Reluctantly

Ok....here goes....got married....sex nearly every day....1 kid  and sex nearly 3 times a week.  By the 3rd kid I am now up to once per year...if I'm lucky twice!  Always on the anniversary...nice present.  Have tried to talk about it but it goes nowhere...get the same old  "It's not that I don't want to"  and "I was traumatized by hearing my parents do it and I don't want my kids to be".....and on and on.  Except for this she is a wonderful wife....just don't know what to do.....I could go every day but would even settle for once a month.  It's getting so bad that after 14 years of marriage I am considering finding someone who just wants to have a brief thing...along the lines of the Alan Alda Movie....Same Time Next Year.  Watch it if you haven't seen it...very appropriate.  Anyway, that's my story....I know it's not very thorough on the specifics but if anyone has advice I'd love it.  Thanks.

senseless senseless
51-55
4 Responses Feb 26, 2009

I agree with psylence on the masking. We actually made love this weekend and the kids were home. First in 6 months and a year before that. I really am trying to fix this and at some point think it will be more normal. Tried the date thing but when we got home it was bed for sleeping. Trying to talk her in to a cruise for a few days without the kids....matbe a complete change of environment will get her to open up a bit. Thanks for the suggestions...nice to know someone is out there.

You said yourself that she's a wonderful wife. Find ways to get rid of the kids like the others are saying. Ship them somewhere and take her to some nice hotel with a hot tub in the room.<br />
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I'd also push harder on that whole "traumatized" bit. Unless her parents were doing some really wicked stuff, it can't be *that* traumatizing to learn that your parents are attracted to each other. Heck, one night at age 14 I was supposed to be sleeping over at a friend's house but I ended up coming home. Guess what I interrupted in the living room? ;) I had a good laugh about it, and my wife still teases me about the experience to this day. <br />
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I don't know your wife at all, so take this with a grain of salt: that traumatization bit sounds like a mask for something else. Many women with 3 kids don't have the bodies they had at age 15, so maybe she's being over-sensitive about that? See if you can get some more information out of her. <br />
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You'll know for sure if she jumps you when the kids are gone next. And, if she still shies away from it, at least you'll have private time to begin discussing the reasons behind it.<br />
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The fastest way to bring all of this to a screeching halt, however, would be to go and find someone else. I'm not saying you two are bound forever to each other, but dude, she's had 3 kids with you. That should *at least* earn her a chance to explain what's going on before you go down that one-way road. Just my $0.02.

I'd agree plan dates. Get the kids to sleep over at friend's etc at least every couple of weeks. Maybe relatives could take them?

Is it possible to schedule "date night"? Get a sitter... get a hotel? Anything? Maybe woo her again?