"sex"...i've Heard Of It, I Think....what Does It Entail Again? Dickinpussy?

Married in 1991, sex life w/wife OK but not great....[perhaps once a week with little passion on her part]
Conceived first child in 1993, wife loses almost all interest after that...[handful of times]
Wife has brief renewal of interest in 1997 in order to have second child....[handful of times]
Once second child conceived in 1997, wife has NO interest whatsoever...
Last sexual contact of ANY sort: 1999
She REFUSES to explain or even discuss it....gets very defensive...
RESULT: endless years of sadness, emptiness, martyrdom....
JimmyLonesome JimmyLonesome
56-60, M
4 Responses May 23, 2012

I would die. I would...my goodness...it's been said before man but therapy helps.

Therapy! I'm all for it. If your partner refuses to participate that doesn't mean that you can't seek it out. If nothing else it's incredibly helpful to have someone who isn't involved validate or critique what you say. Therapists can also help by giving you new ways to think and talk about issues that you're stuck on. <br />
On a more somber note therapy can also help you realize that you're ready to leave and how to exit with sanity.

I've seen a psychologist for may years but it doesn't change reality. As far as leaving--that's IMPOSSIBLE because I'm almost 100% financially dependent on her, a situation which I can't do anything about.

I've been reading a lot of this stories and seen how fed up men are in this kinds of relationships. I can only hope mine won't go in that direction some day. I feel sory for you guys and wish you all the best. <br />
One question does spring to mind...why don't you tell your wife that if she will not give you the sexual satisfaction, you will find it elsewere. I don't mean cheating, just opening the relationship. This thing not being about love, just sex. Hope you can answer that.

If I did that she'd go BALLISTIC and make life a living hell--so I can't risk it!

This is very similar to my wife's response if I bring it up she gets really defensive and blows up turn things around derails the conversation with what I am not doing right and in the end All i see is that wall that she is building between us getting higher. My wife is highly passive aggressive with some narcissistic traits and me being co dependent creates this bull **** if a relationship. If I am able to effectively articulate my needs then she will pull out her personality **** on me and here I am reading on this web site in hopes of support and answers. I have to do some more work with my psychologist and get the ability to walk away from this abuse.