I Told Him...

Now what?  I am so scared. 

He took it so well, considering.  He had known I was bisexual since we met and had been completely ok with me having a friend with benefits.  But I've realized something these last few months that I couldn't deny or hide from him.  I am a lesbian. 

I've been racking my brain, my heart, my memories for months trying to figure this out.  I felt so alone.  This group has helped immensely.  I am not alone.  I also had two friends that I could talk to, which helped, but they couldn't completely relate like the women on here can....

I feel so horrible... like I've been lying to myself and to everyone... but I honestly didn't know.  I love my husband - he is my best friend and my everything.  We have two beautiful children and a good life together.  He supports me and I him.  I didn't know... 

I am certain, though, that I am a lesbian....

I have not fallen for anyone else, I have even stopped having the "benefits" part of my friendship that had been going on - we haven't had sex in months.  There is no person I'm leaving him for.  I am not sure I'm leaving...  But I am a lesbian. 

Sex with him is purely to show him I love him.  I do not feel the same things that I feel with women - even women that I don't particularily "click" with create more sensations with me than any man ever has.  I have been in utter denile. 

But now that I know the truth, I couldn't go on living a lie.  I tried not to tell him, to keep it to myself, but I became completely depressed and disinterested in sex - one minute wanting to be close to him, the next, realizing what all that would entail.  He knew something was wrong.  I almost talked with him a few times, then once, I told him I was confused by it and wasn't sure if I was or not.  He was hurt, we had sex to "test" me, he thought I'd "passed" - I still wasn't sure but I didn't know how to tell him.  I shut down again... tried talking a few times but it didn't come out.  Yesterday he asked me if I still wanted to talk to him - and mentioned that he saw that my Google search window had said "Am I a lesbian?" ****.  So we sat down and talked... I told him.  He still loves me.  He doesn't hate me.  And he's not mad.  Just incredibly sad and afraid.  He doesn't want to lose our life - he doesn't want us to split up our family. 

He went out for the night and drank at a bar.  He wanted someone to go with him, but was afraid that anyone he'd talk to would hate me.  (I love him more for that.)  So I called a couple that are very close friends with both of us and asked the husband to go to be with him or atleast call... That my husband needed someone to talk to or even just be with even if he decided not to say anything.  Our friend went, not knowing what the situation was.  He was able to be there for my husband and my husband greatly appreciated me asking our friend to do so.  I don't know if they'll hate me... but I needed my husband to have someone to turn to. 

I'm not sure what is going to happen.  But I'm not losing my best friend, even if the rules or the life might change, I'm positive after this that we'll still love eachother and be friends.  Just not lovers.  Never the same. 

I know that I'll probably want to find my "mate" and I'll want my husband to find someone as well... but we're not to that bridge.  We're just starting to get a grip on the other side of this river... not yet stable, not yet certain, but together. 

I thought I'd share this with other women that might be scared to talk.... Your situation is probably different than mine... But there are others, and not all situations go badly.  Only time will tell.

Two things, though.  For me, I'm so so happy that I told him before I met anyone.  That I can be here for him and have him here for me without the complications of cheating or another person involved. 

The other, is that I'm actually relieved.  I feel horrible and hurt and scared. But I'm also very very relieved that I was able to talk to him.  My life might be very foggy, but I know who I am and that I have a best friend that loves me no matter what - and I him. 
KangaRew2 KangaRew2
26-30, F
6 Responses Feb 6, 2011

My husband responded very much like yours. I'm sure he's sad. I hate the pain I've caused him. I'm Lesbian. It's that confusingly simple.

I am in an alternative lifestyle. <br />
http://sexuality.about.com/od/alternativerelationships/a/psychologypoly.htm<br />
I think it is worth a try. I love my husband and he is a geniune nice loving man. I can't imagine being without him in my life. I also have a girlfriend who he accepts and vice versa. It is not an easy road but you never know.

Hey I'm ema I'm 26yrs old I want to met someone that can make me come nd wet each time I set my eyes on her someone that suck me dry<br />
**** me real hard hint me

HI emma,why does it have to be a woman that does that for you,i love giving oral to girls so much it dont bother me if i dont get the ride after,i just love the smell,the taste, the feel of a womans ***** that much i would spend as long as you wanted sucking your **** and licking your *****,please reconsider?

I want to give you kudo's for having the guts to tell him. I am struggling with it right now and have a feeling regardless of the hurt that will come in the end it will be better. I can only hope it goes as well as I think it will and that everything works out :)<br />
<br />
Good luck

well husband sounds like a really nice guy. No doubt even if he loves you, he cannot be happy in a marriage without sex. You might be able to have a very friendly divorce. Imagine best case scenario, living next door to each other, sharing parenting. But you both need a mate you can be physical with, how is that healthy otherwise?<br />
<br />
If you are not ready for a divorce, try something alternative — perhaps you could encourage him to find a lover on the side. It would be good for him to see what he is missing out on—help him through the depression. I do think it is very good you are not in love with a woman right now. <br />
<br />
I have a lover on the side while staying married, so it is possible. In the process of finding her I met a few women in our situation (I wanted to find someone also married, getting involved with a single person wouldn't be fair) so you are so very not alone.

It seems that our stories are some what the same may be you can help me???<br />
My story post read it and let me know if you can help.<br />
Thank you