Digital Hoarder

My father is a "hoarder."

I'm the exact opposite of him; I can't stand to be around physical things, but I hoard data.

It started out as music & movies, so I deleted all of them, but lately I've been doing a lot of writing, and I just keep writing and writing, saving files with generic names - I'll never be able to recall any of this information. I have about 20 composition books full of notes, and hundreds of text documents containing millions of words.

I wrote about 5 books - basically user manuals for how to fix all the things that I perceive as wrong with the world.

I've redesigned everything.. Put together massive projects aimed at reversing population decline in areas that have been hit by the recession, improving healthcare & education systems, creating economic opportunities for entrepreneurs & job creation opportunities for communities.

I just keep writing and writing and I never do anything with the information.

I've always admired people like Nikola Tesla & Leonardo Davinci; I wanted to be like Einstein. I was a child computer prodigy, took the SATs at 11, & it's like I tried so hard to become a genius that I way overshot the mark and now I know everything there is to know about everything - it's a nightmare.

I'm becoming concerned about neuro-plasticity.. All of this is very easy, I'm not being challenged, and if I'm not being challenged then the neuro-pathways in my brain will weaken.

I guess I don't know what to do.

Publish the books, but what if they aren't good enough?
Launch the projects, but I'll just have to market & sell them to people who don't (can't) understand them.. I've done that with technology my entire life, and I'm very tired of it.

I see so much money being wasted on nothing.. Politicians spending $2B on absolutely nothing, and I can't help but think about all of the things I could have fixed with that money.. I could have created systemic changes that could have made a difference in people's lives, but postcards with faces on them were more important.

I see so many terrible ideas getting funded.. It's like our species is out of ideas, and the people with the money don't know any better.

I'm 28, there isn't a speck of happiness in my life.
upcyclist upcyclist
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

Why do you think you hoard these ideas? With material hoarding, you could argue that's it's the fear of letting go of things. It sounds like in your case it's the opposite. Are you afraid to follow through with your ideas? You would rather keep them hidden than run with them. Take the leap of showing them to the world. Your work is probably really great but not perfect. So prepare to be scrutinized, but it will be worth it. Unless you are content with the hypothetical possibility that somebody appreciates your brilliance after you are dead.

An idea is only as good as its execution.