People Comforts

People being nice to us who have HSPs but are not the easily-angered HSPs make us feel the safest.

My sister's ex-husband defended me how many times to my sister whenever she was bossy with me. I always felt safe around him. I knew he meant it when he said he loved me. It hit me hard when my sister filed for divorce from him. I had been told by her that I needed to be loyal to her when I wanted to keep his picture. He was my friend. He helped me feel safe. He let me know he cared about my feelings. He never gave me stern looks. He never had tough body language gestures displayed. He never had hardness or loudness in his voice when he talked to me. He never yelled at me. He never tolerated or let it go with excuses if my sister was mean to me. Some people are okay with others staying quiet or defending the hurtful ones. We who are extremely sensitive need that emotional help. If you do nothing when someone else hurts us, it looks like you like them hurting us. And that can make us hurt worse.

All of my brother's ex-girlfriends including the mother of my niece could tell how hard things were for me emotionally and how sensitive I was. They would always defend me through words and actions. My brother would break up with them and it would hurt me. My brother's male friends who defended me, if my brother stopped being friends with them, it hurt me. I actually got infatuated with his drug dealer friend who a lot of times defended me to my brother. I knew my brother's friends cared. My mother told me in recent years about how years ago, my niece's mother tried talking to her about what she thought I was going through and back then my family didn't listen.

My brother told me when we talked and I tried talking to him about how he had been treating me as a kid, that [niece's mother's name] also did stuff in her life. I don't put people on pedestals, but if they've never been mean to me and defend me to others that are being mean to me, I am loyal to them for life. I feel safe. I feel loved. Pertaining to them. My brother's exes and former friends were never mean to me, never raised their voices, never got mad at me, always defended me when I was getting hurt.

My stepdad's mom has always been nice to me. She also uses a gentle voice when she talks to me. So it excites me whenever she and I chat. There was a psychologist I used to talk to in Hawaii many years ago. I loved her. She always listened to what I had to say. I felt safe with her. Yes, Karen was paid to listen to me, but it didn't matter. She seemed genuinely interested in my feelings as I was entering adulthood. But then my mom had me see someone else. I felt the pain for sure.

I heard Denise Jonas talking to her son Frankie Jonas before on tv when they showed the real lives of the Jonas Brothers and I just fell in love with her voice. I felt safe. Like I was in the middle of a rush of asteroids but those asteroids weren't hurting me cause I was safe just from the sound of her voice. I wanted her to be my mommy, take away my pain.

I see Miley Cyrus's and her brother Trace Cyrus's blue eyes and I somehow know everything is okay and no one can hurt me. Light colored eyes make me feel better. Unless the owner is mean to me. I hear Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato laughing and it makes me feel like I am flying and every ionic speck of stress in me just melts away. I hear Miley Cyrus laughing and it gives me an emotional high and the carbonated sound and feel of stress in my head quickly evaporates and fizzes away. I see pictures of dogs and cats and I feel so, so awake in my heart and if the owner is someone who helps me feel better in any way, I become fixated with the moment of emotional bonding and remember it. Some of my friends here on EP and some on Twitter since I rejoined actually make the stress go away just from their mere presence in my life. How many times, I'll have a stress ailment and I'll get something from them as if they somehow knew I needed them at the time and the ailment goes away. The man I love also makes me feel good just thinking about him and I cherish all these feel-betters and more that I have not described.

Being around people who have never hurt me or who help me isn't just a regular people exchange. It's emotionally fixating for HSPs. If I get a hug from someone who was never mean to me, I actually feel it flowing into me and I don't want to let go of the hug. If a song is playing and it is stress-releasing or de-stressing me, it feels like warm oil is running down my body on the inside. Once in a while my outside will react with a momentary, happy shiver or a big grin out of nowhere or a decarbonated feeling. If you can't grasp it try this. The noise fizz and carbonation make in a drink. If it is there, I am stressed. When the carbonation noise gets softer and goes away like in a drink, the stress pains and ailments leave. Same with rushing water noise and dizzy spots, screens and flashes I see that are blue, purple or white, depending on pain or intensity levels. If it's black spots, my vision is blind just where the spots are.

When I was a kid, I definitely had challenges with how others treated me, be they kid or grownup.

We don't want to be babied and coddled. We just thrive better around the nicer, gentler, softer people, animals, sounds, scents, fabrics, etc.
blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti
36-40, F
1 Response May 6, 2012

Regarding your sisters ex, if he is your friend - he is your friend. It's like when parents divorce, the mother might hate the father but the kids don't have to. You need to make this decision on your own and she will have to understand or let it be her problem.<br />
And I think you know the rest - good people make you feel good; stick with them and limit your exposure to those who don't. But all HSP;s have work to do when it comes to how we react to things, and how we manage the things that stress us...if you haven't read the book about HSP's...you should. Best wishes.

yeah, thanks. i am way more sensitive emotionally thanks to only having half a brain - the half that controls artistic abilities and emotional thinking. i don't look disabled and i am not mentally ill or mentally disabled which baffles doctors and scientists, but they say that it is why i am even more sensitive, because the emotional sensitivities and artistic abilities function as my whole brain. thanks about the ex-brother-in-law.

You must know that the brain can transfer abilities from one side to the other and it seems you certainly have the ability to communicate! Are you an artists or yet planning to study art?
You may really have to protect yourself more than most HSP's, to stay balanced. But being around normal non-HSP's can help you practice coping as well.
And you know those great sensitivities you have - while some may be annoying, just feeling those deep positive physical senses and emotional highs is a real gift. Hope you do dump your friend - no one deserves to be treated so badly! Take care..

hi and thank you so, so much for your comment. yes, it seems the emotional and artistic aspects have acted as my whole brain my whole life. i have indeed been complimented by strangers and family for my motor skills i do have since i don't look disabled and for being so intelligent, intellectual and well-spoken in word and writing. i have been an artist most of my life, starting since i was a little kid actually, with writing (9), drawing (9), painting (20), designing jewelry for girls (13), designing fashions for girls (14), designing graphics (22). i cannot study under professionals. i tried. i cannot copy. i can only do originals, and professionals want you to copy one thing or another. yes, i have had to protect myself more than the usual because of everything else i have going for me, but i just enjoy the good times. i definitely feel blessed with the physical and supernatural gifts i have been given. :) thank you for caring about me in all this. i am glad i met you. i feel i have a friend in you through your care and understanding.