I Am Hoarder

I didn't know what to title my story.  I am still writing and dealing with my story.  See a week ago my life feel apart, cps was called because of my hoarding ways and my children were removed to a friends house.  it's a week and I am still working on me and my home to get them back.  that was a very low point in my life and I hope one day to say it was something that I dealt with and not something I am dealing with.

 

I don't know how much to share or where to start with things.  I know that I was raised by a hoarder a mother to kept everything and then married a hoarder when I was a teen and things just got worse then.  we had the path ways to get around and as the house started to have things break and stuff something new would be brought in instead of cleaning.  This was normal for me.

 

I guess you can say I have always been a hoarder I always had a hard time getting rid of things and letting as I always thought I might need that later or that was my sons, and look at it and get memories.  But fact was it was holding me back.  my hoarding got real bad when my husband deployed in 08 while i was pregnant I had a problem before with it but it got out of control then but I also got majoraly depressed as well.  I don't have excuses for my actions and don't seek them out.  I seek to understand how and why everything happened so that it doesn't happen again.

 

we cleaned up the home and I throw out just about everything I owned let alone stuff I was holding on to.  as much as it brought me comfurt as i missed my family it also scared me and over wheilmed me i didn't know how to go about organizing it and such.  I was fine to live in it and never let anyone in.  And while I type this I realize that it was something else I used as a wall to keep others from getting to close to me and hurting me.  Seems so much can be tied into one thing. it's odd and freeing all at once.

 

Well I am sure I could add to this but for tonight and today I think i did pretty good.  thanks for reading.

 

Isis820 Isis820
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 26, 2010

I feel very sad for you to lose your children, even temporarily, to cp. It must be hell.<br />
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And your message about hoarding to keep people away really stuck home. I don't quite understand it in my case because I'm very sociable and love people.<br />
Maybe for me it's the other way around. I can't have anyone to visit because of the mess. I can't even have a repair man in; I'd be too embarrassed.<br />
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I've heard it called CHAOS. Can't have anyone over............I forget what the S stands for.<br />
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Good luck to you and your children.