Need Help! My Wife Hates To Have Sex...I have been married for 22 years, I married to my high school sweetheart at a very early age (17). I would not change a thing we have 3 kids 23-22-16 so we are almost done with our kids which is a cool thing for us.
I believe a have a very beautiful wife I really really think this and I tell her as much as she lets me. I love to touch my wife I love to kiss her I love to be with her AND I love to make love to my wife and I tell her this as much as I can and like I said as much as she will let me.
She tells me that all I want is sex from her, and that I just tell her these things to get in her pants (I would think this would be a good thing instead of just trying to get in to her pants with out at least some romantic sayings or doings) but she is set in her mind that NO! She does everything to avoid not just sex but me.... If she is watching tv downstairs and I try to hang out with her she will get up and go watch tv some where else because she says she don't want to have sex with me but she wills do this even though there are other people in the room like I want to have a sex party in front of other people or something. She always does everything possible to run from me and make up excuses just not to be close to me and so "like she says" to avoid me trying. The reality is that yes I am very sexually driven but not to the point to where she needs not to even hang out with me because she is avoiding me.
I have tried everything, counseling ( counselor told us it was her fault within the 2 first sessions, then she stopped going. This was my idea talking to marriage counselor), talked to the priest 2 of them actually one a friend and another friend of our priest friend, same thing they suggested she go get counseling on her own then after a few sessions I would join her. I paid for sessions and she never went. I also tried sending her to a church re treat ba
But here is why I write this and this is what I really need help with...
My wife has told me these things at different times. I have always confronted her with her comments but she is the excuse queen, she has one even if it's a lie and we both know she is lying she sticks with her lying excuse.
1. You don't satisfy me in bed
2. Hurry up and get it over with
3. I just do it so you leave me alone
4. I feel obligated having sex with you
And this is what's bothering me
I know if I said these things to her I would be the worst man ever for just even thinking this.
I think she likes sex but just not with me even though she says she enjoys having sex with me, just I want it all the time.
I sometimes feel like she is having an affair, when we do have sex sometimes she will hold me or touch or do little things that she really never has done or we have never done and it makes me feel like she is imagining someone else or remembering someone else. More than just me being paranoid!
I love sexy undergarments so I buy her lots of stuff but she never wears for me but she will wear when she thinks I'm not noticing and will wear to work and other times but will change out of them as soon as we are together.
She always has too many ridiculous excuses sometimes I have to laugh (on my own) because I just can't believe she comes up with these things and tries me to believe this. I have been with her too many years not to know when she lies or is just making stuff up.
The flowers, the lingerie, the going to dinner, the dates, the passion, the communication, the you are my partner for like, and of course the sex is just not there. I really try my best to do the right thing to say the right thing etc but been hoping for too long to make this work then she says "i feel obligated" to me!
What to do.
elfer1971 36-40, M 9 Responses 1 Jul 2, 2012