Chocolate SinsThere is nothing like sin,
Unless we think it is.
"Knock. Knock. Knock" – silent, dull sound crossed the murky space of the confessional.
The Church of the Virgin Mother was filled with dozens of worshipers and spectators. Some of them were sitting on the benches, praying and asking for forgiveness or for other, different things, the rest were waiting in the lines to confess their sins. There were some tourists wandering around taking pictures of the ancient Catholic treasure.
"Knock. Knock," repeated priest Philip, moving nervously. Next he bent towards the small window, covered with wooden bars that was in the wall dividing us.
"Shall we begin?" He asked quietly, hiding his uneasiness.
Silence. A lot of silence - as it should be in the church… but not at this moment.
"YHrrm," priest cleared his throat again and asked, "What is your name?"
"Aeypit," he heard in reply.
"Yhrrm. Excuse me?" He again asked in confusion, "Aren’t you the school principal's grandson?"
"Oeee," a high and immature sound traveled from my stomach to my mouth and out. I had a feeling of wanting to collapse under the ground after being recognized.
"And your name isss ….?" Philip left his voice hanging and started the waiting period, waving his finger in the air…. but looks like it was already too much, and so, he cut it short and asked decisively, a bit louder, "What is your name ?"
"Peeaa Yhrm," he heard in reply.
"OK Peter." He cleared the air finally and was already speaking in his regular tone and volume,"You are 9 years old, living with your grandmother. I know you and your family very well. I need you to confess now or to come back later." He was ready to finish the whole thing…
"I have it all on the paper," I said, breaking his train of thoughts.
"You mean, your sins ?" He asked while he was calming down and repositioning himself comfortably in his chair, saying,"OK, read it."
I was already protectively holding the folded piece of paper. I opened it… But it was dark and my hand writing was always terrible. I was lost and couldn't focus. I was in shakes. The letters were jumping all over the paper. Nervous blinders were on and off periodically. Yeah. All the ingredients for total disaster were there. I started reading and he started fishing for my words.
"I was… Woas...,"I started my journey through the hell with words. "I was haaav... I wassss yyyy ex. I wasssss ex."
"What?" Priest stopped me. "So early!" he jumped at me. "That is a big sin, my son. Shame on you. How old was she?"
"No, noo." I started from different venue, suddenly remembering the whole story. It was with my friend Chris and I…"
"What I ?" The priest began rubbing his forehead. "That is even worst," he added. "That kind of love is not permitted in the church at all…"
"Noooo. I hate the guy," I crashed again into his sentence.
"What? Why then …? " He lost it. I am quite sure he deeply regretted being a Shepherd at that moment.
"No, this Chris is bullying me all the time, Sir," I began with my explanation. "He runs after me at school throughout the day calling me dirty fox… because of my red hair. He is giving me a really hard time. I can’t stand him. I was having a short break at school. At that time, I was so called "Expert " . You know, once a week, a new student is left in the class during the break to make sure if nothing is stolen or broken. I went into this jerk's note book, spit inside and wrote on the cover - Stupid, damn ***.
"Oouu," said the priest. "And?"
"Nothing." I answered. "I was afraid," I continued, "that he would figure it out and would beat me up. So, I cleaned everything before the end of the break."
"OK," said the priest. "What else?"
I rushed back to my paper and started reading.
"I eeeee masss eeee mass, mass," I stuttered and next I apologized."No, sorry I will start again. I masss tu yyyy mastu tur tur."
"Listen," he gave up."Forget about the paper," he demanded.
"Oooo OK, I got it." I said happily, interrupting him again, and started to go from my memory.
"I skipped the mass too, trying to help my grandma. We had the harvest last week and all of us were working in the garden and…"
"Can you just forget the paper and tell me what do you remember?" Philips drawled out of his teeth.
"But all my sins are here…," I tried to explain while I was starting to get scared.
"Forget. About. The. Paper," The priest hit me with words like a church bell.
I was kneeling there with my hands lowered trying to understand. Silence covered evenly every inch of the temple. It took quite a few seconds until I heard his relaxed and sweet voice again.
"Just tell me all that you remember, please. Just that's it and all will be OK," said priest Philip.
"There is one thing," I said after awhile.
"Good. What is that?" He whispered, almost singingly.
"I feel the pain, Sir," I said. "It is like a burning sensation inside my chest," I was explaining. "It is difficult to breathe when I think about that. I feel like a bad person. It is tough to live…"
"Yes, I understand. But whaaat?" He was almost starting to beg me.
"My grandma buys chocolate bars for me once in a month," I rolled with my story. "20 bars with raisins and nuts. She hides them in the kitchen cupboard. I know exactly where. 2 weeks ago, I went there and ate all of them."
"Half a kilogram?" He asked with a surprise.
"Yes. In one shot," I replied.
"And?" He asked.
"Not much," I answered. "I was throwing up the whole day and she was laughing and laughing. She said she knew that I knew and that it was for me anyways. She was only amazed how I could fit them all in my stomach. She bought the same again the next day. It is there waiting but I promised to myself…"
"You know what," he interrupted me. There is a long line up here with people who have much bigger problems. Those are not sins…or not that kind of sins…
"But I was greedy and I feel guilty," I announced desperately.
"Not sins. OK. Next time drink a lot's of milk. That is what my mother taught me," he closed me.
I buried the paper with my sins in the ground so that nobody would be able to find out my weaknesses. Later I found out was that the best way to hide them, was to eat the whole thing. I guess, I could burn them as well. But I didn't do that and I don’t know why.