What Have I Done Wrong?

It's been almost three years since my wife and I have had intercourse. It's been over a year since we have had oral sex. Cuddling with my hand on her breast is what passes for intimacy between us. I've asked her again and again whats wrong. She just doesn't feel like it. She doesn't have any sexual feelings it seems; and of course she refuses to talk to her doctor about it. The last time she lowered herself to actually giving me oral sex was the last time she touched my penis. If there is even the slightest sexual connotation involved with an activity, she will have nothing to do with it. Even the kisses are half-assed. There isn't any passion there. Is it the medications? Is it the ablation she had? Is it a problem with her hormones? I dont know. She wont discuss it with her doctor. So... to me... I suffer from depression. I've had it for roughly 15 years. I think it started when we lost the baby she was carrying when her kidneys failed. My life kind of fell apart that day. I've been doing much better since I've been on medication but it seems about the same time I started feeling better, she decided that she didn't want sex anymore. Anyone know how it feels to a guy to be turned away EVERY time he tries to start some intimacy? What it does to a guys self esteem? Ive talked to her about it. Makes no difference. I've suggested counseling. She doesn't think theres anything wrong. I'm just over sensitive and overreacting. No suprise; my depression is more than my medication could handle. So now I'm on more meds for it. This woman has been the center of my life since 1985. Nearly everything I've done has been for her and our two kids. I'm the only one who is working. Started to put my older son through culinary school. Six months later he changed his major to the lucrative animation and film major. Six months after that he flunked out of school. (who would have thought a college would flunk you for not doing the assignments and not showing up half the time). Well, I've had enough. I still love her and she says she still loves me but she has no interest in anything remotely sexual. She thinks things are fine. I dont. She wont help me help us so I guess I'm just going to have to solve "my" problem myself. I'm sure there is a woman around my area who is in the same situation I am. Is it cheating when she doesn't want anything to do with me? Is it cheating when it seems the only thing she wants me for is my paycheck, insurance, cleaning the house and fixing things? I feel like I'm just a convience to her. She means everything to me and apparently thats going to kill me someday if the situation doesn't change. I'm 45. I feel like I'm 70. Things are going to change. One way or another.
tbaskco tbaskco
41-45, M
4 Responses Nov 26, 2012

Hi! I too am in a similar boat, but my wife has become truly insensitive & does not have any intimacy. I did try doing everything, Infact today I proposed a candle light dinner, under the stars with wine on our terrace, and asked her for a party. A party for us was a kind of a time where we both would get intimate. She bluntly said no, like the many previous times, & I again hurt myself. My depression & anger is driving me crazy. I'm unable to concentrate on work, unable to sleep & really don't know what to do. I guess, I do understand your issue, the only way out is to separate, maybe not divorce but live your lives independent of each other, find somebody else, who can love you. Wives are like monsters, they become so insensitive that you just need to get rid of them.

Serve her with divorce papers to see what happens. You don't have to go through with the divorce, and you may be pleasantly surprised when it shocks your wife into sexual action. Many of us have had this same experience.

If you can have an affair just do it. Don't tell her. Don't ask for her permission. Don't rub it in her face. Do it quietly and discreetly and keep whatever you have going going.

Me? 27 years with the most wonderful man who stopped having sex with me 6 months into the relationship. God. I was so young, I didn't even know what that meant.

If I could have an affair, I would, but god help me, I only want him.

hey bro, id like some oral too, but she rarely initiates.