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It Is My Fault

i like and need attention, I don't need your approval ,just your attention. My wife doesn't get that. I have been waiting 28 years for her to get into her prime.It ain't here yet ,so I guess she won't now.don't remember the last kiss, or the last hug.so I have looked else where. so won't let it go. been 20years now. Every May 14 ,she says do you know where you were so many years ago today. It catches me off guard because I bearly remember where I was yesterday .
bquick bquick 51-55, M 25 Responses Jan 16, 2008

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I have been in a sexless marriage for 7 years, i have tried so hard to figure out what is wrong, but the only answer i got was YOU. So i decided 3 years later to move out of our bedroom into a spare room, he didn't ask me why i moved out of the bedroom, Hoping he would say something, so i asked him do you find me unattractive he just yelled at me NO, then i asked him so you don't love me, his reply was the same just THAT'S RIGHT. I asked him if you wanted a divorce he said NO. which really upset me, because although there was no sex, no communication, he expected me to stay, Needless to say I will soon be divorced, And i looking forward to not being under the same room, knowing everyday i wake up he just ignores me, i feel like i have been doing jail time for the last 7 years, But i am looking forward to my future.

Al Bebahk hit the nail on the head. There is no solution because they don't see a problem. The fact is they don't need or want sex. So to get what you want you would have to convince them to do something the consider a pain in the ***. And it the do it they will do it half as because they will be the minimum they need to get by. It would be like if she was trying to get you to have sex with a completely unattractive person… there would damn better be a good reason for you to follow through and if you did you would just want to get the heck out of there...

Just a little note from a wife's prospective here. A woman wants affection, to feel loved. All the little things such as kisses, cuddling, holding each other all night long, touching, saying nice things to her along the way. All these things we women love also. If a person gets all these things then sex or making love just makes it all the better. I am in a sexless marriage. My husband barely talks to me much less touches or kisses me. I am a fairly attractive woman, I try to take care of myself. He just doesn't seem to be interested anymore. I don't feel much love between us anymore. I am a very affectionate person and I need to be loved and feel loved. We still share the same bed but never touch. If he gets any further on his side of the bed he just might fall off, lol. I feel we were all built in to have affection for people we love. It's only natural to want to love and be loved. I miss that alot, just as I am sure you do. Thaks for listening to a woman's point of view. Hope things get better for you two.

Someone on EP suggested a book "His Needs, Her Needs". I checked it out. You could have written it. Women need affection, Men need sex. Simple as that.

Clue in your husband that you can't live without affection. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to need sex. Or is getting it elsewhere.

This resonated with me. Maybe it might help you.

No sale. Nothing is ever that simple.

Sorry. I gave you the Reader\'s Digest condensed version of the book and shouldn\'t have. The book is better than that and should be worth the read.

That's the same ol' same ol' men-mars, women-venus horseshit. Assuming men only want sex and women only want affection is the most immature, prime-time television for the masses horseshit that was ever re-packaged and sold to the low IQ public that I have ever known. Why people continue to buy into this same old bullshit I'll never know. You would really have to be stupid son-of-a-***** to buy into this placebo for the masses.

Well, when I started my replies to lonelyinva, I was just saying that her comment made her sound like she wrote the book. And that she needed to TELL her husband that she needed affection from him. It sounded like she is living that Mars/Venus life and needs to do something about it. That's all.

In what you wrote, replace "woman" and "man" with the word "spouse". You took the words from my mouth, only I am a man. I need affection. I need intimacy. I need sex. She prefers dominance through withholding. I'm losing my feelings for her as a result.

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Not trying to be bitter folks, just want to understand why. Went from player when younger to responsible in my 30s. 13 year relationship. U can even ask my wife, seriously. I just want to know why, Some women want a reliable type for marriage but want the dangerous type for an affair and excitement. Make up ur minds! We r considered male ****** if we act that way.

Interesting, I do the bulk of the house work, half the cooking, all the outside work, show my wife attention, massages, feet and back and shoulders, Gotta cook tonite, hell taught her a lot on cooking. No strings attached, she is supposed to be my partner, AM not un experienced. Before I settled down, was a U.S. Sailor Horndog! Granted we both work, have a nice place, and nice vehicles for tEXAS. sO WHAT AM i DOING WRONG? sHE COULDNT GET ENOUGH OF ME AIN THE FIRST TWO YEARS, THEN WE GET MARRIED AND ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE HAS NO PHYS FEELING SEXUALLY. So did I do something to turn her off by giveing her attention, or was it an act to trap a relationship. Any advice would be nice, and appreciated. And I am not a scag for what that ia worth, work keeps me in pretty good shape after 10 hrs a day.

It's called biological imperative. Women are biologically driven to mate, give birth, nest, seek security. Once women have satisfied their needs, their husbands are relegated to drones whose sole purpose is to work themselves to death providing for the queen bee and her offspring. The only way to win is to chose not to play. Remember the movie War Games? Chose not to play.

:o(

You now men as bitter and resentful as you sound, I have to say I agree with you on the "House Wife with Everything" not talking care of her man.



Anyone that is willing to work and take care of "you" should be taken care of at home.



Otherwise, all the selfish people should be taking care of themselves.....and NOT taking advantage of the men willing to be men.

Whats up with our wives??? They get everything they want from us and more but they still feel that they need to control us by withholding sex???

Many people have told me that my wife doesn't know what she has in me and that when I decide to leave her she would get a very rude awakening when she tries to treat another man the way she's been treating me. It's been said that I have spoilt my wife too much in the 4 years we've been married and that she gets everything she wants when she wants it so she would have no desire to want to change unless I start being more firm with her. I have to agree that she is spoilt as she does get everything she wants but doesn't give as much as she is getting.

I've also moved out of the bedroom and into one of the other rooms because I cant take all the rejection, night after night anymore and she hasn't even said anything about me moving into another room. It seems as if though she is relieved that I am in another room now. What really gets me is that she pretends to the rest of the world that everything is great!

I am only 28; been married for 3 years but I am already contemplating starting to look for an affair!

Very very sad indeed!

From her perspective, everything is great. Let her know it is your turn and spell out what you want. With luck, she is clueless and willing - things might change. If not, get out. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on a one-way relationship. You deserve better - get it from her or get out.

Get a girlfriend. Move her in!

Deerslayer you are so right!!! My wife has everything, no job, does whats she wants and pays no attention to me.

Men, I am a woman that had "your sexless life" My husband would "cut me off" for punishment over the smallest things or for no reason at all.



So instead of being controlled, unhappy and sexless, I left. Walked away. Gave up more than some people will ever have in their live, but..



I am a loving SINGLE woman, happy with myself and free.



I guess my question is;



Is half your "stuff" worth all your confidence, self esteme and sexuality?

Is half your "stuff" worth all your confidence, self esteem and sexuality?

Well stated!

Is that some kind of veiled threat?

I am in a very happy and commited marriage. I have a house, money, security and equal love and respect for one another. Sex isn't a big deal, but I do "give" it to my husband because I want too, and it is me that is the "little horn dog" as my man calls me lol!! Maybe your wives just don't feel good about themselves. You say you give them everything, that you do everything, but we want to be able to do stuff for our men too.

And all we want is to make love to the woman we love. But that is the stuff they won't do...

man, i hate reading this @#$%, because it is SO TRUE! i cant understand women, we, as men just want to feel good about ourselves and our women can make that happen with just a little attention, just a little. WHY, WHY, WHY, are women so great to start with, only to turn it off later? I KNOW WHY. they are ****** and are programmed to do this. and i cant help but think that we as men are at fault. maybe. if women only knew how it affects us when we are thought of as the one that rocks her world

There is a very simple answer to your question which I have posted many, many times. You are asking the WRONG question! There is no need to ask "why" women treat men like **** after they get everything they want. Like the proverbial scorpion, that is simply their nature. Women don't give a rat's *** what you want or need, they only care about what they want or need. Deal with it. Stop being so immature and idealistic.

I too feel your pain. I have been married now for 26 years. I haven't had sex in 26 months (yeah seriously). I too believe she has received everything as I was the stay at home Dad for our three kids and did the housework. She hurt her back in 1998 and I worked even harder. We have tried over the years to get some professional help but it never seems to take even after I make the changes necessary. I have now just given up. She has told me six times since her back injury to find it elsewhere but I am just not that kind of guy.

Now I find I don't have the self confidence to leave or find anyone else. So I sit here and be depressed. Watch all the great women out there who I know would love the things I could offer but do nothing. I honestly think it was ingrained in me at a very early age as my father died when I was 10 weeks old and I was raised by my mother and grandmother. "Women are to be help in high regard. "

I too am in a sexless relationship. And like most, have the home, kids, lifestyle but little to no interest in sex from my wife. We have talked about it, worked on it, made a bunch of promises that were forgotten a week later. So you know what i do...I cheat. As bad as that sounds it works. I dont have a relationship with anyone, but if I meet someone and we click. We have sex. I am usually upfront on exactly what I want from them, and believe it or not they are sometimes ok with it. So my thoughts now turn to when is my next business trip or when is the family going out of town without me. I amazed at the experience after meeting and knowing someone for 3-4 hours as compared to living with someone and giving your life to for 10 years. If i could get divorce and not loose everything I would, but I know that would never happen. So I do the only option I feel I have left...

I don't know. I am a married woman who has the "house, money and security" but NO sex and I WANT IT!

Can you have a talk with all of our wives and ask them why they don't want it?

Albebahk, you got it right, dude. My wife's got everything exactly the way she wants it. House, money, security, and no sex. There's no incentive to change.

Right!

I also am in a sexless marriage and feel your pain. I have to ask for hugs and kisses and only get them after a bit of complaining out of her. She has been sleeping in one of the kids rooms for over a year now because I snore. Yeah ok, so for 15 years it didn't bother you, but now all the sudden you can't take it. I have offered to go under the knife to reduce the snoring, but she claims she worries about me having the operation. Although I have come to believe it would mean she would have to return to "our" bed. I recently decided to stop even asking for it anymore because she just gets all pissed off when I do. However needing attention also, I asked her to lay with me other other night. She told me it was too cold and she would have to get up and move after a while and that all I wanted out of her was sex anyway. Now this upset me because really I just wanted to cuddle with her. I can't help but feeling like she is seeing someone else. She has lost a lot of weight in the past year or so and looks better than ever. Although I am not "over weight" I am not in the same shape I was when we married 13 years ago. I am starting to think maybe we would both be happier if we moved on. I know I can't go on forever without sex, so it's about time for me to make a decision on my next move.

I concur...she is stepping out.

hey

so sadddddd and unbelievable!!!

u have lived with ur wife in a sexless marriage for soooooooo long and u want to carry on!

I cant imagine why she has no feelings for u?

maybe uve not tried hard enough to earn her attention?

I used to hate having sex! but it was because my ex husband didnt know how to make me enjoy it!!!

But when he did finally find out- he was amazed!!!

I would go begging for more and more..

then he called me a ***** and dumped me.

It is refreshing to hear one man's success story.

l am also in a sexless marriage and understand your pain. l also love to cuddle and l am a very caring a passionate person so l know how it can affect you. lt is to bad that you had to look else where and l will not judge you for it. When you are as affectionate as we are it is almost like going without food you start to starve for any kind of attention you can get. l really hope the best for you and that you can get the affection that you need from your wife, you odviously love her or you wouldn't be with her.

I'm in a sexless marriage. Go see a sex therapist? Right. Believe me, when a woman gets everythign she needs (money, house, alimonay, children) there's no reason for her to start doing what she never wanted to do in the first place - put out. All the jumping around by him - to fix her problem will be a waste of time and energy. She has no skin in the game. She can walk any time she wants and knows nothing will be lost that she cares about. What possibly could motivate her?



People are not angels. Even women. I'll bet if he put her up on a pedistal, did all of the house work, showered her with praise and gave her sensuous messages, cooked her meals and took her out to dinner, told her how gorgeous she is and how much he loves her every day - she might... might... put out once, but you can darned well bet she aint gonna treat him half as nice as he treated The Queen.



She has no skin in the game. Why do anything?

Not "even women", rather "especially women."

I'm in a sexless marriage. Go see a sex therapist? Right. Believe me, when a woman gets everythign she needs (money, house, alimonay, children) there's no reason for her to start doing what she never wanted to do in the first place - put out. All the jumping around by him - to fix her problem will be a waste of time and energy. She has no skin in the game. She can walk any time she wants and knows nothing will be lost that she cares about. What possibly could motivate her?



People are not angels. Even women. I'll bet if he put her up on a pedistal, did all of the house work, showered her with praise and gave her sensuous messages, cooked her meals and took her out to dinner, told her how gorgeous she is and how much he loves her every day - she might... might... put out once, but you can darned well bet she aint gonna treat him half as nice as he treated The Queen.



She has no skin in the game. Why do anything?

I'm in a sexless marriage. Go see a sex therapist? Right. Believe me, when a woman gets everythign she needs (money, house, alimonay, children) there's no reason for her to start doing what she never wanted to do in the first place - put out. All the jumping around by him - to fix her problem will be a waste of time and energy. She has no skin in the game. She can walk any time she wants and knows nothing will be lost that she cares about. What possibly could motivate her?



People are not angels. Even women. I'll bet if he put her up on a pedistal, did all of the house work, showered her with praise and gave her sensuous messages, cooked her meals and took her out to dinner, told her how gorgeous she is and how much he loves her every day - she might... might... put out once, but you can darned well bet she aint gonna treat him half as nice as he treated The Queen.



She has no skin in the game. Why do anything?

So true... How did we (I) paint ourselves into this corner? they (women like yours and mine) have trained us...We (men in our boat) don't make our relationship about things, we don't withhold things, we don't expect sex for these things, but then they make it about sex (or no sex) by withholding sex. How did we give over control of our sex lives to these selfish women, who neither love or respect us unless maybe they are pampered in the way they want to be......

she won't seek help...she has told me she knows they will take my side....so why go....

She would be surprised. Sex therapist and family counselors rarely take the side of the husband, rather, the result is far more likely to mirror family court where the maxim is "the one with the **** wins."

I feel for you and know exactly how you feel, being in a sexless marriage is terrible. Maybe she should see a sex therapist? If she doesn't want to get help then you need to decide if you want to be in a sexless marriage for the rest of your life. I for one am getting the hell out. I want sex and alot of it. Good luck to you.

I have decided that i would sleep elsewhere oh would you believe ,she hasn't asked why? so my son sleeps with his mother again thought I would never get him out of our bed then, but this Time I don't care.



No sex last month and it is a good probablity none this month too. If I could suck my own I wouldn't need her any way ( oh that never has been her either )