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Now You Tell Me You Cheated On Me. (like I Didn't Know.)

Attention all nice guys: You will finish last. That's just the way it is. I'm going to give you all some advice that will help save you some heartache.
You see, I'm a nice guy. I'm one of those people with a heart.
I'm not a push over. I work out regularly. I grew up with Taekwondo. I'm a U.S. Marine. And I think submission grappling is the most fun a person can have without committing a felony.
The thing is, I AM a hopeless romantic. I fall for it all. If there's something worth believing in, it has to be romance.
My ex and I split a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to show my maturity and agreed to friendship. Now that we are just friends, she feels comfortable enough to tell me that she was cheating on me with a mutual friend. They couldn't come clean earlier because they were afraid a 200+ pound Marine would go loco on them.
She was crying, ashamed of the lies and deceit. Will you ever forgive me? Will you ever stop hating me? She cried and she cried.
What she couldn't see was the big picture. I was on the receiving end of her lies. I was the one experiencing her manipulations. I saw it coming before she told me. I KNEW she had something going with our friend before she told me. Her relationship with our friend didn't seem right, and when I confronted her about it, she exploded in anger.
Believe me, if a woman tells you that she just HAS to talk late into the night, EVERY NIGHT, with another guy about things she just can't talk with you about, something is going on. If she can't drop the other guy, drop her. That's all there is to it. Put the ultimatum out there. Let her draw the line in the sand. If she isn't on the same side of the line as you are, drop her like a hot potato.
My last paragraph probably didn't sound romantic, but sure is some good advice for you. Be with people who deserve you.
Doggonnit Doggonnit 41-45, M 17 Responses Apr 29, 2012

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yeah! U deserve better but do not change " being a nice guy" women like me appreciate guys like u!!!!

there are decent girls out there and someday you will find someone who appreciates you for you, i think i've almost given up hope im going through a very messy divorce because of my husbands infidelity, he was also a marine, nice to know that all men in the military are not pigs.

Trying to find a thoughtful and honest person can be daunting. They are there and the only way to sort them out is usually through time. Of course all kinds of manipulative people act nice while they are in capture mode. I think the problem is that we might fall to fast for what is perceived instead of what is real. Charm can be so enticing. A truly emotionally mature person would not have acted like this. Relieving oneself of a burden by telling someone something that would hurt them is not the act of a thoughtful person. Also by not being honest is disrespectful of the other person.

You have a good point that you should be with people that truly treasure and cherish you and I think she does not deserve someone as great as you but..... good guys do not finish last dearie. :P

Well said <3

that really stinks...i'm sorry you went through that i know it hurts. i was on the receiving end of a liar and a cheater not too long ago myself. i have always tried to treat my man the way i would want to be treated and i guess that just isn't enough. i hope that you can find some lucky girl out there that will realize what she has while she has you. :)

Gooppl always come last...im a romantic too and i fell in love with a 'good guy' turns out he just enjoys falling in n out of love n loves making me feel guilty for me moving on so dont give up just breate

It's good that you can move on. You'll find THE ONE someday.

I am poor. I join sex movies.

How does that make you feel?

I'm sorry for your pain. I too found out my boyfriend cheated with his ex wife. They have a very messed up relationship. So I totally understand your anger.They belong together. I will move on and become a better woman without his cheating butt. God bless you. And Thank you for your service to our Country.

hi i just wanted your opinion what if it was the other way, lets say you have a friend from work or old school friend "female" friend and you spend lots of time calling her late at night and your girlfriend or wife told you to stop that bcus it looks like something is going on, would you stop? should she drop you like a hot potato? what do you think<br />
just asking

Out of respect for my girlfriend and my relationship with her, I would let my friend know that her constant calling worries my girlfriend. If there was a death in my friend's family or some other disaster, my girlfriend would understand the counseling. If it wasn't a serious emergency, my friend would understand how important my girlfriend's feelings are to me. Her concern should be of importance to me.

Thank you , I'm going through that right now and I see you think the same as me so I'm about right I think , the situation scalated to me asking this woman to understand and if she really is my husband "friend" she would stop causing this imconvinience to me and my husband and she told me that I was sick and bla bla making sound like I'm a crazy person, also my husbands deletes every message that comes only from her.

Well said. What a *****. I'm sorry you she did that to you.

And your comment is well put. I'm still figuring it all out.

I am so sorry you were treated so badly. Sometimes it is better to just cut your losses. Walk away from the friendship too. She doesnt deserve your friendship. Good Luck to you

I'm with Fres, why the revelation now?..by shifting her guilt she has made herself feel better but made you feel like crap..that was nice of her..<br />
<br />
btw hats off to the USMC, I spent a long afternoon in a pub with a few of them a couple of years ago ..great lads !!

shes got some nerve, friends or nt she coulda kept tht to herself

This is true. In the aftermath (it hasn't even been 48 hours yet), I'm feeling better about knowing the truth. Now, I'm considering whether or not friendship is an option. Thanks for the comment.

no hurries...
no worries...
just let it alll justbe
for noe...this moment
perhaps in some future momets
youwillfind
your feelings aren't quite as intense
you have gained some objectivity
have grieved your loss, and ready to step onto a different pth...
etc
etc
etc
joyinthejourney, clg

There are nice men and there are nice women out there--sometimes hard to tell due to manipulation, bait and switch and emotional delusion but they are there. They just have to meet each other. Keep looking and don't look back at the person who lied to you.

Well, Mr. Nice guy.. I'm sorry you've been through this.<br />
I think a women should be opened and honest with their man.<br />
And i also think that men shouldn't give a chance to another man to make their woman happy (I'm not saying you did gave a chance)..<br />
And women should not give in to temptations.. When my man is moody, upset, angry, i shouldn't go find another to make me feel lovable.. Should i forget all about my man and won't i handle that moody, bad side for a little bit? if i won't, What kinda love is that? If i can't be with him and handle his cold side i won't deserve his loving warm side.. Unfortunately some women just give in to the temptations.. <br />
You're nice and hopeless romantic she lost you..<br />
I wish you best of luck... May God bless you with real love.

What an awesome response. Thank you.

... :)

Agree!

dealing with a habitual grouch can suck the joy right out of a room. If you are expecting your spouse to endure surly rude childish behavior then you be be ready for her realistic response

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your story sounds just like mine my friend.<br />
I am a hopeless romantic, nice guy...my wife has been cheating on me, now she has left.Because she ''loves'' the other guy, who is also married to my wifes ..ex best friend.<br />
Says she doesn't love me after 13 years together, it's a hard blow to take.To be honest i am a mess right now.Can't seem to see it getting better, i know it will but man it's tough.My 8 year old is crying wanting us back together, but it's over , to have it all forced upon you is the hardest part. I didn't ask for my life to end up this way....IT Sucks!...<br />
Good luck to you , i hope things get better soon.

I am so sorry for you loss. Breakups are so tragic when children are involved. Too bad we can't somehow screen out the flakes and proactively plan a life with someone who is committed for the long haul. If we could ensure suitability before bringing kids into the picture . . . such pain might we avoid.

thanks...if only we could screen... my life would be filled with rainbows and unicorns right now . :)