Living In A Sexless Marriage - Had An Affair - Over Now - Feel Empty What To Do?I live in a sexless marriage. Intimacy was once an important part of our lives. But my wife became less and less interested in it, rejecting me every day I tried to be romantic. Now we make love maybe once a month if that. Even then its a hurry up and lets get this over thing with the lights out and even our shirts on. She tells me that sex makes her feel uncomfortable now - that she never wants to do it anymore. I miss the intimacy in our lives. I miss the passion. I can't even remember the last time, if ever, she initiated intimacy.
But I'm still married to her. I love her, I guess, but less every day. I have three kids. Two are now in college. One is just starting high school. My youngest is a real great kid, but painfully shy, and has had a lot of trouble connecting with others this past year. I know I need to be home for him. I feel like even if I want to leave I can't ... not yet.
Last year I had the first affair of my marriage. I connected with an old girlfriend for a couple of incredible weekends. We don't live anywhere near each other so we only saw each other a couple of times. We hardly left the bedroom. Made me feel so good about myself again, made me feel young. But I also felt terrible too. I was so worried I'd lose my kids, my family, my home. After just a few weekends, she knew I was drifting away. I couldn't give her what she wanted. The affair ended.
My wife never had any clue that it occurred. No change in her behavior before or after. Maybe I felt a little bad about that.
Now, I feel more empty than ever. I'm no longer sure what I should do. Should I stay in a sexless, passionless marriage? Should I stay until after my son graduates? Can I survive another four years? Should sex still be so important to me? Did I make the mistake of my life letting my affair slip away? Most the time I try not to think of any of this. But could use your help.
runswithspirit 46-50, M 6 Responses 2 May 15, 2012