Life can become so awful than it used to be. it becomes so clear when you look upon for the answers and doubts that lingers in your mind. Truth shows itself, hitting so hard that you drop dead as a cold fish. I’ve been through all the letters and words that showed itself without any blinds. Trying to reconcile with my beliefs hoping to unplug the thorns inside my heart, yet it goes deeper and deeper. Prying on every possibility to catch on, hoping to get a stable state of the soul. Leashed inside the house that they made. Even my birth was in chaos. I don’t know if I came from there where they claim to be. Parents I had with much effort, though not a mother and father. Siblings I had who they tend to be but not a brother or a sister. Relationships who I thought they would be but not a single friend. Routineness of falling down and being stepped on has kept the mind in frustration and stress. Calmness, satisfaction, peace and happiness is what I seek through all these days. I found out that every step that I take is always another mistake that just brings disaster. I couldn’t be myself and I couldn’t be what they want me to be. I don’t have a problem with life but life itself has a problem with me. All of them have a problem with me. And I couldn’t find the answer no matter how hard I try, i fail it in the end. The apparent skill that I think I got is making me every way possible to screw it up. I am bad with words and thoughts that I have got and get tumbled upon the reasons that I have made. Each and every fascinating fable that I’ve fabricated in my dreams, not a least bit of it has ever come true. Walking down the path of an entirely different and lonely dimension, cursing the inhumane being within thyself. I go back in the past where I was sane like others, selfish and reasonable. Thinking of all the things that I have done in the past and it so wonderfully lead me here in this state which I couldn’t even possibly have dreamt of. All I can do is lie in wait for the things to come and face it strong and alive.
huntsam huntsam
22-25, M
Aug 18, 2014