Time to Pay Up

I did this to myself twice in my life. I am now 57 went through the samw thing 15 years ago and here I am again. I have cried, taken walks, talked myself searching for answers. So here is what I have found. I did this to me. I allowed this situation to happen again. I made the same poor choices because I was lonely. Sure my wife was part of this equation but ultimately I enabled or ignored all of the signs. So I accept responsibility. This is the first step. I cannot undo what has happened but I can make certain that I don't allow this to happen again. I am going to counseling, "think" about my options and move forward because I can't stay like I am. Not just in the marriage but the way I have bottled up all of my resentment. It may be too late to save the relationship but I will make one last try and then if it does not change then I have to save myself. I love my daughter that was the reason I stayed. But now I feel so alone without her close and then someday she will be gone, then what? So "now" is the time to sort this all out.

 

discretejones discretejones
51-55
2 Responses Feb 22, 2009

DISCRETE JONES I FEEL I KNOW YOU.........AHHH THE IRONY

Why did you quit having sex with your wife? Were the problems just so bad, and the hurt just so deep, that it finally made you feel like you couldn't give her that part of you anymore? Or is she the one that stopped having sex with you? I'm just asking, because I'm a thirty-six-year-old married woman, who is married to her best friend. We love each other very, very much, but there are times when we do have a lot of trouble communicating, no matter how hard we try, and it leads to fighting, of course. Sometimes, when I'm alone and I have the chance to think about it, I have terrible fears that we will end up hating and resenting one another. I just though maybe if I could try and understand what you're going through, I could try and work on it in my life.

If you love each other but you have trouble communicating, get help with that. Communication may seem like it should come naturally. It doesn't. Take classes, go to weekend seminars, read books, practice. There are simple tools, processes, reminders, steps to take that can improve communication for almost anyone, both in telling what you feel and want and in listening to the other (and letting them know and feel that you're listening). Exercise can improve this muscle. A lot.