Should I Follow Her Advice?

For years our sex life (at least to me) was not up to par. Far too frequently when I tried to initiate sex I was pushed away.

We had gotten down to about once every two weeks.....then once a month....then....

Four years ago my wife told me she had no interest in sex...ever again....and if I wanted sex..."I should go out and find another woman to have sex with". Those were her exact words.

Funny thing...her mother did that her her husband too. I should have seen the writing on the wall.

I am too old to start life over again...and it would cost me my life home...and half my pension if I divorced.

Should I take her advice seriously??

baker998 baker998
56-60, M
7 Responses Mar 17, 2009

Make her sign a 'post nuptial' agreement that there is no longer any requirement for fidelity in the marriage and if she chooses to file for divorce she only gets what she earned during the marriage ( which does mean half the house, but leaves our retirement/SocSec out of it).

The legal definition of adultery indicates the adulterous spouse is hiding the relationship from the 'spurned' spouse. If the situation is in writing as an approved situation any decent lawyer will get that entered into court as evidence which requires the judge or jury to consider it as relevant to the position of each party.

Get it in writing from her that she doesnt mind you having another woman ;)

I agree with deguarddog get it in writing!

Make her put money where her mouth is so to speak. Draw a contract that she agrees to this and both of you sign it, then go out some night and let her think you're getting some even if you aren't and see how she reacts. Either way she has no recourse because you have a contract. (Which you need to keep the original of) Can you imagine if she wigged out and then tried to divorce you, what a Judge would say when your Lawyer presented him that contract? I know this sounds extreme but what is your alternative?

Wow, i know I don't have a solution, but I just joined this website thinking it might be a joke. Reading what you wrote is like looking in a mirror. I feel your pain, and I'm faced with the same problem.

How serious is she about you taking a lover? If she just thinks you're going to hooker, she maybe okay with that but prolly that's not what you want (most men here want intimacy rather than just sex). If you fall in love with your mistress, is your wife really going to be okay with you spending time AND money on another woman?<br />
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If she changes her mind, she could sue you for divorce and get all the things you're worried about losing.<br />
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I'd get it in writing, where she actually admits in writing that she has no desire, or intention, of EVER going to bed with you again. Have her sign off on an amount of evenings, days per month you can be gone. Also the amount of money. (she may not want you paying rent on your mistress' apartment.

wow... time to get out. if you are going somewhere else to be comforted by a woman other than your wife, it is time to leave.