Afraid To Be Alone

What do I deserve?

I was talking with my boyfriend last night.

I asked him, what are his plans. He said he wanted to have a baby with me...then he will find a that he will be sure that he had something to get back to.

Of course I don't want that to happen. I wanted to experience a wedding... be married 1st and then have a happy family... with someone who is man enough to raise a family..and support our child.

He said he didn't want to be rich... I told him I didn't say I wanted to be rich... I just want a stable life.

I asked him, what will he do if he couldn't find a job? He told me... I am working...thus he can stay home and take care of our child. Of course I am very disappointed.. I wanted to have a companion who will not just depend on me specially on financial matters.. He should be responsible enough if he wanted to have a family.

He couldn't even give me gift on my birthday and on Christmas... I am not materialistic...but a simple thought even if he didn't buy it,,,I will surely appreciate... Just any simple thing that he can show me he wanted to make me happy.... He is not even a gentleman...

He told me since we are just arguing on things i wanted but he didn't want to...and on the things he wanted but I don't want to..maybe it's better that we break.

I thought I can.... Maybe I can... But why am I afraid to let go???

I'm afraid to be single? I am afraid to be alone.I am afraid not to be appreciated. I am afraid to hinder the simple happiness I get whenever I receive messages and I love you from him.

There's a little hope that's still remaining…very very little…I wanted to fill the cup of my patience so I can be strong enough and give up. I wanted to end this because I know it's wrong...but I don't have the courage to stand alone.

I can't give up the wrong person just because I'm so much afraid of not being loved.

How am I suppose to handle this fear?

I'm still holding on even if I'm not that happy just because I'm afraid there will be no one else to come and hug me.

I should be strong.. I should be firm.. Please help me... What should I do now?

envlained envlained
22-25, F
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

I can certainly empathize with your entire story as I have been there and still experience much of the same. I have come to the point in my life where I finally realize that you can be alone even in a relationship and happiness far outweighs any fear of being alone. I am quite used to that! I believe your story is a very common one these days and that is very sad.

I know what you mean by being afraid to be single. There are many women out there that are afraid to be single and leave the person they love. Like my sister for instance. In the beginning her boyfriend was wonderful to her. But as time went on he became abusive would always cheat on her, make her feel so low about her self that she would stop hanging out with her friends and only him. But yet she can't leave him. I believe that she is holding on to that hope that things will go back to the way they were in the beginning. When in actuality, it won't. That is pretty serious that he has a very different view on life than you do. I really do not think you would want to live pay check to pay check and miss out on everything in life. The best way is to really think about this. Would you really want to live this kind of life? Would you really want to miss out on experiencing things in life for him? There are many other men out there. Mister right will come your way. I hope whatever you chose you will be happy.

i totally agree with ItsAGirlThing, dont marry this person, you dont know what could happen if you did, what if he walks out on you, once you have a kid, sometimes its good to think about the future right? Just leave this person alone and listen to good music to get over your heartbeak issues, i know it wont be easy but if you want your sanity youll do it,