No Idea Why I'm Still With Him

I have known for a very very long time that I am attracted to women physically, emotionally, and mentally. I have dated women in the past and many men. Most of my realationships with men have either gone badly or ended quickly. I married a man when I was 16 and we split up when I was 18. I am now 24 and am married to another man. I married him because I loved his personality, although I was never fully satisfied by him in bed. His personality went through a complete overhaul about 3 months in to our relationship. He became a mean, posessive, emotionally and mentally abusive jerk. I married him anyway when I knew better. A month and a half ago he became physically abusive. He said it was a one time thing because he was drinking and that I should "just get over it already". But, I cannot let that go and he shouldn't expect me to. Hind sight is 20/20 I guess though.

 He has always known I've dated women in the past and that I find female and female relationships much more appealing and fulfilling than female and male. When he gets angry he plays the pity me card and screams about how I don't love him and I never have and he knows I'd rather be with "some *****". To be honest, I don't have much interest in men at all and haven't for a while now. When I was younger I thought I had an equal interest in both sexes but as each day has passed I realise that is not the case. I do not know any single lesbian women in my area so I am not cheating on him and I don't plan to. I have stopped having sex with him except for when he pressures me to the point I just make myself do it to get it over with so he will leave me alone for a while. My marriage to him is affecting other areas of my life, including the college classes  take.

 I know I need to get myself out of this relationship I just don't know how. I need to be true to myself and find someone, a lady, who makes me happy with my life.
amebeirus amebeirus
May 11, 2012