It's Not Just About The Sex....

Good words but fear binds you to inaction, on the other hand dogma lovers do supper at the old table ! Eat your good words until they become you then you will act

I am going through the same thing. It's been this way the day we got married. I feel tricked! Sure, it gets better for a tiny speck of time. But it goes right back to the way it always has been. Cold, lonely, and no sex. I realize now she will never change.

The tough, part of change is that others like it less than we do. I imagine that you like myself and others have a whole bunch of people with a "stake" in us being who we are and where we are in the grand social order of our lives and expect us not to change. Even if living in our spot is slowly killing us.



At some point, and it is different for everyone, we cross a line that signals the end of hope. I don't think many people notice it at the time.But at some reflective point in the future you will spot it way behind you. Once you have done this you know you have to do something for yourself and to forget the others that want you to stay put in your slot in life. By posting on here you have started to verbalize your situation, problems and need to feel happiness. The next step if you haven't already done so is that you will begin to talk to others about it. Even if it is just in a small way.



What you need to do now is look at your options for you to go forwards in live. Your wife has already decided where and how she wants to be. Your only decision is do you want to join her or move onto something better? If you stay, suck it up and be happy.



If you want more, you are going to have to make those plans and take action. I suspect that even if you think you are good to stay, you will slowly drift away no matter what. The inner you is a hard thing to kill and is the voice that will keep you awake late at night when you are laying alone next to your wife in bed.



Sorry to sound sound grim. Make a plan for you, consider others as much as you can, but only you are responsible for your happiness, and only you can effect change in yourself. You will never change another human unless they want to or it is in their nature to make the change. Consider others input but examine their motivation and perspectives.



You will get there eventually.

My wife admitted the other night that she will never initiate sex because it's not part of her personality. She might as well have said she doesn't care about any intimacy in our marriage. This was the final nail in the coffin as far as I'm concerned. I've stopped trying to give the marriage heroic life support measures. I've stopped taking all responsibility for the total lack of intimacy which she doesn't seem to need. I do think there's something wrong with her, definitely, and the problem isn't sex. It's total lack of personality or imagination and/or passion.



In her case, the term "ice water in the veins" aptly applies. She has no emotional spectrum, or much in the way of emotion at all. So, I'm basically alone. We're roommates and she can't tell the difference between being roommates and husband and wife. Although the other night she had a moment and told me that she's sorry she's boring but is happy that I love her anyway.



What do you do with that?

I just found this group. I was afraid to admit the problem to myself, much less to anyone else. But this post is almost as if I wrote it myself.



I have a tough road ahead, but just knowing I can read what others have gone through helps.

Rated up ... yep, me too ... similar thoughts in my head. Of course, you "write" it much clearer than I "think" it ... so reading this post helps me sort things.