Maybe We Need A New Title.. I Live In A Passionless Marriage Without Intimacy

I have written and replied to many of the sexless marriage stories on EP, and when I think about all of it, it has little to do with just sex for me.

To me the ideal way to fill the current void in this marriage, would be to find a woman married, single or involved who wanted ro spend an entire day in bed naked just giving each other undivided attention. No doubt the intercourse would happen, but for me that is not the primary goal here.
I want to see the woman naked and start out by kissing passionately, touching her from head to to toe and watch each area of her body respond to that touch, seeing that woman let herself go completely and willing to offer the same back. Just being aroused by the feel of the naked body next to me, bringing her to climax orally and watch all the fears and inhibition vanish and see her respond completely, this is when a woman is most beautiful and nothing else matters in those moments but the attentiona and now the anticipation of what may occur. To have her reach down and grab the man's erection and ask "what would you like to do with that" and gently and slowly help him insert himself and feel her enthusiasm ,responsiveness and anticipation in her eyes as inch by inch he enters here and feels the willingness of what she is about to give.

This is what I miss in this sexless marriage, yes I need the release, but when I do I want the woman receiving to know and feel that every drop is the culmination of the love and passion I have hold up inside. This what I need and want and if the opportunity presents itself with a woman needing the same , I will take it and hopefully preserve it , so when either of us needs that fix it's there to get us through. I guess I feel this may pass at home , or hope it will ( think many of us do) pass and all the good things we like about our other half will have made us stay and the sexual part will be restored.
I don't just wan to get laid, but rather be loved/
mandown mandown
61-65, M
12 Responses Jan 20, 2013

As I continue to look at what is happening here in my marriage I have concluded that she is without a doubt passive agressive and knowing that makes dealing with the situation a little easier, still missing he passion , but the outcome will surely be affected by this knowledge.
I have found that as each little attempt to control me or a particular situation is made by her, I show total disinterest and move on to something else. When I did sleep in rthe same bed and we were both naked(even though nothing ever happened) there was some hope, Then out of the blue he starts with a type of mock pajamas saying it'c cold and that helps, so when a few warm days and nights arrived I suspected they garments would have been shed, no chance, so here we go again , more attempt at control. My solution sleep by yourself, when asked why I wasn't sleeping in the same bed , my reply was sorry I am not playing. So each time something new comes up in her attempts I bow out or act completely disinterested. The newest as getting her own checking account from out joint, that's fine if it's what you want, my solution do more with side work and produce more income,a s a way of showing her I don't need or want her money or her controlling it. Of course the one thing I cannot control is withholding of the intimacy or any form of sex., Sinc eshe is not a stupid person she will also realize that this cannot go one forever and from my standpoint the longer it does the less interest I have. When a person realizes early in a relationship how you adore and look at them and then it gone , there is little that needs to be said, especially when you sit there as the refuser knowin you are completely responsible for the destruction ot he marriage. My conscience is clear, but I will not walk away from everything I have and give it all up. I can tolerate this, so if anyone moves on it will be her. She is probably better suited to go back to the abusive relationships she is used to, since what she had did not really matter. If the lack of passion and intimacy and even sex become too much it can be found, but for now I would prefer a change here, if that doesn't happen then it looks like retirement will be solo.

Same here... Great way of articulating it.

I see it that one leads to another. It always starts with the woman not allowing sex. Once she has established that she can get away with that and it becomes the norm, then she can start stopping everything else first no oral then no touching her body then no hugging or kissing then no touching her at all. Then you have the poor husband that has both no sex and no passion without anything he can do about it. Just another product of today's warpped society that panders to women and lets them be as irresponsible as they want.

I would LOVE that... a day, a weekend, just connecting, but I still just want that with my wife. Why does the spouse just not get it? Not make the time? Let the intimacy that we once had just trickle away?

with all the women in the same situation, maybe we should seriously start a group for all of us to meet those in need and see if there is a conenction that would help fill the void, I am not looking for sex , but more for the cuddling and passionate kissing and all the intimacy that is missing. If all that leads to ending up inside then that would be the bonus.
If nothing else it would help us unguilty people feel alive and whole, while our refusers sit there in denial and try to CONTROL , with no players

Well Ounoidid35 I hope you're right , just wish I could find one, I would be content to just meet for lunch now and then, and if the connection is there, spend the day or 1/2 a day just helping each though this situation. I am so hungry to feel the passion of a woman who is both responsive and enthusiastic, it's not about having just sex, but if both people find the connection then I am sure that would happen and be the bonus,

I know your pain, I too am in a passionate, but lacking marriage. All the passion, hugging, cuddling and contact is there, but not the final destination of sexual intercourse. Not that she does not want to, but it does not happen, no turn on to the last point and no completion because of a mental / emotional block.
I have no answer for you or solution, all I can say is you need to follow your heart and feelings. Can we live without the finals acts of sex? I think not in the long run.
As men we programmed different and it is a genetic time bomb we keep needing to defuse all the time to prevent the blow up and fight and allegations of trust and fear and resentment.

For some it comes down to outsourcing, for others it falls on FWB if found, other just live within the confines and restraints of the marriage.
For me?... I'm still working in my path and solutions...
J B M

This is going to be one of those weeks where I feel more disappointed with this relationship and will most likely throw a fit a some point. I try to get inside my wife's head and wonder how can a person son easily deny the other one in this relationship and not feel anything about it.
I am capable of being in denial that much to feel nothing.
Considering what I do know of her past makes it even harder to accept. I remain very calm and passive and yes it is not healthy. Somewhere shorlty this game will be up and the perfect marriage everyone thinks we have will be exposed. I am sure she has told her daughter some of it, but it always seems the important parts get left out,Even if i was the refuser I don't think

Couldn't have said it better...maybe a little less discriptive, though! lol. That is exactly what i've been missing...it's not the "sex" alone. It's everything that goes along with it. Just once i'd love for someone to want all of me, the way i want them. Life is too short & i'm starting to feel any chances of another experience like that slipping away.

Women don't want this, they just want to **** over men in divorce court

Exactly!

Wow wow wow, hubba hubba and OMG......