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I, Too, Am In A Sexless Marraige

My wife was sexually abused by her older brother ( He is 11 years older then her, raped her repeatedly from when she was 6 to 8). My wife had repressed those memories untill he Mother died. Her mother had everything listed with my wife as co-owner (House, CD's IRA's). yet her brother was the oldest of the surviving kids and made settling the estate difficult. Well, it brought back the repressed memories for my wife, who is in her late 40's. That was 10 years ago. No sex since then, but can't leave as she only works part time and with her lawyers she wold get have my Roth IRAs. So here i sit................
Bob472 Bob472 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 27, 2011

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Yes, we have been to counselling as a couple. and my wife still sattends weekly sessions, both a small group and individual therapy. It has helped. but my wife has been seiing her counsler for 8 years now

@Bob,<br />
Am I to assume you both have been to professional counselling? I see nothing in your post about trying to work through the tragedy that your wife experienced as a child. All too often we tend to repress terrible things that happen to us, especially as children. The problem in the case of rape is - It's a ticking time-bomb, that unfortunately exploded when she had to deal with her older sibling. I can relate, as my wife was a rape victim; Her male cousins attacked her on several occasions from ages 9 to 12. She also repressed her attacks, until they exploded on us. Rape is a terrible thing to experience, and repressing the memories only delays confronting them. I applaud you for staying there this long, but you sound like you threw in the towel on your marriage some time ago. I've been married for 20 years, and have been coping with the problems for almost that long. We did seek professional help, and it eased the pain for her. Our marriage is not perfect, but at least we are still there for each other. Therapy helps, but it only works when both of you want help. I hope it's not too late for you.