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My Lies and Love For Her

Four years ago I joined a group chat on the internet and met friendly, lovely and interesting people. The group members exchange mobile numbers  just to keep in touch with each other. Ofcourse, these people don't really know me as a person and told them that I'm a man which is totally a lie and introduced myself as Cleo. I used photoshop to transform my real picture from woman to man and i am really good at it. My photoshoped picture is so realistic and I'm incredibly gorgeous in my photoshoped picture, then i started uploading my photoshoped pictures in my profile where my group members can view. One day I group texted my group with a  message saying "Girls should queu for a kiss from me." My image in that group is a playboy which is not true ofcourse, i'm just making things up. Out of many replies that I received, one message from a girl named Engely caught my attention. Her message goes...I am willing to pay high just to have your first kiss...It was sort of flirting and I'm definitely ON it!...We text messaged each other constantly and became good friends since then. After a long time having conversation with her just through text messaging, I was so eager to hear her voice so I decided to call her but my biggest problem was my voice. i have to change my voice and make it manly. At first I'm having doubts and extremely nervous of possibly being caught. I managed to relax myself and dialled her number. a very sweet voice answered the phone and for about seconds I can't speak. I can hear her say..."Hello? Cleo are you there? Hello? Why are you not talking?" she knows it's me because she saved my number on her contact numbers. I cleared my troat and finally talked maintaining that manly voice and once again I'm good with it. She has no idea about the real identity of the person she is talking to on the other line. We're constantly ringing each other then it comes to the point that we're actually falling for each other and officially became lovers...I just want to flirt with her, I had no plan to make our relationship serious. Before we took our relationship to the next level, she once shared to me that her ex boyfriend for 2 years wants them to get back together but she refused and I have a feeling that i have a big part of that big decision. Our long distance relationship goes on for one year, she lives in other state but our relationship really worked although we only see each other through pictures online. well it's not really my true face and i feel really guilty about all my lies and decided to break-up with her, however at some point we always get back together despite of all my lies, I can't loose her. she wanted us to finally meet in person but i always make excuses that i'm too busy in my uni and have no time to travel. I was so sick and tired of all my excuses and stupid lies and this time I made a confession that I have a girlfriend, a lie that will make her hate me and possibly forget about me. she was crying over the phone and i just grined my teeth with her reaction and started hating myself of what i've done to her...bottom line is we broke up for good. For me it was a relief that i'm finally free from a relationship that i know it won't get nowhere but i was badly hurt. she deeply loved and cared for me and trusted me so much. Months later without communication I texted Engely just to make sure she's already ok and feel much better. We became good friends and I told her that me and my girlfriend broke up, sharing that to her it doesn't mean that i want to get back with her which i deeply want to. I would describe our relationship as a an unfortunate true love. I wished that I'm the person that I created but there's nothing I can't do because I'm a different person and I know that the person that i created which Engely used to know as real will always remain. Just last year I moved to Australia and it was easier to avoid her for good. Once in awhile i open her profile online, i really miss her so much that's why and want to know what's going on with her by reading her post and her friends comments to her and learned that she already has a boyfriend. I felt jealous, however that's how it is...she should live her life without me and my lies. I didn't open my false profile for such as long time and when i finally did, I have a message from her saying that i'll always be her idela man and love of her life...that message breaks my heart up to now knowing that CLEO a man that she used to love is just a big LIE and never existed he's only created by me but there's only one true...I love her so much...so much...I planned to tell her everything but i guess I'll just leave it that way..I don't want to hurt her with truth...I promised myself to never interfere again in her life, her love life but one thing for sure..she'll always remain in my heart.

jon87 jon87 22-25, F 5 Responses Jul 12, 2009

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Good story. I'm glad you have such a sensitive conscience. It's best that you leave things alone and not spoil it with a confession. You'd make her feel like a fool and she'd hate you. Forget about Dr Phil

i would call her if i were u

Meet her on Dr. Phil

Yes meet her on Dr Phil. Be sure to let all your friends at EP know when it is aired

Perhaps i'll not sound too cool but i do feel sad for both of you, but i understand why you did it. You can't help who you love, but honey why couldn't you tell her in the beginning? Maybe she would have fallen for the REAL you. Why did you really need to be someone else? You sound like a caring person and i think if you are honest you have a great shot at finding the love you seek without a lie. Is there a way you can write to her; she may forgive you if you are more honest than you have EVER been. Please let me know what you decide to do?<br />
slave.alex

wow, man this is a tough one. I hope you dont do the fake profile anymore as it really is not cool. I would tell her and I know some people are gonna say you shouldnt but I think you should because if she is really in love you it means she is hurting because she thinks you do not want her and that is a bad bad pain. she will be pissed when she finds out what you have done but she will not be in love with you anymore which in the end will be worth the truth bc she be able to open her heart again and find true honest love. good luck, please tell the truth.