My Depths..

I have died a thousand deaths waiting for you
i have laid down all my time thinkin about you
i have made friends with the hollow skies
I have felt at home with the cold and sad nights
I have melted myself in tears as i struggled to hold on to the hope of havin you
I have accompanied my isolated personality and have steered it through ,hopin,
hopin that i reach the shore without losin myself coz
I did not want to lose myself
I did not want to lose my sadness
I did not want to lose my innocence
i did not want to lay my anxieties to rest
I wanted to protect the real me for you
so that when i reach the shore i may not feel that i don't deserve you
i want to deserve you by every fiber of my agonizing being
Now that i have reached the shore
i see you
i definitely see you
yes
there is love in your eyes
yes
there is that compassion that would lay my soul to rest peacefully
yes
there is that assurance that my wasted heart needs
BUT
...........
.........
....
..
.
Those magical emotions are not for me!!
*Sighs*
They are reserved for your dream(that is not me)
They are reserved for your ........
*Lack of words*
What an irony!!
My emotions,my dreams and my longings
the longings that have managed to stay afloat in the deepest of oceans
the longings
that have managed to live through ages and ages and ages of desperately depressed lives
those longings
have finally found me
as i have finally found them
just to realize that they are not for me
they are already reserved
and reserved for good
*Sighs n cries of a wounded heart become untamed and furiously wild*
Dropped head
Stooped shoulders
Closed eyes
Teary face
i accept my fate without complaints
Now,with my mind blank,
I m back in my boat
This time hopin to drown right in the middle of the ocean
where it's the deepest
coz i have to inquire from the creator of these depths
the flaws that he saw in "my depths".....
deleted deleted
26-30
Dec 5, 2012