get noticeably traumatized by company. We just are sensitive to people clutter, material clutter, noise, emotions of others, etc. We want to be with people, but it is extreme. We can even want to go out and when we are out have a very good time even in a crowded area. But then we need to emotionally recharge, emotionally recover. We know our bodies. We know ourselves. We know what we can and cannot handle.

If an HSP is forced into a social situation or forced away from their alone time, it will heighten the stress ailments they normally deal with and make things more difficult. Sometimes HSPs will sacrifice their alone time to satisfy someone else and it intensifies the stress factor. Like trying to use your cell phone with a dying battery. Some HSPs because their families, friends, partners, etc want them to join them, we will put on a brave exterior, smiling, laughing, etc, but be in dire need of that emotional fix.

• They usually get credited with creativity, love, friendship, conscientiousness, patience, thoroughness, etc, but the praise falls short in the workplace, school, church, family, etc.

• Having a romance off the Internet is very hard for an HSP because of how easily they get hurt. They want that romance but they are too sensitive. I actually have never had an offline romance of a willing nature. And it isn't cause I don't want it either.

• Adult HSPs have a hard time in life partly because of people who hurt us when we were kids. It's not a case of "I was hurt and I'm holding a grudge." The stress ailments pile up and pile up and we are forced to shield ourselves so no more like that can come in since the piles get bigger and not smaller.

These are just the main things about what I call softcore HSPs based on some of my experiences.. Hardcore HSPs are opposite. We get scared. They get tough. We run away. They get in your face. We cry. The have a temper explosion. They still have the same fundamental sensitivities as us softies though. And it is never a good idea for the two opposing HSPs to get romantically involved.

Feel free to ask me or another HSP if you have more inquiries, readers who are not HSPs. :)
blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti
36-40, F
1 Response May 6, 2012

Fits perfect on me!

hi :) it is so nice to meet someone who truly knows what you are going through, huh? if you ever want to chat, i am definitely here for you. :) big, big hugs!