I've Been There Too.

its been a long time. i've been in a very weird relationship for a very long time. Monogamy- is it a cruel rule? i've never been able to answer that myself. i've loved the same man for 5 years now. its been weird. its easier to talk to him, its easier to be with him. we've had our times, and some of those have been great. i met this man when i was 15 and ever since then i've always wanted to be with him. he's not the same person now. he isn't as patient or as forgiving as before.
in many ways, i think i've changed too. but i know i want to be with him. he says he loves it when i yell at him. he says it makes us seem more permanent to him somehow. he's soo honest to me sometimes. it scares me. there are times when i cant breathe, when i need to hear his voice even if its just for a minute. and there are times when days go by, even weeks and we don't exchange a phone call even. there are things about him that i hate, and there's stuff about me that he dislikes. but the thing tht i'm scared the most is the fact tht he might stop loving me one day. i may not mind if we dont end up being together, it may not really matter if we dont get our happy ending. but i'd like him to love me. i'd like it if i stay beautiful in his eyes forever. even if we dont get our happy ending.
does that make me weird somehow?