Ever had something you felt for someone wanted to confess even if it didn't make a difference? Something that you just want to say because it's been bothering you, you want to get it off of your chest, and you feel that it would be fair to the other person that should know, but for some unknown reason, you just can't say it? I feel that I need to tell my exes/friends Jason and Chris that Jason's been the one that I've always chased after. When I got into the dating scene in my Connecticut with the help of a former friend, he introduced me to dating apps and on one of them I saw Jason and wanted to message him because we had a lot in common, but he was barely on it and I had self-confidence issues and thought that he wouldn't want to talk to someone like me. So then I began to talk to Chris and we hit it off and we had some chemistry, so I decided to pursue and see if anything else would develop. The day that we were decided to meet in person was the day that I met Jason and I am neutral when it comes to fate, but I do believe that it delivered him to my door. A part of me felt like I made a mistake in my choice, but I also wanted to be fair and give Chris a chance. The three of us talked and Jason and I spend the night at Chris's and when it came to sleep, I did lightly flirt with Jason and he did in return and when I went home the next day Chris told me that Jason said that I was cute. I felt a little guilty and I still gave Chris a chance. However, things began to feel as if they were just going with the motions because I didn't know Chris's feelings and my own couldn't develop from that. It felt like he didn't want a "boyfriend" but just someone for companionship and to spoil him. We then broke up and months after, that's when I began to reveal some of my feelings for Jason, but the former friend of mine that introduced me to the apps, Sam, also had feelings for him and revealed his true, trashy side when Jason, myself, and two friends of ours were at his house by literally throwing himself on Jason and being inappropriately forward (grinding on him and actually trying to give him a ******* in front of all of us). His actions fortunately pushed Jason to make a decision to date me and all was well until we broke up the 21st of June because he said that he needed to get his life together and things felt rushed even when we tried to take things slow. A part of me felt the same about the latter because he made the decision from a third factor and I really didn't get the fair chance of getting to know him, but I felt that I really should have told him how I really felt at that moment or when we were dating. Now it feels too late because he's "interested" in a 19 year old high schooler he used to date 2 years ago and hasn't talked to ever since until he visited recently this month and is still confused about his emotions. I've come to terms with how he claims he feels, but I just don't want this to remain on my shoulders because I feel that I won't have the chance to tell them again.
jamie1292 jamie1292
26-30, M
1 Response Aug 20, 2014