Month To Month

That's how my sex life works. My wife started her period yesterday and I laughed and said "you made it another cycle without having to have sex. It's like having a picnic and finishing before the misquitoes come. You know they are coming, they are going to bother you, but you made it through". She actually laughed and I asked, do you think about sex or intimacy and she said yes. The problem is she thinks about a lot of things but doesn't take action. She thinks about rejoining weight watchers, she thinks about doing a couch potato to 5K program but doesn't, she thinks about being active but ends up watching DVR's TV or rummaging Facebook for hours on end. I've come to the realization that it's just who she is. Now I just need to figure out if I can live with it for the long term.

I can't go into all the back channels of our relationship, family issues, weight gain/weight loss, depression, etc. I understand it all and sympathize with her struggles but at some point you need to take charge of your own sitiation and be responsible for your life. I know I do!

The reason we don't have sex? She's lazy. We love each other, communicate, and share in all facets of a busy household. She gets more than enough "her time". If I fold another sheet, wash another dish, or cook another meal it won't make a difference. Actually when I'm done typing this I'm going to the grocery store with the kids and out to play at the beach. She'll stay at home.

Off to be the best parent I can be.
vacationguy vacationguy
36-40, M
8 Responses May 22, 2011

I thought my situation sucked by after reading many peoples comments about years without sex I guess maybe I am just a little whiny *****. We have sex, just maybe a few times a month and only once I get up the courage to basically beg for it. <br />
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I already do plenty around the house. I get home from work before she does and I pick up our daughter on the way home. I usually have time to make the bed, straighten up the house, and have dinner made before she arrives home. I do the grocery shopping and plenty of other cleaning as well. The only thing I do not do is laundry. Sometimes I think I will take it up to improve my chances of getting her to "appreciate" me more and then I throw up in my mouth. It makes me sick to think that I am sitting here thinking about sex in a tradeoff type situation. If she does not have a natural desire for it, I don't want it from her. I will not accept any more pity sex where I have to look at her "get it over with" face.<br />
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I have decided to not make any more advances after getting turned down so many times and I know where this is going to get me...10 years down the road in a completely celibate marriage. At night when we go to bed I get so furious inside that i want to open the door and jump off the balcony and be done with it.<br />
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I guess I should have seen this coming. At one point before we got married we went 6 months without sex and I nearly left her for this hot little blonde that wanted to **** my brains out. I did the right thing and told her about how I have feelings for this girl long before anything happened (like we agreed to do before we started seriously dating) but I ended up staying anyways. And what did this get me? Resentment from her because she is like other women who only seem to remember the bad. Never mind that I am a nearly perfect father and nearly perfect husband, I am sure all she remembers is that i almost left her for some ***** whom she thinks I probably cheated on her with, which I did not.<br />
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Moral of the story...after reading other peoples posts, looks like the next 50 years of my life will be spent living with my best friend in a Platonic relationship. I just hope for the sake of my Daughter that I do not commit suicide at some point when it becomes too much because i will never, ever cheat on my wife.

Don't kill yourself,dude.A piece of *** (or the lack thereof) isin't worth taking your own life.It's a shame you don't want an affair.You owe it to yourself.

Leave. Her. It's not good for the kid to live in a household like that. It affects everything.

I heard nothing about asking her on a date? Have you tried it! It sounds like you guys have the perfect relationship for it. Start over....ask her out. Have fun and communicate about your relationship...not the kids, bills, family or work. Just the two of you! Its great you are able to laugh at what most mean would file for divorce for! Good Luck.

Great advice!

I sympathize as well. Your story sounds like mine. I do tons of work around the house so she can have energy for sex, but it never matters. I work a very stressful job where I am on my feet all day, then I come home to take care of things before she gets off work. Dinner is made, house is clean, with quiet music playing. No one wants to come home to chaos. And she doesn't do anythng beyond giving me a quick peck on the cheek. I feel like a roommate. This is my second marriage. In the first the sex was over after year two and we were married for 17 years. I told my current wife I would not live in a sexless marriage and I mean it. I am planning an exit. I have done so much self examination to see whether I am a bad person, husband, etc, and I do everything that a husbadn is expected to do. The ironic thing is it is not about the sex or lack of it. I want to be wanted. Desired. Even sex without that is just dead. She doesn't seem to want me and like you, that just hurts worse than anything..

I have the same issue. My wife and I have been married for 14 years now we have 3 great kids young but they are my life. We have little to no sex at all from weeks on end. We have talked about it but she just states all men want sex only that is the only thing you want. She dose not like sex she feel it is a waste of time. She has said before " If we did not have to do sex ever again I would love it". I know she works long days but so do I we both do thing at home she said that she loves me but never show me affection, and dose not sleep with me any more. I have asked her why? she said that it is to much temtation for me for her to sleep me with me. We used to have sex a lot before but now it seem like she just dose not see as some thing that is good. I love her, and she is my life but i can do this any more. What can i do?

I owuld be happy with making love 1-2 times/week. We were recently on vacation (well it was the last week of April and that was the last time we had sex) and we had sex about 8 times in 6 days which was almost too much for me (be careful what you wish for). <br />
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If I hear one more person say I need to cook, clean, hang with the kids for my wife to want me I'll jumo out a window. My kids leave for school at 7:15 every morning (after I make them all breakfast and lunch) and my wife has 7 hours to do WHATEVER she wants. Some days she putts around the house talking to friends, playing angry birds, makes the bed, and goes to the grocery store (reluctantly) all while I work. There are also days like yestreday where she went to the beach for 4 hours and read half a book. Her life is VERY stressful:). I work all day, come home, talk about her day, hang out with the kids, l lay in bed with all of them to catch up and recap on the day (the stuff they tell me) and then try to hang out with her and share some quality time but it leads to nothing.<br />
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I don't think 60% of marriage is sex but I also don't think 1% is either. It's got to be somewhere in the middle.

You live a rich life my friend. Most would do well to envy you. *smiles*

u may think that this is disgusting me and my husband actually have sex on my period . i go down on him without him asking , i give him massages after a long day at work , we cook together and play with the kids together . i dnt know what is wrong with these women that some of you guys have . marriage is over 60% sex . it is a stated fact . me and my husband have sex 3-4 times a night .

living this type of life is not easy. i did it for 13yrs and could take it no more. i deserve better and hopefully someday i will find the right person for me. that wants to have sex doesn't feel like its another chore.

It's hilarious when my wife says things like "I just got my period I guess we can't have sex." I swear she starts her period every week. Then she tries to sound apologetic like shes so bummed that we can't have sex. all the while she is planning out the next excuse she can use to reject me with. I almost feel like I have the right to cheat. I don't, but am i supposed to go the rest of my life without sex? I'm 33 years old. I don't want to waste my best years begging and pleading with my WIFE to give me a pity screw. It's so pathetic I want to throw up.

I'm not so sure "the best years" are all the same. I'd say it depends on perspective. If you never get laid through those 'best years' then in your fifties the rockin' won't stop; I'd be willin' to bet a renaming of 'the best years' would be in order.

I agree.Wives shouldn't use sex as a bargaining chip.I'm so tired of being rejected I don't even ask for it anymore.Currently looking for a FWB (without much luck I may add).

My wife bought a big box of non lubricated condoms that she makes me wear if she is going to try to ********** me. She can't stand the sticky fluids. She bought them at least a year ago and there are still a bunch left. She jokes that the box should last a year. I have a saying for that, that I get the"******* of her time". It's no joke.