Sexless Marriage

We have been in a sexless marriage for at least 6 years. The funny thing is we have 3 kids and one on the way. I love my wife so much. but she is not a very intimate person. We have sex about 10 times a year. This normally after much frustration. Sometimes it is not true sex it is just me screwing her.(I still counted it towards the 10)  The constant rejection from my advances over the years have just lead to anger and resentment. She never initiates an advance. She so freaking fertile I bump into her she gets freaking pregnant. She has a problem with birth control pills and has tried many different kinds. I have a large box of unused condoms because she does not like them either. Before she became pregnant this last time she said her lack of sex drive was due to her fear of getting pregnant again. I tried to get her to understand that I didn’t need to have intercourse with her. She said she feels degraded doing it any other way. I would count any sexual contact as sex. Not the Bill Clinton counting method. She also has used the I don't do enough around the house. that she is just too tired, that she has some problem, the kids are at home, not on vacation, not on a work night, and just about every other excuse that really is just an excuse. Last year it came to a head. I just shut down. Didn’t talk to her for 2 weeks. We finally yelled and made up. Promised each other that she would try harder to initiate and I would try to be understanding of her not wanting to have sex. It was good for a month or two. I mean we had sex 1 or 2 times in those months. She still never initiated and it dropped off to once every 2 to 3 months. I try to just love her. I try to not want her in that way. I can't. Well now we are at the head of it again. It was worst this time. It came over me real fast. It was like the resentment pitcher filled up real fast. I shut down again. I have written pages of feelings. I dare not show her. I blew up a couple of days ago and rattled off some of my feelings. I told her that I didn’t know what to do, that I was ready to live alone if that was what it takes to be happy, and some other things. It was ok for a few days. Must have poured out some resentment with my outburst. Well the  pitcher filled right back up.  I emailed her some of the comments from both men and women of this site. I hoped she would understand that those were the feelings I was having.(loneliness, resentment , frustration, unwanted). I hoped she would see that I was not some kind of freak. She sent back something about how I don't fill her emotional or psychological needs. It was from a moresexformen.com website.  I said what are your freaking needs and what about my needs. It was all about how I need to learn what she needs and this freaking book was going to tell me. We are just spinning out of control. I don’t want to get a divorce, but I also don’t want to continue for what appears to be just more of the same.

 

Just my story. Thought I would try and put it out there. Sorry for the grammar errors. My wife is the one with her masters in English.

Fudui2 Fudui2
41-45, M
4 Responses Mar 5, 2010

both of you learn some yoga and it will indirectly lead both of you in a right way. try to practice different postures as in KS.

Hi Fudui2,<br />
<br />
Hey, no offense on my part. My purpose in life is to help those men who want help create the kind of marriage they want. Everyone wants the marriage but not everyone wants the help that will get them to the marriage they want. That's their business not mine.<br />
<br />
And, on your part, I do understand the frustration, resentment, and hurt that you're going through. Moreover, I agree with you...there's no value to anyone for blaming others OR yourself. That value is in deciding to learn for ourselves what we need to learn so that we can get the results in life that we want.<br />
<br />
In the past, it wasn't your fault that you never had a man in your life who could model a happy, satisfying, romantic, sexual relationship with his wife that you could learn from. But now, it's up to you whether or not you will continue in ignorance...or education...and the kind of marriage you get to "enjoy" for the rest of your life depends upon which choice you make.<br />
<br />
Another thing...I DON'T think it was dumb to put your story online...it's what connected you to me...and that's what they call DIVINE intervention.<br />
<br />
Here's the thing; problems are BLESSINGS from God! You've probably never thought of a problem in that way...but it's absolutely true. Problems are blessings because the pain of those problems MOVE us to make the shifts, changes, and improvements we need to make so that God can give us the goodness and fullness of life that He desires for us to have.<br />
<br />
Now, as far as your question goes...yes, my materials absolutely work! I help thousands of men from all over the world. Now, will this ONE product "How To Create a More Sexual Marriage" solve ALL of your marriage problems? No, it won't fix ALL of your marriage problems. But, what it WILL do is help you create a way better marriage. However, because of the level that you're at, you will need some of my other products as well. <br />
<br />
There are many different facets to having a happy, sexual relationship with your wife and that's why I have multiple products. You can get the products you need one at a time if you want to. But, if you'd rather go straight to the FULL solution that WILL give you the ability to solve ALL of your marriage problems, I suggest you go to:<br />
<br />
www.DoThisGetSex.com <br />
<br />
Plus, on this site, you can see testimonials from other men who have testified to the fact that my materials work...and that there isn't anything else in the world like them.<br />
<br />
Here's why I can say this...every other marriage solution I've come across thus far will tell you that your wife has a LOWER sex drive than you do...that's their premise from the very beginning...and their "help" is all about helping you reach the point where your wife gives you sexual "gifts" more often than she currently is. Now, what kind of help is that?<br />
<br />
What man wants to spend the rest of his life with a woman who doesn't really want to have sex with him...but pacifies him with a sexual handout every couple of weeks?<br />
<br />
Well, I don't...and I'm pretty sure you don't either.<br />
<br />
And, you don't have to!<br />
<br />
The fact is, your wife is every bit as sexual if not more sexual than you are right now. In fact, if your wife was to come into my presence or the presence of a man who has mastered my materials, she would have a VERY STRONG sexual reaction to us.<br />
<br />
That's because we know how to create THAT kind of reaction in her.<br />
<br />
Your wife WANTS a man who can take her to a loving, sexual place. And, she'll wait around on you for a LITTLE while...before she moves on to find that MAN. Or, YOU can just become that MAN...and enjoy a fulfilling life where your wife WANTS to give you all the sex you want because you're doing the things that cause her to want it just as bad as you.<br />
<br />
So, like I said, God set it up so that our paths crossed...I have the help that will get you to where you want to get to...it's up to you.<br />
<br />
Warmly,<br />
Calle

Thanks for your comments. Sorry for being a little leery of something being sold on the internet with mighty big claims of success. Has anyone else used this book and did it help. Oh, Zorro I’m sorry for being such a dope. I’m just some guy that’s freaking out and looking for help. I don't blame my wife. I blame myself. and I can not continue to blame my self. It is making the situation worst. That is why I put my dumb story online.

Isn't this interesting...this gentleman is telling his story about not getting sex...his wife tells him WHY he's not getting any sex...but he's not listening...he's only thinking about all that he's doing without...he's thinking about all that he's doing...and not getting "enough" in return...and he doesn't get the fact that his wife is telling him she needs him to become the leader who can take both of them to a sexual place.<br />
<br />
He can't see what he's really doing. Yes, he's doing all this "stuff" for his wife...but he's not doing what SHE needs him to do in order for her to get turned on by him.<br />
<br />
Why? Because all that he's doing isn't really for her...it's for him...because he wants something from her to feel ok about himself...and he's blind to that...and his wife see's it clearly.<br />
<br />
Moreover, his wife refers him to a site called MoreSexForMen.com that offers a product called, "How To Create A More Sexual Marriage"...and from his own description, he gives his wife MORE of what's turning her off towards him. Instead of listening to her...instead of trying to understand what it is that she's really saying and trying a product that is clearly intended to give him what he wants, he just pooh-pooh's her "input" and dives right back off into "himself".<br />
<br />
That tells his wife three things:<br />
<br />
1. This guy isn't interested in learning how to become a sexually appealing and attractive MAN...the kind of man that can offer me something...he's just a guy who wants me to give him regular sexual handouts...he just wants a sexual gift...YUCK!<br />
<br />
2. If this guy is asking me to tell him what my needs are, then he's not the MAN who can take me to the happy, romantic, intimate place I want a man to take me to.<br />
<br />
3. Whether good or bad, I tried to give him input about how to help me get to where he wants me to be...and he just flipped it around into complaining about his wants and needs...and complaining guys just keep on complaining about how they are being mistreated and done wrong. I want a man who does something besides complaining...I want a man who makes it happen...both for himself and for me!<br />
<br />
So in effect, this guy just gave his wife THREE MORE reasons to be turned off by him.<br />
<br />
Now, it just so happens that I am the author of the MoreSexForMen.com website and the "How To Create A More Sexual Marriage" product...and I can tell you, this guy would have been wise to listen to his wife. He would have learned how to start operating in a way that's appealing and attractive to his wife...and he would have learned how to "handle" his wife's misbehaviors...he would have learned what men who have highly sexual marriages do.<br />
<br />
Of course, it's always a man's right to just complain about not getting sex...to blame his wife as the source of his woes...anything but make the changes HE needs to make in order to become attractive.