I Have Always Wondered What The Root Cause Is.

my parents?....NO....they are loving and always concerned about me as they do to the rest of my sibs.....My siblings and relatives? hmmm......NO....always wondering how to make it in life. Besides they are treated the same way as i am by our parents....then who could it be?.....OH SNAP....I think its me. The formula is with errors with me in it. Am different in aspects regarding my family when it comes to me. Lately i've been this cold blooded rock hearted dont care homo sapien. Its comes out clearly that am a horrible person and to be sincere, i really dont think that its going to change anytime sooner. Its in me and its eating me up bit by bit until am alone and in the dark, never to be salvaged again.

labrynth labrynth
22-25, M
2 Responses Mar 8, 2010

I don't think you're horrible at all.

I think I need to see more proof of this alleged horribleness. I see nothing here about you beating the crap out of your family, setting the house on fire, or even kicking the family dog. What I DO get out of this, though, is a sense of resentment and anger towards your family which is not clearly defined. <br />
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If you care and you're willing to put some effort into thoroughly analyzing the situation, you're salvageable. Sometimes an outsider's point of view on a situation like this can be very helpful. I've taken a moment to read some of your stories here and it's not hard to see at least some of the roots of your resentment. A near fatal head injury which confined you to the hospital for nearly two years only to be followed up by another series of severe illnesses when you were in your mid-teens; a birthday party with your family during which you were ignored when cake was being distributed; etc. I get the impression that you feel guilty for "putting your parents' patience to the test" because of your fragility yet at the same time you feel unloved and/or ostracized by them. At best, this would be a very confusing situation.<br />
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Again, you may benefit greatly by sharing some of your thoughts/feelings on your family life with an outsider; perhaps a healthcare provider of some kind. I just don't see the horrible person that you describe here -- but I DO see a disappointed, confused, and frustrated person. <br />
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Truly wishing you the best ...