Amazing Husband... But Not Happy

 I am a girl who is married to a man. We dated through highschool, college and then got married.  I have always thought I was bisexual (and he knows this) but the older I got, the more I realized how into women I am... and not into men at all really :[

As a child, I remember seeing artsy photos of nude women and liking them. When I was like 5 I did one of those "I'll show you mine if you show me yours..." with a girl. I've always been afraid of penises haha... but I've pretty much exclusively dated guys. 


The problem is... I really do love my husband.  We're amazing friends and when we first started dating our sex life was great, but even before we got married I started losing interest. It's at the point now (and has been for a couple years) where I don't even want to have sex with him, but just do it because I know he wants to.  I know he's a good looking guy, but I am just not attracted to him.  I'm always thinking of women and I know I would have a much more fulfilling sexual life if I were with one.  For the longest time I just thought I wasn't interested in sex because I was busy, stressed and the fact that he's gained a little weight since we got married-- but I'm starting to realize that those are just excuses I've made for myself and I'm starting to think I'm actually a lesbian.  The biggest problem is-- he is the most amazing guy. I don't think I could ever find anyone else in the world who would dote on me, care for me or treat me as nicely as he does. He bends over backwards all the time to make my life happier and easier.  I don't want to lose someone who loves me so much... and I genuinely love being with him in every way except sexually.  Is the friendship and the fact that he treats me well enough to stay with him and not have a sexually fulfilling life? How important is sex in a relationship when the friendship portion is great and your partner does everything they can to make you happy? What would you suggest I do here? I'm so torn!
maddoxgiovanni maddoxgiovanni
4 Responses May 20, 2012

In the exact same situation. Good luck, and if you figure it out let me know.

I feel like I could have written this exact same post, except throw in a 6yr old child as well. It is so hard, my husband guessed that I was gay and he encouraged me to admit it last week. We are taking it one day at a time, still unsure as to what on earth we will do, but I can't imagine being without this wonderful man, all for the sake of sexual attraction.<br />
I wish I could offer some advice :(

It definitely only gets worse. :( Talk to him. If you love him that much, you have to know that his not knowing this is hurting him. xo.

I share the same dilemma maddoxgiovanni, but I did not allow myself to accept my sexuality until much later in life...after having had 2 kids with the wonderful man that I married 17 years ago. So my dilemma now involves not just his life, but that of my children as well. I will tell you much as I wished and hoped that it would go away, it does not. If anything, it seems it has only intensified, despite being married to man who would do anything for me, as it sounds like your husband would. My advice would be to share all of this with your husband, so you can decide together what your future holds. I wish I had been more honest with myself and with him much sooner, so that I wasn't having to now weigh my own happiness against that of my husband and kids. Hang in there...I know its not easy, but you're not alone.