Hopeless Lover Confessions

I've realized so much about love and life. That it doesn't have to be as complicated, dramatic, or a full-on tragedy. I just need to be the person for someone—the person for them. I don't know what to do to truly show someone that I can offer everything that I will to them, to show that I want to interact with their soul.
I act like a fool in front of every single person I have thought about restlessly at night, thinking of the best of what could be. The thoughts I have when I become compelled by someone depresses me, because I believe that I won't ever be the person to claim it, typically, because—inevitably—I just stand there acting like an apathetic idiot around them.
Currently, I have someone amazing that I think about right now. But, I could be screwing up every chance I have to becoming the someone for them.
Here's a hopeless story:
Recently, on one Saturday morning, I've founded new unknown interest in that someone who I've got to know more about doing a six hour walk fundraiser (raising money to build schools in Africa.) I've known the person for a long time, well, only who they are for the most part and common acquainted folk due to school, classes, friends, etc. I just never really knew them. With our conversations and hardship of this walk (bare-minimum Americans) I can truly say we did learn so much about one another during this time. The feeling was agreeably mutual.
During the next week, everything was going fine, even well... until I became hopeless and apathetic. As usual, I become very cautious, even sensitive in someones actions when I begin to feel something...with strong potential. I feel either mostly ignored, unliked, and this pathetic behavior goes on. Although I'm ashamed, I admit that I get a pretty irrational mind-set.
I suppose I just can't help but feel the risk of love, the risk of everything I've got to lose, that someone. But mostly, the someone I could be with and for them. Moreover, the fact that I hardly ever meet people I come to truly want makes it all the worse... 
Now, all I can do is hesitate, repeat words, sound stupid and either illogical; I'm becoming unlike myself. More as they knew I was when we both had first conversated. I don't want them to feel like I'm uninterested and I really don't want them to become interested. Love just feels so numbing. I hate everything about love only because I don't know how to handle its effects. I wish I was someone better. I wish I was the person for that someone.
emdi emdi
22-25, F
1 Response Dec 13, 2012

It depends if the woman or man or both shows true love about themselves i wouldnt mine if that special woman would love to meet me.