I Am a Lesbian Married to a Man
Better Late Than Never... I Came Out At 40 On A National Tv Show
Written on October 25th, 2011
It was after a long time of personal reflection and self help material when I began to ask questions. I was not sure what I was feeling because I just had my 8th child who turned 2. Not sure what I wanted to do, I stayed home and took care of him. As time passed I began to look over my life and wanted some answers. Questions like: why was it so hard to connect to my spouse? Why did I struggle when it was time for intimacy? What was happening to our relationship and did having kids just kill my emotional /sexual self? I guess it was a combination of things. I got off the pill , tied my tubes and went to school. I worried less of others and began to focus on myself. Well... after many self help books and women studies I started seeing a pattern. After much reflection and personal time in meditation I learned that I was a "lover of women."
Not taking that discovery to my spouse yet..I beat myself up at the realization. I was furious at the news. I hesitated to think how could that be possible. I was married with children, living the American dream...family, work, church, and people knew me as straight woman. Wow! what am I going to do. I cried, prayed and asked God to help it not be true. He did not help me run from it... God brought people to me who were lesbians and they started telling me their story. My anger at God grew. I kept telling Him to take this away make it not so. Please this is not possible after 25 years or more of marriage and beautiful children..I wanted to die. So I planned my death. Took out a knife to cut my throat. I played an album by the Beach Boys " Turn Around Look At Me. I played that song and realized I was not alone and to die was not an option. Recycling my life was His best plan. I got off the floor put the knife back in the kitchen draw and decided to live helping others who found themselves gay, lesbian, bi or trans gender.
I told my spouse who had an idea for many years but considered it our "thing" because we shared x rated movies. He was not surprised but wanted me to live and be together as a family. He insisted I get help so he called the Phil Donahue show and they flew us out there and we did the Show. I came out on National TV to my family, children, friends and community. What a show the phone lines lit up, he said. I was telling the world I am gay and I am staying in my marriage and we want to keep the family together. People could not believe it.
Well, since that show in 1990 I am still with my husband. Our son is 23, we live in the same house and still love each other. Our lives
are similar to adult seniors. We go to the movies, doctors appointments, take care of a grand child and talk of finding a special someone who wants to be in the mix.. He always said if you want her ... he does not divide. or subtract .he only adds and multiplies..cute huh.
Well that is my story. I finished my degree, and now volunteer within the Trans gender community and I love all people. Even though some may not understand the LGBTQ community.... I still help others learn to love themselves.
Not taking that discovery to my spouse yet..I beat myself up at the realization. I was furious at the news. I hesitated to think how could that be possible. I was married with children, living the American dream...family, work, church, and people knew me as straight woman. Wow! what am I going to do. I cried, prayed and asked God to help it not be true. He did not help me run from it... God brought people to me who were lesbians and they started telling me their story. My anger at God grew. I kept telling Him to take this away make it not so. Please this is not possible after 25 years or more of marriage and beautiful children..I wanted to die. So I planned my death. Took out a knife to cut my throat. I played an album by the Beach Boys " Turn Around Look At Me. I played that song and realized I was not alone and to die was not an option. Recycling my life was His best plan. I got off the floor put the knife back in the kitchen draw and decided to live helping others who found themselves gay, lesbian, bi or trans gender.
I told my spouse who had an idea for many years but considered it our "thing" because we shared x rated movies. He was not surprised but wanted me to live and be together as a family. He insisted I get help so he called the Phil Donahue show and they flew us out there and we did the Show. I came out on National TV to my family, children, friends and community. What a show the phone lines lit up, he said. I was telling the world I am gay and I am staying in my marriage and we want to keep the family together. People could not believe it.
Well, since that show in 1990 I am still with my husband. Our son is 23, we live in the same house and still love each other. Our lives
are similar to adult seniors. We go to the movies, doctors appointments, take care of a grand child and talk of finding a special someone who wants to be in the mix.. He always said if you want her ... he does not divide. or subtract .he only adds and multiplies..cute huh.
Well that is my story. I finished my degree, and now volunteer within the Trans gender community and I love all people. Even though some may not understand the LGBTQ community.... I still help others learn to love themselves.
Age:
61-65
,
Female
