Going Crazy

I was diagnosed with depression about four years ago, but after being on meds it went away. There is a history of anxiety in my family. I quit smoking (which I only did socially) about two months ago, and then anxiety hit me with avengence.

First I had a sore throat that I could feel all the way into my ear. It lasted for over a week, so I had the doctor check my throat. In my mind, it might be serious. It was nothing, and it went away.

Then days later, I quit using q-tips in my ears (I used to use them to dry my ears after a shower, but he doctor said it isn't a good idea and my ears look irritated). After stopping, I noticed ringing in my ears every now and then. Of course, in my mind, it was serious.

Then a week later I spit in the sink one morning and had some blood in my snot. I freaked, thinking I had lung disease. I would only have blood in my -for lack of a better term, loogy - in the mornings and I never coughed it up. Upon further inspection, I noticed that I had some blood in the back of my nose in the mornings. It is very dry in my house, and I just breathe it in throughout the night. After a while, I calmed and realized that the blood was coming from my nose -- not coughed up from my lungs.

But then, the next week, things worsened again. I noticed a hard spot on my epididymis (the part that attaches to the testicle). I had noticed it before, but didn't freak until I heard a terrible story that included a similar situation. I freaked, thinking it was the same thing. For one week, I worried about it. Then I had a week off from work and went in for a physical. The doctor told me that he is 99 percent sure that it is nothing. Maybe a cyst, but if it was serious, he said, then he would eat my shoe. I felt reassured, but still a bit nervous as I went in for an ultrasound that the doctor ordered to ease my mind.

The ultrasound didn't find a cyst. It didn't find anything bad, either. The person administering the ultrasound couldn't see anything, so she went to get a doctor. The radiologist said he felt what I was talking about, and he said he could see the area on the ultrasound -- but didn't see anything serious or any cyst. He said that it looks like it is just a pronounced head of the epididymis. He sent me on my way, and told me to just keep an eye on it.

Keep an eye on it! What does that mean? Does that mean it could be something?

I was so freaked out that I became constipated. Then I worried that perhaps the constipation was something more serious. I started to examine my stool, and it seemed flat and smaller. Even though there were numerous sizes, they all seemed smaller, and less frequent. The idiot I am looked it up online -- oh what horrible things the internet can get you to believe!

Of course, testicular cancer can also cause a dull ache in the lymphnodes of the lower abdomen and can spread to the lungs. So of course, ever twinge of my abdomen is frightening to me. I have now started to notice the spots where my belt digs into my stomach, or the twinges I feel every now and then. of course, poking the spots to examine them only makes it worse. I realize that anything serious would probably be a constant ache, not small ones every now and again. And, of course, keeping an eye on my epididymis isn't good for a hypochondriac, either. Because in my mind, my concern spot is always getting bigger and growing -- even though it really isn't.

I will see the urologist tomorrow. Even though the ultrasound would have caught anything serious, I still can't put this to rest until the urologist tells me what I already know in my heart -- I AM FINE. Then I'll be able to put to rest the stomach and colon fears to rest -- because the odds of getting those at age 23 are about the same odds of making a snow man on the equator.

medipaul medipaul
22-25
3 Responses Mar 11, 2009

Thanks for the wishes and support. <BR>I went to the urologist today and I finally heard what I wanted to hear...He is 100 percent sure it is nothing to worry about! He just told me to check it weekly, as all men my age should do, but to not worry about it and start worrying about my future son or daughter that is due in August instead! I forgot to mention that while sharing my story. Maybe the fact that I will soon be responsible for a child as a new father has me a bit more concerned about my health.

You are not a hypochondriac. You are just trying to be cautious - maybe a bit overly so - but, with all the news, internet, global communities where you hear everything... it can make you a bit nuts. Just try to remember not to let fear rule your actions - but I think you are wise to follow up with a urologist. I hope everything is okay. Take care.

Oh how sad to always be in fear of something... I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Maybe a support group???