My Mom Is A Hoarder...

There are isles of bills, newspapers, and I don't even KNOW what in the house.

She rebates things that she doesn't need.

She buys things in SETS (one for her, one for my sister, one for me - we don't want them & she knows it!)

When I was engaged, she would not let my husband come over until AFTER we were married, so that it would not jeopardize my engagement. In hindsight, I think that was a good thing. I've been married for almost 10yrs, and my husband is traumatized every time he goes there (although he does love my mother, and my mom loves him).

 

She does not want to be helped.

How do I feel? I guess I feel...As long as she is happy...TRULY HAPPY...then so am I.

If she is not happy, and if she is overwhelmed, then I would hope that she would admit it to herself (1st) and then us (2nd) and we would help her.

MidwestMelissa MidwestMelissa
41-45, F
2 Responses Feb 10, 2010

My mother is a hoarder. Every time she moves she requires having an extra room in her house just for boxes of junk, and it gets stacked all the way from the floor to the ceiling. Every last inch. And that's not even getting to the other rooms in the house. <br />
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She wont let go of things and I think that she is severely mentally ill in this regard. She saves moving boxes that I drew on 21 years ago, when I was five. She saves EVERYTHING. She's also told me that she still loves my father, whom she divorced over 25 years ago, and that she still thinks of me as a little baby that she can cradle in her arms. Talk about trouble letting go of things. <br />
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She does all of this because she has severely low self esteem. She feels guilty that she didn't love my father enough, when he was the one who all but abandoned her for his "work". You could say that if she wants to live this way, its her problem, but here's the catch: All of her choices have created a huge burden for me. Every time I'm around her, which is twice a year or less, she wants to talk about my dad and my stepmom and how evil they are. She also feels entitled to having her entire extended family help her move, which happens about once a year and takes 2-3 days with 8 people helping. <br />
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This has also created a huge burden for me because growing up I learned that I can never let go of things. I have to stay mad about things forever, forgiveness does not come naturally. If I have romantic tendencies for someone that's not into me, I continue to think about them for the next three years, as I can't stop my love. Horrible patterns and miserable ways of being. I love my mom but I wish I could undo all of the ways of being that she taught me that are severely lacking in confidence and reason.

I learned a lot about hoarding from the new TV show. It's a complicated, sad and somewhat lonely disorder. There's help but she has to want it .Lots of on line info for reference.