Forever "ill"

I dont know when or how it started, but i know it came about at a young age. At the age of 6/7 i was convinced i had breast cancer. I would go to the girls toilet and check and then id just cry.

At the age of 8 i was convinced i had menigitus. At one point i stayed in bed all day and cryed, convinced i was dying.

At the age of 9 i found a lump in my jaw that i could move i round. For months i was convinced i had "jaw cancer"

When i got pregnant at 16 this anxiety got so bad i was convinced i had every medical pregnancy problem going. My "favourites" being toxoplasmosis and listeria. I never got to enjoy my pregnancy with out the fear that something bad was happening within my body. But in reality i had a text book pregnancy. I wish with all my heat i could of just enjoyed it.

Since having my daughter 3 years ago, my anxiety and increased ten fold. I am so scared of leaving her that im constantly "researching" my "symptons" on the internet. I cant enjoy my life without the thought "im going to die of cancer" in the back of my head. I just want to be normal.

So far from the age of 6/7 to the age i am now, 19. Theses are the cancers/dieases ive been convinced ive had.

 

Breast cancer

Meningitus

Jaw cancer

Lukiemia

MANY brain tumours

Going blind

Alapecha

A prolapse

Mouth cancer

Toxoplasmosis

Listeria

Pre eclampsia

Placenta previa

HIV

Swine flu

malignant melanoma

And right now im convinced i have lymphoma. Im convinced i have dispite my doctor checking less then 6 months ago.

Mellum Mellum
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 16, 2010

dont worry girl, im the same exact way. but im not as bad as i use to be. id say i've only been a hypochondriac for about a year and half. i always tell myself..."if i do end up having something, then i have to fight it and just be hopeful" seriously, you dont want to spend the rest of your life being paranoid. right now i am 35 weeks pregnant and felt a breast lump which kind of scares me right now, but thats what doctors are for. im having a breast ultrasound after my baby is born, if the lump hasnt gone away, but i keep telling myself its probably just there due to being pregnant. <br />
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i hope you overcome your fears and just live everyday as if it were your last ! :)

After all that, thats what up berate me for?<br />
If you really must know, the comdom split (you know, the whole paranoid thing of catching something, no way would i not take precaution.)<br />
<br />
So, i didnt think of getting pregnant nor did i take a risk. It happend and as they say the rest is history.

why the hell would you even think of getting pregnant so young?????