Life Destroyed By Little Things, Can't Stand My Sensitivity

Well, I guess this is a rant because I am considering abandoning this world. I had a lot of big problems in life, that I successfully confronted and overcame, most of them at least,
I always had terrible troubles with sleep, I took pills to sleep from the age of 11 to the age of 36, now I can't take them anymore because they damaged my health very much, and with some relaxation training I sleep properly but I need darkness, silence (I also have earplugs) and the right temperature, and the right mattress. I also have a neurological illness so that if I don't sleep for a few nights I become very ill.
Now I moved in a house with a really weird ventilation system, or really badly built, and there are drafts and wind everywhere, and I can't sleep at all! It has been 19 days now, I feel like I am going crazy, and I just don't sleep even with tranquilizers, the wind wakes me, it's like noise but to the body instead of the ears. It is difficult to find people to fix the windows, and after the first week without sleep I am not functional anymore, by brain is confused.

I hate myself for being so fragile, I never had an important relationship and I think I will never will, nobody can put up with so many problems, strange because for most other things I am quite adaptable, but I need some standards of living conditions. When I went to college I lost one year of my life moving from place to place because everything was too noisy. Actually many of the places where I lived were fine, so I guess I am difficult but not that much.
I often wish I had died when I was little, and I don't understand how I can accept myself, and be a giving member of society, I always end up alone because I have too many practical problems, and when they are so stupid I just want to die.
Darkvalley Darkvalley
41-45, F
Sep 17, 2012