A Sexless Marriage From A Female View...So you're in a sexless marriage ..now what?? I have found there are more complaints from men being in a sexless marriage than women. Have you ever wondered why? I've read many stories, including those in this group and I find that most are missing some very important aspects of the relationship and I think a female perspective would be of value to you. Now, I'm not saying that all women share my view but it's possible that your wife may have some of the same views, so pay attention!
Once upon a time... we met you and we tried our hardest to flirt, show off, make you want us, make you love us. We spent hours getting ready. We did our hair, we put on make up, we made sure we had every little detail taken care of down to painting our toe nails. We paid for over-priced bras and lingerie. We watched what we ate. In fact most times, we ate before we met you for a date because we didn't want you to think we ate like a "pig". We thought about you constantly but not in the way you thought about us. We thought about long romantic walks in the fall. We thought about kisses in the rain. We thought about watching movies and cuddling. When we thought about what the "first time" would be like, we were thinking about what we'd be wearing, what the room would look like ( candles), we were thinking about how it would feel to finally emotionally connect with you. We wrote your last name down behind our first name to see how it sounded. We dreamed about the perfect wedding. We dreamed about having our first baby and what an amazing experience that would be, how it would bring us so much closer together. We dreamed about always kissing you good night, always cuddling you. We dreamed about you always being there for us, sharing every laugh and every tear. We dreamed about how we would walk through life together, like two trees that stand alone but sway together. We imagined ourselves growing old with you.. watching our children have children.
And then... after we got married.... the reality set in...
All of the sudden things aren't fun anymore. Now, we divide and assign "chores" to be done around the house. We get secretly irritated because you don't do things the way we do and we don't do them the way you do. The sex that we once really enjoyed is like a re-run of Happy Days, something you still enjoy to a point but only want to watch it because nothing else is on. We've already tried everything, in every position and now.. with 3 kids under 10, we'd rather sleep. We argue and fight over parenting issues, money issues, your family, my family, jobs and even the small things like remember to put the toilet seat down or replacing the empty toilet paper roll.
Here are some of the main reasons why "we" might not have interest in sex with you anymore...
1) When we have sex with you, we are reminded of how many times you have violated our trust. It doesn't matter if it was a serious offense like adultery or it was talking smack about us to your mother. WE REMEMBER EVERYTHING!
2) When we have sex with you, we are thinking in the back of our minds about all the mean and hurtful things you've said over the years whether intentional or unintentional, you've hurt us and you probably didn't even know and if you did, you down played it and said we over reacted.
3) When we have sex with you, we may feel bitter that as you age you get better looking and women get worse looking. We've had your babies, we have stretch marks, we have flab, we have less sensations in our vaginas because we pushed YOUR huge babies out of it. We breastfed YOUR babies which made our boobs look like saddlebags.
4) Men are jerks by nature- along the way, you've helped build up our wall against you. Every time you looked too long at a younger, thinner, more beautiful woman, YOU DAMAGED US! Every time you made a suggestive comment about another woman, YOU DAMAGED US! Every time we walked in on you watching **** or lusting after another women.. YOU DAMAGED US!
5) Men are stupid- You have made us feel inferior and really it's just your nature to do so. When you disapprove of our cooking, our cleaning, our child rearing, our career choice, our weight, our family, and our brain.. we remember..
6) This is probably the most important... try eating mac n cheese everyday of your life.. or maybe just 3 times a week and see how sick of it you get... Yup, that's it right there. You sit here and whine and complain about all the sex you aren't getting but have you ever stopped to consider that the sex you're offering isn't worth wanting?
You want us to be a good housewife and a **** in the bedroom who rolls over for the same ole same old and screams like a **** star... Yea, right!! It's time to get real! Over the years, besides all the above stuff you're guilty of, you've gotten fat! You have more love handles to love these days and it's not exactly eye candy if you know what I mean. Over the years, we've learn to accept you and love you, including your "short comings" but the truth be told, your hairy back doesn't turn me on in the least.
Suppose you work out, stay in good health with no hairy back.. then I guess i'm not talking about you. Maybe.. just maybe you're BORING!!!! No matter what position you're in.. you will still have the same penis. It will feel the same, you will still do the same things during sex because you are still the same person.
So many women have never even had an ****** and that's really your fault! We don't want to hurt your fragile ego by telling you that we fake it either every time or the majority of the time. Yea.. yea.. we know.. surely i'm not talking about you because " you take pleasure in making sure your woman is getting pleasure and if she isn't you aren't getting any"! Yadda yadda.. we've all heard it before.. the same one liner that only dumb or mute women really believe.
Rule of thumb- if you haven't seriously screwed up in your marriage and damaged it beyond repair and there aren't any medical issues.. you need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and find out what you can change to offer better sex!!
P.S. I wish you the best sex ever!! Good Luck!
A Female Sex Addict
The having sex once a week or once a month is really the same coping mechanism that men use when they watch ****. Oh, you thought men were the only ones that had a need for " variety"? Think again!! Women are actually more sexual by nature because women can have multiple ******* while men can only have one at a time. If women wait once a week or even once a month, the sex feels some what different or at least we some what forget how much it sucks and we wait a month and try it again!!
Men rarely see their short comings at all! As you get older, your penis isn't as hard anymore which can cause less satisfaction to an already worn out (baby birthing) vagina that lost a lot of sensation during child birth. Check yourself!! I have found that most men are not aware of how much they really suck in bed. It's a male thing, I've never met a male who thought he sucked in bed, have you? Stop blaming your wife for not getting any and take the time to really look at yourself. Stand naked in a full length mirror and ask yourself if you would have sex with you.
While you are taking the time to reexamine yourself and the situation at hand, don't look to **** to give you ideas on how to spice things up in the bedroom. It's idiotic to look **** as sexual instruction when the women in **** are faking ******.
Educate yourself on sex, intimacy and spirituality.