I Keep Making The Same Mistakes

All i ever wanted was to have someone by my side and whenever i get close to that i freak out and do or say something stupid, its like a habit. If i get them then i not consciously push them away, i can understand this but it's always happened and no matter how much i tell myself not to make the same mistakes or to act a certain way, it ends up happening but not the same way but same results.

At school year 5 i had the rep of the quiet unknown one, then i got mixed up in year 7, things with my boyfriend were weird, then year 8, to get the guy attention i was being all lovey dovey and said some stupid things that i didn't mean and then i got called a stalker, even though it wasn't stalker like. Year 10 i got another boyfriend and he went around and told everyone i was crazy, then i got messed up with someone i shouldn't and now i'm a desperate **** (yet again what i did wasn't desperate and nor had i been full on slutty).

I cant understand why it keeps happening, i dont actually act crazy nor weird and yet i get the reputation of that, i get playful with them and sweet and then they leave, i just want someone to stay with me forever and hold me tight and just understand me. I want a man who i can punch and he hits me (playfully and softly) back, who will kiss the top of my head, who will let me cook for him, who will watch movies with me. Someone beautiful both personality wise and physically. Am i asking too much?