Hope Takes A Backseat

[Insert all of my mushy emotions here, where you will forget them in 5 minutes.]
I'm an 18 year old guy, just about to graduate high school, and move onto college. I've had very bad experiences with some very beautiful girls, all of which held so much promise, only to end in bitter disappointment. An actual, steady girlfriend is something I've never had, but it seems to be my foremost problem. Almost since I began high school, I would critically examine the character of the girls I liked, only to find I no longer liked them. A couple of girls came and went, leaving emotional scars that burn to this day.
I have wanted someone so strongly for the past 4 years, but no one has the right mix of looks and personality/maturity. Loneliness, depression, and frustration have all had their roles in certain times of my life. But now that they have all passed, what do I feel? Nothing for the most part. I have given up on the idealized version of a relationship in which someone actually gives a damn about me. Moreover I have realized that although I know I am a totally different breed of guy, a girl looks at me as just another face. I am unique, but I'm not. My desire burns, but my feeling has gone cold. I have no hopes of finding someone, hell, my eyes aren't even searching. There's nothing wrong with me, I'm a good looking guy, just with specific taste. Emotionally drained, and tired of wanting, I just do not care. The treasure trove unwanted; me.
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4 Responses May 22, 2012

Wow, I've never related to something more. That's pretty much where I'm at now. I've basically given up on dating for the time being because its just a fail anyway. I've reached a point of numbness that no one can seem to penetrate. I just wish I could find that one person who I just mix with the right way ya know?

Its a tough boat to be in. I'm taking a sabbatical from dating I suppose. It's not like I'm having luck anyway lol

Oh darling, you have time, and until you find the perfect girl, just have fun dates with no expectations, good luck on your college life!! You'll be meeting many many new girls. Enjoy, it's OK to just be yourself and allow them to be themselves and it doesn't have to be true love ...not yet.

I'm already taken - haha. I wish you all the best. There is someone for everyone was what my gran said and she was right. Lower the bar a little bit ok;)

Sounds like your looking for a "perfect" person, as defined by you ... good luck with that search. I'm not suggesting you settle, by could it be that you've sent your expectations a bit too high?