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Something's Always Wrong With Me...

Even though I know better, I ALWAYS stress out about some crazy sudden onset of illnes that will come over me and kill me, or come close to it.  I pretty much can pinpoint when it started: in 2006 while my husband and I were stationed in Germany, he went away for 45 days straight and I was left all alone.  Someone around the area had died from meningitis and they hadn't caught it in time for her husband to come back from training to see her.  The post we lived on was very small so of course there were flyers all over stating "If you think you many have been in contact with any persons with mengitis conctact your medical center for screening."   Well that freaked me out, and headaches started coming, the back/ bottom of my neck started to hurt and I just felt "wrong", for lack of a better word.  So I was screened, which consisted of a few Q&A's and was told nothing was wrong.  Still not convinced I went to the dr. again and was given Midrin and told I was having a tention headache.  I stayed in my apartment all cooped up basically for a month, just watching and waiting for my symptoms to get worse, which they never did.  Then one morning out of the blue I wake up and I'm completely dizzy.  The entire room is spinning and I smell burning plastic or something like that.  Of course, my husband is not home, he's training again.  So I try to ignore it, but then I start to black out and almost pass out.  My friend takes me to the German ER which scrared me even worse because I felt like the dr had no idea what I was saying.  They give me an IV of some mystery stuff and tell me I have fat around my liver?  Ok... so I go to an Army dr and they can't figure out what is wrong with me, but that my liver was producing a high amount of enzymes.  I'm given mediction to make me not so dizzy which doesn't work and the room spinning feeling last for 2 weeks, right around the time my husband was getting ready to deploy to Iraq for the 1st time.  Can you see a pattern yet??  Well at the time I couldn't, and just thought something crazy was happeingn to me, that I'd need a liver transplant or that I was developing some unknown disease that would strike when I was alone and I would die in my apartment and all my family back home wouldn't even know since no one really knew where we lived. Or that I would be so sick that I couldn't take care of myself, and would just rot away in my apartment because only my husband and I had a key and he was gone.   I was OBSESSED with this idea ever since I'd heard about the meningitis and its all I could think about.   After he went to Iraq I talked with a dr that mentioned that I might be depressed and was having anxiety.  But he didn't want to start me on mediction because I was leaving for the states and couldn't do a follow up with me.  So for another week and a half I was consumed with aches and pains, my tempurature, my heartbeat... all that stuff.    I make it back to the States and after several panic attacks (which I think are panic attacks or SOMETHING that is killing me) I see a dr who tells me that I have anxiety disorder.  Which makes sense, because thanks to the wonderful internet I have already determined that's probably what was making me feel that way.  I was given Lexapro and Xanax and for the next year I finally felt like myself again!  I wasn't worried about being sick, and if I was, it was just that... I could let it be and live my life.  Well, I don't know exactly when or why it started happening again, but now I feel like I'm back into full blown hypochondria and I freak out over ANYTHING.  I had gone on and off my meds thinking I was fine, and then thought I was having heart attacks.  I can not even tell you how many EKG's I've had.  I've had chest x-rays, bloodwork, CT Scans... everything saying I'm fine. 

So of course, this year has started off with a whole new set of worries and fears about my health.  I had no period for 4 months and was convinced I was pregnant, having an eptopic pregnancy, or developing ovarian cancer despite all the tests from the drs.  They did a lot of blood work and fond out that I have very high insullin levels, which was the cause of me not having a period.  I've also had cysts on my ovaries and actually had one rupture before.  So the dr determines I more than likely have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom.  I'm put on Metformin and back on Lexapro and for the next 3 weeks I feel good.  I went to counseling for about a month to learn how to handle my anxiety & panic attacks and finally felt like I was starting to gain control of my life again.  I was really happy, and then started to doubt myself... thinking things like "I shouldn't be so happy all the time" or "somethings going to come by to knock you back down".  Strange things that no "normal" 23 year old "healthy" woman should be thinking. Anyway, 3 weeks later my period comes, and it's a doozey!  I'm cramping harder than ever before and feeling very weak and light headed.  I make a trip to the ER because nothing around the hosue helps with the pain and I'm bleeding heavier than usual.  I'm checked and they say I'm ok and just to ride it out.  I'm given Naproxen and Tylenol 3, and only end up taking the Naproxen because I don't want the tylenol 3 to knock me out.  Then a week later I'm facing my latest issue (now).  I have this horrible headache that makes my head feel very heavy and hot.  It's like dull, achy, hot, burn-ish, crampy pain on both sides of head, down to the back of my neck, and the sides of my face (like to the top of my jaw).  I've been trying to ignore it and take regular OTC meds for it, but nothing helped.  So my husband goes to training again, and I tell myself I will not let myself feel like I always do when he's gone.  Well I was wrong... I was feeling pretty good, like I was once again getting control of my mindset, and then in the middle of the store I feel like everything around me starts speeding up and I'm going, thinking, hearing, and seeing in slow motion.  My vision starts to tunnel and I feel like I'm starting to fall over/pass out.  I freak out, and get the groceries home, call my husband and break down.  I take myself to the ER and tell them what's going on.  They check me in and I'm in a room being treated within less than 2 hours (which is VERY fast for our ER here) so this of course makes me think there's something serious going on since they worked so quickly.  The dr looks at me, touches my head and neck asks me questions, and says that it sounds like I had a migrane that turned into a tention headache.  He said my bloodpressure was high as well and said that could be causing the headache.  Great... so now I have blood pressure to worry about on top of the possibility of my braind bleeding (which is what I thought must have been going on)  I even ask the dr "so it's nothing serious then?" and he reassures me I'm fine, that its not a tumor or anything like that.  I kind of laugh it off and tell him "I freak myself out about stuff like that, like my brain bleeding or something".  He laughs and tells me it's common for ppl to feel that way.  I'm given Torridoll in an IV and my head still hurts, just not as severe.  So I'm given Buprofen  and Cyclobenzaprine (fexoril) and told to take them together every 8 hours for the pain.  I asked if it will make me dizzy and the nurse says maybe not, but if I've never had it, it could.  The dr also tells me that if the meds don't start helping with the rest of the pain within an hour to take one of my xanax's.  So I go home, do what I'm told and pop a xanax an hour later.  Then I become obsessed with the idea that the meds I had taken are going to slow my heart down so much that I'll die in my sleep.  I looked up drug interactions online, called a nurse hotline, even called the ER I had just been at to ask if it was really ok to take all those meds together, and I was scared to sleep.  They tell me I'll be fine, but I just feel like they're just writing me off.  So here I am 2 days later, still weirded out about taking the meds that just make me sleep all day long.  Sometimes I feel like my heart will slow down so much that if I just give in to the drowsiness I'm going to drift off and die.  The biggest annoyance of all is that I KNOW better than this!  I just can't accept the reality that I'm probably ok.  I don't want anything to medically be wrong with me, but I wish I just knew what causes me to feel this way all the time, instead of just "oh you do it to yourself".  I HATE IT!  I feel like it consumes my thoughts all day and night.  Why would I be worried that the meds the dr. gave me will kill me?  I just feel like  basket case... like I'm in a dark creepy tunnel that has no end.  My husband and mom are annoyed with me and I feel like I just bombard them with my issues constantly.  I just don't know why I would make all of this stuff up.  I don't need attention, and I'm not the type of person to not say how I'm feeling, so I don't think I'm doing it to feel wanted or anything.  To be honest I really don't know why its happening to me, I just want it to stop.  I have a dr's appt on thursday, and hopefully I'll get SOMEWHERE with all of this.  It's affecting my life in so many ways that I'm missing work all the time, I'm constatnly talking about how bad I feel, I don't want to be alone in case something happens to me... it's pathetic, and so not like my "normal" "happy" self!  uuuggh!!  Has anyone ever come out of this feeling like themselves again?  Or even somewhat close to that??  I feel like I'm going through this all on my own... and nothing is going to help me :(

blossombeauty blossombeauty 22-25, F 18 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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Wow reading your story made me feel like I was reading a story bout my life.....ur not alone i feel the same way all the time....if its not one thing wrong with me it's anotha and I always think it's something that is gana kill me....it has gotton so bad that every lil pain I get I automatically think omg I got cancer or imma have a heart attack etc etc....it all started after my baby was born 4 months ago n I'm not really sure why.....my husband says its cuz I'm at home all day n dñt do nothing but think.....idk I have an appt nxt week I hope n prey nothing is wrong with me n that it is all just in my head

Hello there!!! I started feeling this way about 3 months ago. Started off with something on my tounge and i stressed out over it for so long. then it turned into that i had something seriously wrong with me. dr put me on lexapro which gave me a full blown anxiety attak which i ended up in the ER, they told me you have anxiety and gave me antivan. 2 days later another anxiety attak back to the ER. I would wake up dizzy every morning feeling like my ears were plugged and the feeling like i was going to pass out. Never wanting to leave the house because i was so depressed and it was even hard to smile at times. I still have anxiety about my health, i too have polycystic ovaries and it can cause depression. I started taking vitamin D3 supplement about a week ago and feel about 70 % better. I know it feels like youre in a bad dream, i would of never thought i would be depressed or have anxiety. oh and i also go to therapy for my anxiety. Good luck and so sorry you all go thru this, it is horrible!

This too is how I sometimes feel if I look off I get dizzy I don't know what it is to live a normal life now scares to go places just scared of any and everything I'm 31 yrs old and I've been dealing with panic attacks since 2000 I just want my life back

Honestly you are going to be ok. I have the same thing. I freak out about anything having to do with my health. I"ve had anxiety before and delt with it and overcame it. Then I ended up having acid reflux and got a little high cholesterol and having chest pains and arm and leg numbness. The more I searched online for details I would freak out even more. I've gone to the hospital many times and get treated within 10 minutes of waiting or as soon as I fill out some info. And I tell the doctor everything I feel. The most recent thing I'm dealing with is pressure behind my neck and pressure above my left eye and sometimes spreading to my forehead. I freaked out so much because I was taking deep breaths and couldn't seem to feel normal. Turns out I had a panic attack. And the doc checked me out and said everything was normal. Hmm I still think its something else but I guess as long as I'm still breathing and just not panicking or can control myself I'm ok. I also had a blood exam done and that's how I found out I had high uric acid and high cholesterol. I'm currently taking prilosec for my acid reflux. Fish oil and bezafibrato for the cholesterol and it made a great change in my numbness of my left arm and leg. Its pretty much gone now. But the headache and pressure is still in my head. And the doc says I have anxiety.. pshhh. I know how it feels and this is different. But ehh I guess ill just keep doing what I'm doing and I should be fine. Remember don't freak and don't overthink things or search online because its just gonna keep adding problems and making things worse. My name is Andrew Tristan I'm a 22 year old male. Just keep your head up high and just relax. Please don't rely on medication like xanax and sleeping pills because its gonna make things worse. Try taking natural things like herbal teas to relax and cleanse you out. Peace n love.

What does this sound like to you????

I have the same thing i hate being along and scared feeling all day long and dont know what im scared of. Ive thought ive had brain tumors cancer all kind of stuff. Now i feel like im dizzy all the time and scared feeling like What am i going to do today whos going to hang out with me why do i feel so bad. Now my hand is num and my arms are num and my legs are weak

and i just feel scared all day long and cant do nothing today because im scared of something and don't know what im even scared of. And i can not sit still long i have to always be on the go or doing something non stop. And cant do nothing i enjoy. My wife likes to go out of state and i dont because im scarrd something will happen to me and i want be around my home to get help. Omg its in so crazy. Is this sound line what yall have. ???

Wow... I dont know i you are better now, but i am 34 and this is exactly how i feel all of the time since a bunch of traumatic things happened this winter

the same thing happens to me. I'm only 15 years old and about 3 months ago i got my very first job and i started having anxiety attacks. the anxiety attacks caused my scalp to go numb, and i started to believe i had a brain tumor or hemerage, or anything like that. i wouldn't be able to sleep at night. i went to my doctor and broke down because I'm terrified of doctors and i thought i was dying. she recommended a lot of therapists and told me to take melatonins before i went to bed. I would refuse to take the melatonin's because i thought it would make my heart slow down and id die. I'm a little better now but i still can't sleep because i think my heart will stop beating, and i always count my heartbeat before i go to bed to make sure it isn't beating too slow. i really wish i didn't worry about all of this though.

I feel the same as all of you. Always thinking there is something wrong with me. I know I drive my husband crazy. Mine all started about 7yrs ago. My husband was on xanax and zoloft for depression and anxiety. We were sitting at my son's baseball game and my husband has a grandmal seizure. Now I am always afraid I am going to have one. The dr tried to put my on an antidepressant and I wouldnt take it. I am also always afraid something is going to happen to me when I am home alone. I dont know how to get rid of this feeling.

I feel the same as all of you. Always thinking there is something wrong with me. I know I drive my husband crazy. Mine all started about 7yrs ago. My husband was on xanax and zoloft for depression and anxiety. We were sitting at my son's baseball game and my husband has a grandmal seizure. Now I am always afraid I am going to have one. The dr tried to put my on an antidepressant and I wouldnt take it. I am also always afraid something is going to happen to me when I am home alone. I dont know how to get rid of this feeling.

OH MY GOODNESS!!! I am so glad I am not alone here. I recently had a child in march and it seemed like I all f sudden became real stressed about my health. my husband tells me its just a mental thing and that I dont have anything wrong with me. I really d want to believe him but I just cant. I recently was seen at the ER for dehydration because i came home one night and felt like I had chills and was about to pass out and even though the doctor said this is what you have I again found myself doubting the doctor. I hate feeling this way and I want it to stp because I dont ever remember being this bad. but everything you are talking about I feel the same way. I catch myself in tears somedays cause I get so worked up on thinking somethings wrong and google doesnt help. I really want control over my life again. I go tomorrow for a check up and again I will be asking the doctors to fully check just to make sure. I really hope you can overcome this. good luck to you but your definitely not alone.

OH MY GOODNESS!!! I am so glad I am not alone here. I recently had a child in march and it seemed like I all f sudden became real stressed about my health. my husband tells me its just a mental thing and that I dont have anything wrong with me. I really d want to believe him but I just cant. I recently was seen at the ER for dehydration because i came home one night and felt like I had chills and was about to pass out and even though the doctor said this is what you have I again found myself doubting the doctor. I hate feeling this way and I want it to stp because I dont ever remember being this bad. but everything you are talking about I feel the same way. I catch myself in tears somedays cause I get so worked up on thinking somethings wrong and google doesnt help. I really want control over my life again. I go tomorrow for a check up and again I will be asking the doctors to fully check just to make sure. I really hope you can overcome this. good luck to you but your definitely not alone.

I know exactly how you feel! I am going through the same thing and have been for about 10 years now. I call my mother everyday because i have some new symptom. She actually yelled at me today because i called her 7 times!! I know it is ridicolous, but I NEED to talk to her to make me feel better. I guess my motto is if I think the worse and nothing is wrong with me, then I will be ok. If I think nothing is wrong with me and something really serious is going on, then I'm REALLY going to freak out! I have about 4-5 panic attacks a day and I am 30 years old. I don't like to be alone either. My doctor diagnosed me with depression, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder. I didn't even used to go anywhere without my mom. She is my rock and makes me feel safe. Some people just don't understand it though and I get really upset/annoyed when they say stuff like "get over it" or "grow up nicole" and storm out of the room.

I really have 2 big fears.

I fear that if something is really wrong with me and i need medical attention I won't get the attention I need because i think it's just a panic attack and that's what everybody is telling me. Then, I will die because i waited too long to get the attention I needed. Make sense?

The other thing is my 2 BEAUTIFUL NIECES!! I don't want them to grow up not knowing me or remembering me. I would have killed myself a long time ago if it wasn't for them. I live my life for them and I don't want to leave them. I just don't know how to stop this anxiety and suicide sometimes feels like the only way out. I have come close 2 or 3 times but was stopped. I just don't know how to deal with this anymore and I really need help!

And, you know what the funny part of all this is? I work in a group home for people with mental illness!! How ironic is that??

Do you have an update on your condition? I share many of the symptoms u have plus many more and I was curious if you ever found out what was going on : (

I dont have it as bad as you but lately i have been experiencing these worried feelings like you. Its so wierd because i was never like that and all of the sudden i have become a hypochondriac. Im 21 years old and i start experiencing this anxiety and having panic attacks and worries out of no where. This never occured until now. When you said you feel like a basket case you said it perfect. Sometimes i wonder if im going insane. Like i have some mental disorder or something. I think the reason i cant just tell myself its the hypochondria is because i could still possibly have something wrong with me. I have yet to see a doctor due to lack of health insurance, but i have basically self diagnosed myself from research on the internet. Good luck too you. I wish i could help you out but obviously i dont know what to do myself.

dont listen to the person on the top comment ive had the same things you have ive thought i had tumours, MS, hiv, swine flu, lung cancer, throat cancer, ovarian cancer....ect.. and im only 19 years old there is nothing wrong with you just like there is nothing wrong with me i hav dizziness too when i think about it and i go to the ER at least 4 times a month so dont let somone who isnt a hypochondriac tell you anything they dont know wut its like and all they will do is scare you... i dont think anyone can completly get over it sometimes you wont worry for a long period of time then somtimes you will it switches on and off...its terrible : /

I know exactly how you feel and what you are saying. I always worry about something being wrong with me and worry about being alone during the day especially with my young child because I worry about something happening to me. Truth being, your worries are completely understandable and something that a lot of people I think go through at some point in their lives. The thing to remember is that for the most part things don't happen right away and certain symptoms would get worse if something was really wrong with you. Headaches are something that are the worst and can really make you feel that something is really wrong with you. I get migraines and have for years and they can really do things to you that make you wonder what the heck is going on with you. I have had sharp twinges by my temples, dizziness, sleepiness, tingling on one side of my head, weird vision at times, they are all things I have been to the doctor for many of times as well as specialists and unfortunatly when you have migraines or even tension headaches things like that happen but they are usually only temperary. I understand what you are saying and hope that you can get help and get over your fears and worries. Life is short and you should live it to the fullest and try not to worry every day that something is wrong with you. I know it is hard and I am still trying to get over my own fears that something is always wrong with me. This is definately something that is more common with women than men and that is understandably so because there really is a lot more things women have to think about when it comes to health concerns. Take care and please offer any advice that you have been given if you wish as I would love to hear about anything.

Dear blossombeauty, you have a serious list of symptoms accompanied with a few serious diagnosis.



Lets break it down:



~ Severe Headaches

~ Dizziness

~ Fatigue

~ Sense of smell of strange oders

~ Irregualr Periods



Diagnosis made already by mediacal professionals:

~ Fatty Liver

~ Liver Producing High Levels of Enzymes

~ High Insullin Levels

~ High Blood Pressure (and you're only 23)

~



Sweetheart, haven't you ever watched the popular T.V. program called "Mystery Diagnosis?"



You absolutely have enough facts to be concerned about. Don't let people minimize your concerns for your own health. There is certainly something going on with your health that must be taken seriously. You are going to have to be your own best friend in this matter. You must trust your instincts, rely on your own intuition - don't except any erroneous idea/theory from anyone (including yourself) that wants to label you a Hypochondriac. You have plenty of valid evidence that warrants a license for further medical investigation - even interrogation if need be. You can find a doctor outside of the military. You are allowed to seek medical help by a civillian doctor who takes champus (or whatever military medical insurance you have) .

You should have already been referred to specialists. There is something wrong - find out what it is! And don't take "I don't know" for an answer. You watch out for youself, and take care of yourself like you were taking care of your only child. Does that make sense? If this was your child having these physical symptoms and health issues would you stop searching for an answer and just except some off the wall theory that it's all related to anxiety? Or that it's all in your child's head? No. I don't think so. That's how you are going to have to treat this matter. With the same bull-dog like tenacity until, and only until, you have a Genuine diagnosis and treatment plan for your recovery. I'm a mother, so I know what I'm talking about! So do what you're told, and take care of YOU!