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Change

When I moved to Texas from a very liberal suburb of Washington D.C. I thought my life was over. I was coming into my sexuality. I was confused and hurt by what the people around me were saying. They said gay people were disgusting and that they would go to hell.

I met my first girfriend and we were together for three years. Every day I attended high school I tried to push the words and the thoughts to the back of my mind. I loved her but I was scared. I wasn't ready to face the truth about myself. We broke up and I went to a church. I was baptised by a conservative minister in the heart of the Bible Belt. 

I thought that surely I would be cured or at least saved from my sins. Every day I heard about it. I was not happy. I sat in classes and cried. I stared at the walls at home. I had terrible relapses with self-injury and my mother was very angry with my listlessness. 

I was happy when I was baptised, but I loved women. Eventually my fear grew into something else. Acceptance. I knew who I was, so did Jesus. I understood after such a harsh journey that God doesn't make anyone any different than they are supposed to be. 

I realised that I could be a lesbian and Jesus would love me. Scholars and translators had misinterpreted cultural background and words in the bible. These were further diluted by pastor's who imposed their own ideas of what was right and wrong upon those words. 

I realised that God loved me and I began to heal. I experienced a change in my life. Everything was improving. There have been bumps in the road but the hill is not so steep anymore. I am almost at the plateau. 

I dated a few people between my first girlfriend and my fiance. It was a learning experience. I began to attend an MCC in the town where I am going to university. I have had a few run-ins with my first girlfriend. A year ago we started to date again. We are adults, we see eah other differently now and we both know that we are head over heels in love with each other.

My mind is always ringing with the saying "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours."

She proposed to me last month and I accepted. 

In a way I ended up right back where I started but with a different mindset. I believe not that there is hope for the future. If I can change so can other people. Most importantly I have learned that I am not alone. My fiance and my church stand with me. My father and mother do as well. Her parents and sibling support us. Our friends are lovely. It took many years of pain to realise that God had a blessing ahead of me. I just needed to trust God and understand that sometimes experience is a teacher, experience is the change that God wants to see in the world.

MistressDiamonette MistressDiamonette 18-21, F 14 Responses Apr 27, 2009

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Is it wrong that a beautiful woman is Lesbian?????? you know it is an absolutely immoral relationship, but more and more services come out on Internet focusing on this kind of relationship..such as --Lesbianseeking。com . it's the world's first, largest and most trusted dating site for Lesbian.

A careful reading of 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 reveals that certain Christians in the ancient city of Corinth were able to adopt heterosexual lifestyles even though they once lived as homosexuals. How was that possible?

Im a femme/girly girl so I would like to find a femme/girly girl who likes me exactly for who I am. I look forward to hearing from you!

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So you let her go and she came back again~cool! So glad you have embraced who you really are with Jesus at the same time. TY for sharing...

Thank you for a beautiful and inspiring story of the miracles God's grace can work in your life.

Kris99, what a beautiful piece of writing! I wish we could get it published and widely distributed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so knowledgeable, so articulate--and so in control of yourself--when you wrote that!

thank you, very inspiring.



i am what you'd call a "closet bisexual" myself.

Follow up to that post...I was not saying that I have no sin only that my struggle with sexuality which might be

considered a sin by scholars...may not be sin at all.



I do have sins and need to work on them.

Hertigerhubby,



Medical science has weighed in on this. You are turning the wrong direction if you expect answers to come from there to agree with your interpretation of scripture.



I think we need to take a real close look at what the Bible actually says on this topic.



For example one of the more popular versus is in Leviticus 18 where it says a man shall not lay with a man as with a woman because it is disgusting. Now we put on our thinking caps. Why would God say this?



Well because it is disgusting.



It's fecal excriment. Poop. Consider what they were doing.



Did they have an understanding of microbiology to understand bacteria 5000 years ago? Is that something God could easily explain?



Could it be that maybe he wanted to discourage it in strong terms? Could it be that with awareness and some good hygene it's safer now?



I suspect that this is exactly why shellfish are banned in Leviticus also....and pork...



If God banned something rather than concluding that person is damned to hell...I am instead asking if there is a logical reason. If their seems to be, then maybe, just maybe it's not what we thought it was.



When Jesus was teaching he blew much of

the understanding that the religious scholars had out of the water. I have to think that it is entirely relevant to remember that many will say Lord, Lord and he will say away from me you never knew me....



Now when you say to someone who has feelings fir someone of the same sex that God didn't make them that way....even though they have always fealt that way....even though they struggled with it....even when they took it to God asking for help with it....but they ultimately accepted that they were what they are and even when they are praising our loving God....when you say to them gently and kindly....might it be that you, having never walked in their shoes, are completely WRONG?



I can assure you with absolute certainty that many hate Christians today because we have in essance told them that they are wicked and evil and can never be true to who they believe they are.



I am unable to stand on the Bible and say that what is being taught is right or wrong only that surely God loves them and that Jesus dying on the cross was for everyone. That a murderer could be forgiven because he. believed in Jesus while on the cross is proof enough. God also speaks very highly of David....yet David also was a murderer. If this woman is wrong then my prayer is God shows her the error of her ways and if she is true to who she is then I praise God for the sister I have in her through him. This is how it should be.



Love requires always believing, always hoping, and always trusting. We are called to love each other and to love God, we don't get to judge each other...that's left strictly for Jesus and I am banking on his grace being sufficient to cover any sin if there is any....and I am not convinced there is.



I would much rather stand with amy homosexual that is worshipping God than stand silent while someone proclaims that homosexuals are going to be Judged and will go to hell.



I do believe God loves us. I do believe God works for good in all things. I do believe that We are to love God...in and through all trials and on top of that we are called to love eachother.



I choose to believe that the Bible is spelling out to us how we should live, how we should think, and what the truth of history is. I do not believe we are supposed to be passive readers and not try to understand the passages that challenge us. I recognize that it is a slippery slope to walk...to say that we should read the Bible and live in a way consistent with both what we feel in our hearts and what we believe God has said in the Bible. It's a slippery slope because our minds can justify all things through all kinds of ways. We can just excuse it all and say....grace will cover it.



In my life, the day I very literaly turned my issues over to God was the day when my church asked me to be

a trustee. That very day.



The day I met my wife was the day that I didn't promise abstinance but rather promised to love and do right by whomever he lead to me. The day I demanded proof and promised faith was the day that I found a true and lasting faith. God knows our hearts. If we act with love In the truth and with no malice it will all work out...I am convinced of this and quite litterally I am counting on it. My salvation depends on God judging my heart and his grace covering any flaws I have.



He forgave Ninevah a multitude of sins because they turned to him. Jonah who knew him...knew that...and wanted them to suffer. That worked out well for Ninevah...not so much for Jonah. Who would today think that God would spare anyone from judgement...no matter their sins if they would just follow Jesus's commands? Love.

Great story. I have experienced a similar epiphany recently. God made me, and God made me gay. I have come to terms with that, and I know I am a loved child of God. I have been with my partner for 2 years and she alone is proof of God blessing me. She was the answer to so many of my prayers. Congratulations on your engagement!

Congrats! I'm happy for you!



It's a huge leap to go from God hates you because of who you are to that God loves you no matter who you are. It must have been so freeing.



I can see just where they get it wrong. I had it wrong too because for a long time I believed them. Over the last year God has been opening my eyes and I'm seeing what he meant by looking at the offense people take to his word.



He most certainly did want us to change our hearts and minds but so many in the Church right now are completely closed minded. They aren't open to change.



Once the reality sets in that God wants us to move from selfishness to love in every way we can no longer condemn ourselves for how we feel about ourselves but must be freed to be who we are.



I'm so blessed to be with the one woman that I love and I am glad you have that too.



Life is not always easy but God is good and teaches us daily.

T.S. Elliot, a great, great poet, stated that we will return once more to where we started, and we will see that place for the first time. Your story seems to drive that home with a vengeance. You are seeing yourself, your true self, for the first time. Revel in the sight, for the like will never be seen again. It's that wonderful...



DS

You got to know you're alright, because God made you and God don't make no bad stuff. However, lest someone misunderstand my compassion, I am not comfortable in a relationship without at least one person of the opposite sex there.

that cool story i have a bro gay in a hillbilly small town, good for you .