The Secret I Have Always Known...

                      My first real crush was in the 3rd grade, she was my best friend. I always knew there was something different. I am the youngest of my cousins, and yet I knew immediately that my aunt and her "best friend" were lovers... I was only in the 2nd or 3rd grade.  Later in life I some how managed to silence my feelings for women, by the time I was 15 the feelings started to come back, this time is was a definite sexual arousal feeling that was coming over me... I was so afraid to even kiss a girl because I knew I would want more. At 17 I dated a guy for two years, thought I was head over heels until I met her... This girl was a wreck someone I wish I never dated, but it took so long because I was in love with the idea of being with a girl. After she broke my heart I dated another guy and soon after got married... Throughout our marriage I've done stupid things to mess up everything... But being the amazing man that he is, he chooses to help me..He doesn't know that my heart yearns for a womans touch, that the only way I can have sex with him is by imagining myself making love to a woman.. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to hurt our children. But I know in my heart I am just like my aunt, she was married had 2 children and left for another woman who had 2 kids of her own... 

      I have been trying really hard not to cheat but I long for it, it's been over 5 yrs since I've touched a woman....





Lost and Confused...
MrsLesbian MrsLesbian
22-25, F
Aug 12, 2010