Come One, Come All ..... The Freak That Is Kathieredart

( deep breath ) I don't know if I will be able to write this...
And if I do, will I be sorry? As many of you get to know me, you may have noticed that I , in fact love you, but I have to " go away."

I am " gifted " they say, although that word is like a swear word to me. The " scientific " term: Sensory Processing Sensitivity... Or HSP. Don't you just love it all.... All the letters used for the latest, greatest " disorder ?" Although scientists do NOT consider us to have a " disorder."

Approximately 15% of the population are highly sensitive people, luck us? After being tested by psychologists, neuroscientists, paranormal specialists, and a witch doctor or two, I always test in the upper 1.5 percent as far as severity.

It happens in the brain. We are very detail oriented, creative ( recommended therapy ) most are introverts... Only 30% are extroverts like me. It is inherited, my younger Sister " suffers " as well. I happen to be 4 points lower than the highest sensitive tested, or at least recorded... With data available...

I view this as neither as a gift nor curse... I've had it since childhood, so it is just does, tho, come with a hefty price tag emotionally. We process emotions deeply. We "feel" other people's joy... and sadness. Our highs are very high, our lows unbearable at times... yet we are not
" bipolar."
Pearl Buck, bless her heart, described it this way:

" The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:
A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him...
A touch is a blow...
A sound is a noise...
A misfortune is a tragedy...
A joy is an ecstasy...
A friend is a lover ...
A lover is a god ...
And failure is death

Sometimes I hurt so badly I just have to go away ....
It doesn't mean I don't love you, it just feels like I'm dying.

Kathieredart Kathieredart
56-60, F
9 Responses Nov 28, 2012

Add a response...

thank you. That was moving and I understand. I think I am in the same percentage range as yourself. The quote also struck a chord with me. Your not alone

I really appreciate that you stopped by... Thank you. I wish you the best, the very best. Hugs.

thats got a boat loada heart,bless you,iv found out im hsp too,im a brit,always knew inside me i felt different for a bloke,im abit low too at mo,coz my 5yr old daughters the same an it cuts me up,shes fine,outwardly person,chatterbox you see,[i was the shy one at skool,fade into the background,meditation as helped sum,[infact my guts are twisting-up now,it hurts physically dunit,i cry at everything,if my mam n dad fall out[im lodging theirs]ill feel crap all nite long inside ov me,watevers happened to me iv defo unleashed a beast[kundalini energy,its very powerfull too,infact this morn i screamed an sed,look i thought my spiritual work wud free me,an i sed ill end-it if im guna go through this forever,but i guess while most dont c the wood for the trees,all energys[pos an neg,well,we transmute em i think.]i feel im going thru a drug detox 24/7,its only hit me more once iv become conciously aware ov it[3-4yrs]all this awakening stuff on net,got me hooked,but im like,others go out do watever...okeedokee,a.o.k.,but me i go shops round others get home,im in bits,dont know wether to love or loath it,bless you,peace to you.

"inhumanly sensitive"! How do we even learn to cope? It's so heartwrenchingly hard to exist sometimes, and every touch is a blow.
Thank you for that. It helped me understand just a little better today.

There is a way to cope, but it is not an expression of who we are: desensitize and become
" one of them." If I put up any more walls to exist, even I won't recognize myself. :-(
I don't even know you BB, but I think you're swell.... And here's a hug.

Hugs backatcha! I don't know how to desensitize, and I'm not sure that I want to. It's a blessing and a curse to experience feelings so deeply. I do what you do: I withdraw and cocoon myself. (Sigh).
Thank you again...I think you're pretty swell yourself.

If you google highly sensitive people .... Rest assured, you will know you are not weird. It mentions that we get emotional overload because we ' pick up' others and our own emotions more deeply. Cocooning is recommended after big groups ( concerts, parties,conventions )
...and don't even read about " relationships." Actually, DO! .... And good luck!

Ahhhh Boz, This may have been the start of our friendship, or at least pretty darned close. I promise I will not call myself a freak.... Now YOU promise! Say, 'I promise, Kathie.' You are a sensitive, dear man. You don't see your own worth, but I see it clearly.... Hugs

1 More Response

I just saw this and my heart goes out to what you need to do...sometimes you just gotta take a break....Thanks for letting us know how you're feeling!

Hi Hon .... It wasn't in reference to breaking from EP .... In real life, I sometimes need to completely remove myself from the situation. And actually FL, I don't know what I would do without EP and kind people like you ..... Oxo

oh.....that's good...I understand completely!

good luck, be well, return soon

I have read this story again and can only say I dont like to see people labelled, by themselves or others.

You are a unique special person, just as we all are :)

And YOU, Tas, are an unique and special person, just as we all are...,thanks for stopping by for the read.... Twice! Oxoxox

three times :)

No more reading of this story for you! Lol .... The labeling helps some not feel alone, but I sure DO see your point sweet Tas. Oxo....

Fortunately most of us do not have a clue what you are talking about.
We get through life putting one foot in front of the other, and taking one day at a time. Hopefully we have enough humanity in us that we feel some pain with others, but we have fairly high walls that keep too much hurt from entering. We actually go away all the time. When we see too much of someone else’s pain coming at us, we just hide behind our wall. Did I mention this wall was made of bullet proof glass? Well it is; so it may look like we are standing there taking it all in, but most of us could not handle it, so we are really only taking the part we can handle comfortably.
From reading not only your stories, but your responses for a little over a month now I knew there was something different/special about the way you responded to most people’s situation. Now we know what it is. I agree with Weekender and Troll and probably a lot more who have read, but did not know what to say; we will be here for you. If your wall is different than ours and you have to use it; go for it. The rest of us use ours without letting you know. Look forward to your return; but handle it the way YOU feel is best.

Thanks so much for reading... Your wisdom again shines through in your comment. You are a compassionate counselor. I'll just bet you have helped many through the years Climber.
I resist putting up walls, I don't even like the thought. I will remain cautious, but,only because I'm so naive.... ( I cringed just writing that )

Well Kathie...whatever you need, is always ok with me....but you already know that. You are so very dear to me...and always will be, so if it's space...or anything else that you need...just do what you need to do...and ask for what ever you want. I'll always be here for matter what.

And I will always be here/there everywhere for you... You have my promise... Oxo

I prefer there...because here kinda sucks, thanks! :)