I Slept With Someone Without Telling Them I Have Herpes.

I have felt absolutely horrible since then, and it's been torturing me up inside.
Recently (about a month or two ago) I was diagnosed with herpes that I contracted from my ex that I was with for 5 years. I was devastated, felt like my life was over. But then I read extensively on the condition, and realized the stigma was a lot worse than the disease itself.

With a transmission rate of 1% using condoms, suppressive therapy and in between outbreaks (haven't had one since I first contacted it), I thought it would be ok to have sex in my drunken state. After the alcohol wore off I realized how stupid it was that I took that risk without telling the person before we went all the way.

I am so incredibly burdened by guilt. I have been keeping daily contact with said person since the incident, seeing if they're doing okay health-wise but I am dreading to see if this person contracted it. I haven't said anything about my condition to them, and don't plan on ever being active with them again because of the shame and guilt I feel.

I have never in my life ever felt so guilty and ashamed in myself.
I never thought I was capable of doing something so horrible.
This person is very special and I would rather lose a limb than pass this illness to him/her.

I just really don't think I know myself as well as I thought...
I came so far in building myself to do good, and now I do something like this. This is the worst thing I have ever done in my life.
misadventure misadventure
22-25
Jul 15, 2010