Keeper Of The Family Archives

I'm the last in a long line of family archive keepers. It's now become hoarding I know. I was raised by an Aunt who suffered through the Great Depression with 12 more brothers & sisters. She said they were barely able to survive. Because of that she started keeping the smallest of things in case she ever needed them again. When she passed it was left to me to come clean up a 4 BR home filled literally from floor to ceiling & then some. It didn't help that my step Dad who still lived there didn't want ANYTHNG touched. I was young then so I just waited until he was asleep & I carried it to the trunk of my car & carried it off the next day when he gone.
Finally he passed a few yrs later & just a few months after that I was diagnosed with cancer & after 2 surgeries I was now stuck with this mess! Enter a now nearly 80 yr old Aunt next door with no family who when she went to the nursing home she left ALL her belongings to me. Hubby stuck them all in an outbuilding & there they remain some 10 yrs later. Since my illness I can no longer stand for long, can't lift anything over 10 lbs & have developed fibromyalgia to boot! Things went from not doing so terribly on the house to can hardly walk thru it now. I have been besieged with so many deaths that I've become depressed on top of everything else. I lost my son to suicide, my childs father to murder & the list goes on & on.
I feel overwhelmed, lost, alone, sad, disgusted & so on. I feel like my family wanted to pass these things to me & I've let them down by just letting them sit around in a state of filth & dust. I don't even know where to start or how to decide what to keep anymore. So many memories in so many things I don't see myself just getting rid of them & there's no one left to pass them on to anymore.
Where do I start? Where do I find the strength to let go & live in the moment & not in the past? How do I do this without letting down my relatives after I made a deathbed promise to them to care for & pass these items on to someone who cares? I feel desperate & lost & I'm at my wits end. My husband has no attachment to anything & he just carelessly tosses things away & that just causes me more stress than ever!
FamilyArchives FamilyArchives
51-55
Jan 3, 2012