Did I Make The Wrong Decision For Him?

I remember sometimes when I was with my girlfriend and I was so ecstatic in so many ways, I would feel guilty for never giving my husband the kind of joy that I was feeling. And now I often wonder, if I had left would he have found someone who could make him that happy? I know he thinks that I'm the one, but I'm not convinced. He says I'm the one, but I think he's just ignorant to what he could have had. I've never seen or felt that I've given him that utter joy that I knew  practically radiated  from girlfriend. 
If my decision had gone the other way, would he have found someone else and realized that part of my love for him was wanting him to have what I had? I did try to explain that to him, but I either never found the right words or he just would not believe me.
I know that I don't even give him the sex life that we all deserve. My lack of sex drive had been an issue for twenty years in our marriage. WHOWE ! Guess what, I had a sex drive, it was just waiting for the right sex.
It's just so frustrating; I stayed to make him happy - and I think he could have been happier with someone else.
broadwayplease broadwayplease
46-50, F
6 Responses May 25, 2012

Wrong decision.

You know I just have found this page today and I´m crying reading the stories and feeling the same as you do...only difference is that I´m 30 years old, 10 years together and 2 years married without kids. I´m not certain who I am because almost whole my adult life I´ve spent with my great MAN I love. On the other hand I think I feel strong attraction to women, had strong relationship with my best friend (not sexually). I genuinelly feel more confortable with women around, it´s sometimes like if there´s some connection in emotions...don´t know how to describe it. So I feel despreate because loving my husbant and desire sexually a women makes me a liar in my own eyes:( I feel terrible...and I still love him and I´m wondering if he would be more happy with someone else even it´s tearing my heart. <br />
PS: i´m not native speaker, sorry for mistakes if there are any.

Amazing how many people are in the same position. Ive been with my husban for twenty years - we grew up together practically and have been married for almost ten years. Its not that I dont love him, I do. I know that hes handsome and kind and such a great husband and Dad ..but now I have had the joy of being with a woman I realise that is something I could never have with him or any man.. its whats been missing.. the shared intimacy and the feeling that its right.. are there any women on here who have left their husbands for a woman or to have the opportunity of finding a woman? Also where are you all from? Anyway, I know how everyone is feeling.. its tormenting and a feeling of being trapped but at the same time feeling that you cant step away from your life cus its what you know especially if there are children involved. I just went to see a medium actually.. she never said what was going on with me other than .. a woman knows what a woman wants.. so maybe she did know.. she said im waiting for husband to leave me for someone else.. and I guess shes right... it would just make it easier.. painful but easier all round.. which is sooo selfish of me I know. The woman Ive been seeing who calls me her girlfriend has said she will wait for me.. meanwhile my husband says hes not going to give up and despite no sex for over six months hes going to support me.. he has no clue! If it wasnt for the children, Id have packed my bag and legged it!!! So what is everyone else going to do?? Best Wishes, Kat.

im at that point right now. not 20 years into marriage but my husband doesnt believe me. and says your the only one that will ever make me happy. but i can tell he isnt really happy. it is extreemly frustrating. i know how u feel hun

I wonder all the same things. Thank you for sharing this. My husband is either hanging on to something that is no longer there, or he sees something in our relationship that I just don't see. We look great from the outside, but sadly, now that I have felt love for a woman, I realize how much our relationship has been lacking. He says if I leave, he'll be ruined. I think his life will only just begin....

WHERE?!! Sorry but for some reason I just burst into tears when I read your comment. I'm so pathetic, I carry around my phone like a security blanket and check it every half hour to see whats been said on here. I'm ridiculous, I know. I'm so happy to have found this site but it's not like there's a bunch of married lesbians on every street corner to commiserate with. I LOVE MY FAMILY, I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I know I have to get something.Maybe when I'm over her. . .<br />
<br />
Funny, I was worried about my husband when I wrote this and you worried about me.<br />
Thanks.